you know you think of suicide at first like its something you can show off. something you can tell people in order to put yourself higher than them. For a couple months you bitch about people who didn't even know them and then you just dedicate a lot of things to them. God I don't know why i'm so fucking stupid to watch a movie about suicide because then it reminds me of how there is no time when he's going to come back, you know matt verschoor was one of those people that you could just fall in love with. But he's dead, he's fucking dead, there is no heaven there is no hell there is just a body laying in the ground or sitting in a vase somewhere. It reminds me of when I first heard the real story of the little mermaid and how at the end she turns into sea foam. I could just imagine waves splashing up against the sand, and little eyes peering out of them, but no mouth, and hearing it try to scream out in agony. in other news, my sister knows how to cheer me up.