I just want to tell them how confused i am. I just want them to understand. I feeel so lost so confused. God dammit. Fuck the world fuck Sitdiary. Fuuck you. Fuck me. Fuck off. FUCK! If only i could fucking tell you how I am. If i could put it into words for you. If only you could look into this. Into this fucking computer and see the sick fuck punching these keys. I know how to die. I know I will. but I hope that before i do i can take some sick fucks out with me. Fuck everyone. Fuck you. Fuck me. Heres a little background for you you fucking cunts! I grew up in more places than i can count. my family has moved from one place to another for no reason. I work at walmart. Yes you hebrew fuck. I work at walmart and yes everyone who works there is a fucking retard. Shit how do you think i got a job? I have always thought everyone else were little cunts so i don't really give a damn about what you say. or what you think. You are all just a bunch of fucking bloody wanks. Oh i am so sad I am a goddamn american and my life sucks whaahaha so I will paint my face and cut my wrists becuase i am so much of a fucking wANK That i cant stand up and fix the fucked up part of my god forsaken life. CUNTS you are all cunts. fuck everyone of you. if you dont like your life fucking do something about it. I have gonne through aobut a hundered of your pathetic sit diaries. and you are all abunch of wanks. I want to make dutch porn with all of you and shit all over you until you get itthrought your fucking skulls. FUCK!

I want her. I want to taste her silky sweet. I want to caress her goodness... but she is in love with a boy. ish

I can't contemplate the earth All while my heads in the sand Cuz I've been buried alive So take my bleeding hands And breathe life into me Cuz right now I'm suffocating. So imagine we were dead Counting all the things we never did. I don't want a life of agony I wont be another tragedy And close my eyes while everything burns. And I won't pretend I don't exist Invisible until I turn to dust, Open your eyes we're still alive.

I get a funny feeling, it comes from deep inside. I get all mad and angry, wanting to go and hide. My doctor calls it depression, my dad says it's just me. But the thoughts and feelings, no one will ever be able to see. Some say I'm psycho, some say I'm just weird. It's like I'm a different person, and the old me just disappeared. I get really edgy, I want to commit suicide real bad. Then I get a headache, followed by feeling sad. I wish I could get help, I wish it would go away. Maybe if I keep praying real hard, it will some day.

One of my favorite quotes... Drowning isn't falling in the water, its staying there.

I got several tattoos today... I got a twisting line of question marks across my back and down my left arm. It is amazing. And so truthful

how dare you talk to me like that! It is because of me that you are even alive! *slap* no mother it is because of you that I am going to bite my tongue off and drown in my own blood. haha the better for your father and me. we'll bury you next your dog in the back... Ah nothing like a mothers love

I laughed today. At school of all places. A little girl came into the bathroom as I was using that smooth prestine razor. She just stared. I realized she was there and started laughing. She ran from me crying.

I am a loser. I will never amount to anything. The reason I am here is to make others feel superior. I am nothing I am not human I am subhuman I got fired from my job. The manager said that I am worthless and replacable. Its funny he and my parents would get along great

So they think that I can be fixed. Am I broken? They think that I can change. But what they don't know is I like the things the way they are. I like it when people stare at me as I walk down the street. I makes me smile. I got called down to the office at school today. They wanted to know how I get blood stains on my shirts. I asked them how they think I got them. They think there is abuse in my home. I said and there isn't any in yours? The psychotherapist is nothing compared to the school counselor. He thinks everything is in my head. That I suffer from schizophrenia. Ha... He wants to fix me... But what they will never understand is the feeling of release when I take a hit. When I run the razor over my skin. When I drink that acid. Its like a rock has been lifted off my shoulders. So I don't think I need to be fixed.

Well today was the second time I tried to swallow it. I tried today instead of drinking it straight I put some juice and sugar into a glass and then added my poison. However, I couldn't do it. It wouldn't stay down. I swallowed and immediately after threw up. Dammit. Why does it have to be so damn hard? I don't have a job to get a gun. I don't know of a spot I can reach to use a noose. I just don't know. I know that its wrong. I know all the bullshit you all try to feed me. But what you don't know is I have to want to change before I can...

I found myself crying myself to sleep again. I got so caught up in life. Just as soon as I got my hopes up the world crashed down again. The cut on my forehead is starting to scab. and my thighs are beginning to heal. I better open up some new wounds. It sucks waking up every morning disappointed that something didn't kill you in your sleep.