wow i soo forgot about this thing. though it doesnt seem like its been thatt long. so whats new.. mom and i have something in common for once in our lives. both of us are pumped beyond belief about graduation. and shes been goin crazy buyin all kinds of shit for my dorm room. seeing that i not only have a room. but a living room kitchen and bathroom to supply for. my mom is going into organizing purchasings like woah. ive tried to tell her that we have quite some time to worry about thsi. but she insits on starting now becasue if she spreads it out. it wont look like she spent as much as it would if she bought it all at once. haha she started a away to school clothes box already too. that consist of 2 abercrombie pajama pants. and a new coat cause it gets cold up there in the winter and ill have to go outside and warm up my car before class. i think shes more pumped about this then i am. thoughi cant say im complaining. picking the major was kinda weird cause im not sure where im going with this.. but the fact that ill be able to have a gun at any point. haha chyaa.

i cant believe i used to have time for this thing like everydayy. soo christmas break. so far has been kind of bitter sweet. pretty much got everything i wanted for chirstmas. but family time is deffinitely needed to be minimal. tuesday left to go to the city for work. how cool must they feel when they send a 19 and 17 year old to your store to tell you how to get your shit together. though i cant say i didnt enjoy that. so got home on thursday night. and the boyfriend got to meet the extended family :) hmm hes cute. and they think so too. so today had the day off and all to myself. so i gotta go get ready cause me and my lovee are going to pre-game. then the boy is coming overr :) sooo thats about it. laterr. .. i love the constant 1up-ness goin on.

.. once again im so highly amused by the shit that people do. cause i mean, it never gets old or anything.

ehh. im sick. but i got some stellar drugs from the doctorr. nicee. haha my voice sounds wicked weird. but its a change for once so im not complaining. cant say that much has changed lately. which is bad in a certain situation. well not bad but its just getting old. but then its good in another :) hmm yayy. work tonight and all this weekend? neato. later yall.

last night.. was thee most amazing night of my entire life. theres no doubt about it. i absolutly love this boy. that scares me.

doubt is a word that comes to mind. but i am. so it all works out.

hes going away this weekend and that makes me sadddd. i want him to stay here. so we can go friday. but nooo he has to leave for the weekend. LOSER.

wow that had to be thee best night of my entire life last night. haha i apparently dont give binghamton enough credit. who knew there was a deep bing perfect for partying? scariest shit and funniest shit everr. not that i remember much of the pool game? its been awhile since ive had this feeling so im gonna enjoy it while it lasts. hes soo damn cute. its was cool though cause everyone was like paired off. but all together. so it worked. hmm not much is new lately. i was stressin for school on monday. but now i got like a list of events for the whole week so im set. no gym tomorrow. i thinkk. so that means a whole hour to do our routine. im pumped.

uh ohh. secrets out :o :x yep the secrets out- you guys are officially psychotic. you really should just mind your own business and stay out of stuff that doesnt involve you. --- ??? to the random people who think my life revolves around whatever happens in other certain peoples lives. my secret involves me and a guy in my own worthless life. hence the previous entry?? as if its any of your business anyway. so how about you take your own advice and not worry about what goes on in mine?

hmm. hes cutee and i loooveeee himmmmmm :D

nothing.

honestly your a fucking whore. Ed.) ? .. not so much but i guess the truth hurts

wow i forget about this thing.. life is shity and nothing new is good so i dont feel like mentioning a bad incodent. school starts in 8 days. yayyyyyy. hmm ill try to think of more for later.

i thought things were supposed to get easier with time. fuck that. cause its only getting worse with every waking second..

summer still officially sucks. im ready to go back to school. i actually might be able to hate summer besides the fact that i dont have to do homework. school is my entertainment. my excuses. and i miss it. senniiorr yearrr babbbyyy. im gona blow off this year soo bad i can already tell. i dont give a shit. i honestly dont. and today my day consited of trying to find something today for about 5 hours. when your entertainment is trying to find entertainment. thats when you know you have problems. hmm so im gonaa go clean my carrr. pppppppeeaaacee.

i can barely surive a night in my mind. ive got a plan. im going to find out just how boring i am and have a good time. cause ever since i tried trying not to find every little meaning in my life. its been fine. ive been cool. with my new golden rule. numb is the new deep.

.. so its been officially summer for about 3 hours now. im bored as fuck. and i have never been so officially miserable about summer in my entire life. three months of absolute bordom and sitting on my ass. i tried to think of things i can do or accomplish over this summer. all of which wasnt exactly that long of a list to say the least. nor do i feel that the things that actually made the list will ever be accomplished. so to sum it up. im miserably bored. and plan to be that way for the next 3 months. summer of 2005 is going to suck major ass.

umm thursdayy i got my car :) haha thats soo my babe and i love it. its wicked dirty. but the weathers been bad. so im gona wait till monday to clean it. and im actually stoked to cclean? haha yeah. and them im stoked to 'accesorise' the car. and then the road test is tuesday :( ahh im wicked nervous but i dont want to think about it too much now. soo yeah next week is only a three day week for me. so its wickedd neato. and if i had a car to drive some asses around in. that would be sooo key :) soo theres like 10 days of shcool left? something like that. which is both wicked awesome and wicked not. everyones leaving. and as much as i want to be a senior for like the party year. cause thats how we do in maine endwell.. i dont want to be a senior. im not ready to leave yet. and its gona be weird graduation. like every yera summer comes. and you know that at the end of the summer your goin back tot the same old place but never seeing these people pretty much ever again. idk i have issues with change. but im scared and im gona miss it. ahh ook enough about that. i have a whole year to dwell on it. other then that. apparently the gods have been on my side. i dont have any idea what ive done to diserve this kid. but whatever the reason.. im not complaining. ahh i love this kid. soo brooke decided to wake my up at 10 this morning. and then once i finally get up. she laves. tiss. whata bitchh. haha sooo now that im all ready to go. were goin out to vestal to do some random shit. the cook out with paul. dana. and the children of thiers is tonight becasue theyre leaving us again :( colleens coming in town tonight? which would be super cool casue i have tonss to update her on.. peace esay. 1

so my moms asked for like the millionth time in about 2 days whats wrong with me. i just got off the phone with her. and shes like seriosulys these passed few days youve been like out of it. shes like i know your not mad or youd be actin all pissy. and when your happy yourr happy and again i said nothing but idk i guess i havent really noticed it. maybe i realized its literally game over. to be honest i feel like half dead. i really do feel nothing though. im not mad but im not happy. im not tired but im deff not awake. and i feel spacy if thats the way to describe it. its just weird. and today was the weirdest things. i was most deff freaking myself out. you know how when you fall asleep but you wake up not knowing where you are exactly. yeah that happened to me today in chem. only i never fell asleep. we were goin over the review. and the next thing i new i like sat up right and was like panicing inside and looking around cause i couldnt remember where i was. i recognized the people and the room but i couldnt remember where i was or anything. idk werid. and like all through the day it seemed like the room was spinning. like not a dizzy sickness. but more like i was the one spinning but i felt more like a buzzing. idk i better stop because now i sound and feel like a complete pshyco. haha me and dani miller. were aliens.

ouch .. :(