She got back together with him. I figured she would. I wonder how it came down to her being so weak when I should be the one in her shoes. But I feel like I got the better end of the deal, no matter what she may say. I'm still better off. My love and I may fight and scream but at least I don't break up with him, get back together(repeat repeat repeat) and blow off my only friend just because my boyfriend doesn't like them. Stupid fucking whore. I was always there for you, but I guess that doesn't matter. That asshole apparently does. You're just too weak to see.

"When I'm old, I don't want them to say of me, "She's so charming." I want them to say, "Be careful, I think she's armed." -G. Stoddart

I guess this is my new diary for my thoughts rather than my poetry. I can't say what I feel on the other without it getting back to that person. Cause it's always about him and Blair can't keep her fucking mouth shut and tells her boyfriend who is a controlling fuck and knows mine. Well, my ex since and hour and a half ago. It went horribly wrong, it was just suppose to be about spending more time together and turned into "You know I'm leaving soon, even if it's a year if we keep going out it'll just be harder then" WELL SO WHAT IF YOU WERE ALL I HAD even when you dicked around and fucked up you said yourself you made bad decisions and I FORGAVE YOU EVEN WHEN YOU BROKE ME. I did everything I could for you. You know you fucked up the second time, you said it yourself, but rather than trying to work it out you just want to leave. WELL WHO'S AVOIDING CONFRONTATION NOW? I can't help crying you KNOW that and you can't make it any better. God, how long were you planing this? Last week when you dicked with your friends and had no time for me? I think I hate you.

OOOoooo, you didn't like seeing me with him did you? Weren't worried the second time were you, so sure I'd pine for you? He actually acknowledges my existance when we're with friends, he..isn't keeping all kinds of shit from me. I don't think he will. Oh, but seeing your face yesterday and feeling the tension made me so horny. And. Not. For. You. At least I know where he's been; I was never really sure about you. I love you, but you'll never deserve that. He does and I'll give him what I have. I can truly move on. Can you?

he made me feel pretty. Well I'm obsessed with you.Your all i think about,but i love thinking about you. Kissing a guy with a lip ring is hot. I loved how the spike digs into my lips. Mummy thinks I should wait until I can get the results back before I get into another relationship because then my ex can claim I got what I may have from Jon and everyone will call me a whore, like they did Robbie. Jon knew that I may have a STD before we got together and so does my Lady Bird who looked my ex straight in the eye yesterday and said "You're going to regret everything you did to her" so they can disprove any shit he could possibly start. Mummy doesn't know that a week before my ex asked me out he fucked a girl that I know to be a slut. I can't believe I ate his lies for so long, I really can't. Jon's good for me, I think. I hope. He's cleaned up, believe it or not. He hasn't drank in three weeks, stopped doing drugs for two months, and hasn't been arrested lately. The time him, buddy, and tom got accused of putting date-rape in a drink does not count That couldn't be proved. I think that was the last night he drank two 40's by himself. I'm proud of him, he's really straightened up. I hope I don't hurt him by being rebound chick. He better not hurt me or he'll get hurt back. With blunt objects from around eight guys. Make out time:: 2 hours. ha

I really wouldn't be suprised if he was cheating on me. To be honest, I'm not sure I really care that much. As long it's not with that fat chick. The one he fooled with when we were seperated. I saw his best friend today while I was hanging with my girl and he looked at me nervous like. Well, he is the one that mine gets in trouble with girls with. That, and he probably knows that me and mine did the, ah, 'no-no dance', last week. Fucking weakness. I miss him 'cause I haven't heard from him in five days. Pissed, because Kay told me he tried to pick her up and sad sad sad. eh

he is the sun intense and vital tan, strong and calloused from work. he smells of sweat masked by cologne and the earth that bore him. he speaks with the intensity of thunder. he is white-hot heat, from his touches to his stare (both of which drench me like rain) golden brown hair twists around my fingers and a puff of a moan on my neck... burnes me.

I think She said it best... You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you realize your life means nothing and that it'll probably stay that way until you die? The heavy, nauseated one, like a hot lead ball burning through your stomach lining and melting your intestines, when your lungs get hot and heavy and you can't breathe, when you're just so devastated you can't even cry. Yeah, that one.

i think all our gods are dead

I can't deny that having you stay is what I want because I'm selfish like that and you know it. But you also have to know I want you to be happy. Staying in this little sector of hell will destroy you like it has our parents and friends. I want you to leave but I'm not strong enough to tell you that...hey, you all ready know that. I forget to be mad at you when I finally get to see you. Man, there's no way that this can be made easier. Especially when you whisper that sappy bullshit and do that thing with your tongue.. Well, whatever.

‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ You whispered I love you like you couldn't help yourself. Over and over again like it had to stick in my mind. Fire, smoldering over our bodies and in your eyes, Kisses like you had to have my soul melting into yours. (you said: I could kiss you forever, you know that?) The time it took for fingers to dip and trace out curves and lips Seemed an eternity breathed in a moan.. (I can't stand to see you cry) You did a nice job causing the tears.

not in my mind right now, leave a message Looking in the crossword to find out how I feel. Six words across, synonyms: brainless, dazed, deficient, dense, dim, dodo, little girl. The newspaper leaves ink on my fingers, I leave the crossword unfinished to have a smoke, all while the answer nags at my mind. "You're a stupid, stupid little girl."

It's a rainy weekend alone while everyone else parties or has to work. Here I am, unemployed and a loser. Yeah, well fuck you guys anyway.

I took a walk after dinner and ended up lying on the slide at the park, smoking. The wind howled around me and it was kind of cold, but I didn't feel it much. I watched the clouds move and darken and the oak branches sway. Smoke swirled around me and in my nostrils. Peaceful. I went home. So I spilled my drink, right, and my dad yelled and beat the hell out of me. Have no idea where momma is, maybe at Linda's. My meds are running low but I don't have a job or insurance to get more. I'm eating too much, such a fucking pig...No music. NOTHING.

Scattering the ashes of misspent youth at the top of the slide. Alone, except for the birds in the distance and the odd car passing by. Cherishing the peace and the smell of ciggeretts and rain. It's lonley at the top. I'm staring at a pack of cigs right now, debating on whether or not to brave the wind and rain. Why do I enjoy these?

Sitting on a rusty step ladder, watching the sun die in violent hues and sink beneath the trees I prayed last night. Slapping at misquitoes I looked upwards and poured my heart out. "Our almighty Lord" I began, "Hear me. I'm weak and confused. I want to be a good person, I want to feel your love. Lord, soften my calloused heart and push the numbness out to make a home. Help me with this anger that fills me, help me with my apathy and destroyed esteem. Lord, you're suppost to be a father and I want you to guide me to take me into your arms and help me. Close my lips, help stop the lies my life revolves around. Help stop this anger and revenge that fules me and destroyes me. Give me a soul." I paused, watching the bats that swooped over my head before turning my head. I watched the cats play in the weeds to gather my thoughts. How long has it been? "Lord," I wispered. "I ask forgiveness for the blasphemy and my anger directed at you. I have denied you for little more than a decade.." has it really been that long? "I've cured your existence in your holy places, I could blasphem so easily..Forgive me, papá, Protéjame" Tears welled in my eyes but didn't break. I listened to the crickets for a bit; their melody soothed me as much as it could. In my heart, silence. I felt the familiar ache but nothing more. I shook my head and teetered on my seat before jumping off and running inside. The screen door slammed and its hinges protested but were ignored. I made my way to the back of the house, grabbed the bible from the shelf in the bathroom and slammed my bedroom door. I turned the radio to a christian station, flinging my tarot cards off my bed. Blowing dust off the book I began to read. The stories were familiar; I knew all about the bible. It was a detached curiosity when I was younger and I go to church so I've read most of it. It never ment much to me before. Still nothing. I think God's dead. I can't let myself believe that. I have to believe in something. Someone.

You scored as True Neutral. A True Neutral person has two faces- either these people are merely apathetic, preferring to focus their minds on more important things, or these people truly believe in a balance of all things. To these people, there can be no light without some darkness. These people also have no dedication to, or intrinsic distrust of, laws.True Neutral85%Neutral Evil70%Chaotic Neutral70%Chaotic Evil65%Chaotic Good65%Lawful Evil40%Neutral Good30%Lawful Good20%Lawful Neutral0%What is your Alignment?created with QuizFarm.com

Maybe it was in the air.. Riding down dirt roads and taking curves too fast with his arm around my shoulders and the music rattling around. Sam's head was bent, trying to look at the stars and the moon and probably trying to ignore us while we sang along to the radio. I'm not much for talking so I just mouthed the words and lied my head on his shoulder and stroked his thigh while he sang in my ear. We were late for something, riding in the country and taking the long way to my house but it didn't matter much because everything was just perfect in that minute. In those moments I was so fucking okay that I wanted to cry and sleep with him still beside me. Maybe it was because I forgot my medication.. The fact that he made me so complete should have frightened me...but it only made me smile when he stroked my cheek and called me sweetheart and kissed me twice before I left. When I walked in the house and his truck rumbled away I could still hear the radio crackling a song out and I felt so right.