Maybe it's boredom. I often feel ashamed for sitting on this computer and typing out events, feelings and notable accomplishments of the day. Winter time confines me to small and dry rooms inside. I feel like the only reason I am more depressed in the winter is because my body is wrapped up in layers of clothing and can not breathe or take in sunlight. Getting stoned eases the antisipation but when I think about it I can feel my body sufficating more.

It's nice to be able to smell though. My recent desicion to discard cigarettes from my daily agenda has some what improved my train of thought. Being able to taste and smell consistantly is definately a few points. Bad does outweight the good I'm afraid. I've yet to replace the urgent need for oral fixation. I try deep breathing to extinguish the firey fury building up but I'm not exhaling smoke and so no justifying results.

I'm glad to see that spell check doesn't work in this text box!

Picking up reading is another. Let's say that gets less points then the smelling. Broadening my senses by reading might actually work as a temporary relief for my sense deprivation. I have read two books in the past week. The library is higher up on my list of things to do, right next to item 2. Sit around and do nothing. Going with my daughter is slightly firstrating, I like to take my time places and observe everything not rush right through and hurry back to doing nothing.

Its really sad that I have that train of thought. Just because it's cold and the snow looks like piles of dirt everywhere doesn't mean I can't go outside and enjoy myself. There is so much to do, and you don't even have to pay money! Like... Go explore the rocky coastline at Fort Williams... Go walk around Portland and stare at all the nice things you'd like to buy... Take your dog to a dog park which turns out to be more fun for your dog than you, unless you're me... Then there's...

I've figured that the only way to enjoy outside to the fullest is to use it to your advantage. So? You want to get into shape? Bam. You're outside early in the morning and at night and for all the weird people, in the middle of the day.... I think that's what I'll do. I can't imagine running outside in jeans and a peacoat though sprinting down the walk ways around my house. I need a fancy running outfit to match my dogs collar and advertise some energy drink on my back.

I want to start improving my life. Get in shape, eat moderately healthy because I can not live without chocolate and I don't want too anyways, getting a job that is of MY intrest, not stupid retail or fast food. Murder. Find a cute little apartment with a porch and........ Be happy. Pot definately helps. Yeah.

I want to work with Dogs. That's all I know and it's all I've ever known. My brain is filled to it's maximum capacity with everything about canis lupis. After reading Ceasar Millan's book I know for sure I will spend the rest of my life helping them and other animals; Here and all around the world. And preach about it for the rest of the day...

Food sounds good right about now. JUNK FOOD.

:D