happy

it kills me that we aren't best friends anymore it kills me to know that you cant trust me anymore and i know that your mad at me, even though you deny it and i know that their isn't much i can do about it and you know what, he wasn't worth it and i see that now, but i didn't then yeah you warned me but i need you more than ever latley and sometimes i wish, maybe, i could just call you and you would listen to me, and we could talk for hours and i could actually see you for the first time in a month an a half but i'm out of ideas. and i don't know what to say to you. and this isn't because i'm not happy, because i am, i pretty content right now but sometimes, when i stop to think about it, it just makes me sad, to know that we arn't close anymore and that sometimes, you almost seem like you can hardly stand me. and its killing me its killing me way more than you know and i cant do anything about it

i dont know whats worse watching someone die, and know that they will die soon or having a healthy person die and not know that it is going to happen

its amazing how people can change so much in so little time. but then again i supose it isnt all that short a period of time. yeah, it sucks, sometimes i miss them, but at the same time its like why should i bother with people who dont give two shits about me. and then i go back to the times when i think that i should talk to them and mend everything. move on from it. forgive but not forget. but that is way easier said than done. plus im not letting my guard down. but you know what, im happy with where i am right now. im content with who my friends are, and the fact that i now know who i can actually trust and rely on. i still believe that everything happens for a reason, the reason why we arnt friends was to show me that i cant rely on everyone, and it showed me who my real friends are. so maybe ill end up talking to them. maybe i wont. im just going to live day to day and whatever happens, happens.

i hate ccri. i wish i could go to a real college that i can actualy afford. i want to go to school in nh. i miss nh more than any of you would ever know. i feel like there are a few peices of myself missing. one of them nh the other my dad, colleen and tommy. i fucking hate backstabbers. im not sure how i stand on wanting to move anymore. half of me wants to get the hell out of this town and the other half doesnt want to leave the house i grew up in. at the same time its starting to feel like a house, not a home. i need a fucking job. i hate that you put words in my mouth. i wish that i could say things once not 208234 times for anyone to actually listen. i wish i had someone i could fucking rely on. this may sounds like complaining to you, but its just my way of getting things out of my system. i need to go skiing. i need i to snow. i need to clear my head. turns out that who you thought are your friends arnt so much anymore to bad i cant stand up for myself _________________ I've got no master plan to help me out Or make me stand up for All the things that I really want You had me too afraid to ask And as I look ahead of me I try and pray for sanity

Horoscope Cancer November 3,2006 When you get right down to it, all this fiery debate is masking a certain level of attraction to this person. You can enjoy this flirtation for what it is, or you can decide to take it to its next level. It's your move. i think im going to start writting in this again this time for real bring the sitdiary community back to life

me and lyndsy and chirstina hung out on saterday like old times it was nice yesterday was mothers day and me and mom went out to dinner today i skipped first with iamdan, danlopes, lynds, and glen and we went out ot breakfast that was fun the day went by fast after school i did service learning and then had to go back to lowes, because i got the wrong paint. i dragged colin with me. then got hot cocoa at borders. and i brought him back to the school. i seriously have no time this week. its monday and im already stressed. this is not good. now i have to finish writting my senior speech. i wasnt nervious about it before but i deffinatly am now. and i have no clue why.

so this is what im up to for the next 2 months Sunday May 14 - mothers day Friday May 19 - reception Saterday May 20 -wedding!! May 30, 31, june 1 - finals June 6 - Graduation June 18 - fathers day June 24 & 25 - recital June 28 - 18th birthday & at some pointim having a huge party but i'll get back to you on that one

HAPPY EASTER!! soo i havent updated in awhile. due to my lazyness. its vacations week woot. and on the 28th im going to disney for grad night. which its pretty sweet. then jr prom with dan and then my prom and the wedding oh my may is going to be pretty amazing.

I GOT ACCEPTED INTO RIVIER COLLEGE

So ive realized that in this point in time there are a couple people who have been on my nerves alot. a bunch of people that i want to get to know better. there are the people that are there for me all the time. and the people i want to make amends with. im almost out of high school. its crazy. this year has flown by. & we have to put the house up for sale soon. so im pretty much changing my life completely come the summer. im kind of scared about this. its a huge change. not only will we be moving but it will be my first year of college to. another thing that ive decided is that i want to start my own business. ive been making my own jewlery again latley. so im going to start selling it. eventually i want to open my own little shop near the beach and sell jewlery. but i have to start somewhere right. this upcoming week is going to be pretty hectic. i have something i have to do everyday. st. patricks day is on friday. and st. joesphs day is on sunday. and i have to admit im excited for both. alright thats it for right now. im going to write in this more now. yay.

so i have come to a conclusion im sick of high school, drama, student teachers, and everything that goes along with it i graduate in less than 10 weeks and i can not wait

HAPPY ST PATRICKS DAY KIDS ♥♥♥♥ me and aly were suposed to do a health project and we didnt have to go because bogo didnt have the laptop. it was pretty amazing. my mom is silly and made green angel food cake... thats her for you. so theres a hockey game tonight that i believe that i will be attending. thats it for now

so silly jrs have had testing monday, today and tomarow. tomarows smythes birthday thursday i have a huge essay due friday i have 2 presentations to do & its st patricks day! and sundays my cousins bridal shower & its st joesphs day! needless to say im going to be wicked busy this week. mm thats it for now i supose ♥

im going to start writting in here again. iamdan said hes gonna make me a live journal. but for now sitdiary will do. bere with me kids i havent changed anything around in here for about a year. no lie. nor have i written in here. i think its a good thing im doing this. well thats it for now. ill have something better to write next time i swear. -maris Things change. And friends leave. And life doesn’t stop for anybody.

today was one of those days when basically all or my horoscopes were way dead on Holding your ground is worth it, no matter how difficult it seems. Not only will your self-confidence grow, but you'll gain someone else's respect too. Remind yourself of what's at stake and your grip will get stronger. Figuratively sticking a toe in the water is a wise way to get familiar with a new concept, person or place, but make sure you don't dive in just because the temperature feels right. There is a lot at stake here, and you need to make sure you know how deep this water is -- and if there are any sharks swimming around! Be thorough in any evaluations you make today, from checking the temperature of your microwave entree, to assessing a new coworker, to test-driving a new car. If only this person would call, you'd jump. It's a good thing he or she isn't calling then. You have better things to do than go through some mental calisthenics for someone who can't get back to you in a timely way. If something about that certain someone is giving you pause -- whether it's their feeling on a topic that's important to you or just an offhand remark on their profile page -- be sure not to ignore it.

i needed that so bad im so glad i got all of that off of my chest i feel so so so so so much better now

so my dads getting remarried in june thats lovley

so maybe im not perfect but im only human and maybe its ok not to be perfect because sometimes it makes life interesting

i wish he knew how much this is affecting me...