okay...so i totally just did something that i promised myself i would never do. im not going to say it cause i might get in trouble but hey. just so you know it was something i promised myself and everyone else. and i broke it. i broke the one promise that i said i would never break to my boyfriend. but i did. god im such an asshole. he told me not to feel bad. but i do. i hate myself right now. i cant even eat. i havent ate since before 1ish and its eight now. im going fucking crazy. i want to kill myself. not really but almost thats how bad i feel. god im such a horriable person. i want him to forgive me. but..he shouldnt have to. ive lied to many times before for him to just forget this one. i cant even keep my own lies straight. im just hurting everyone around me. it would be better if iwas dead.
okay so again with bein pissed at my boyfriend. i love him and everything...but he can just be a total piece of shit sometimes. so today i wrote something about how im sick of shit happenin to me. he goes all anal about it and starts bitchin me out! i mean really bitchin me out. so finally after hes tryin to explain this to me...which i still dont get...he all gets pissy and says..nevermind youd ont get it. so then hes like you dont get why i love you do you? i said well its prolly not worth it to tell me cause you know ill just not get it. so then he says thats exactally what im pissed at. then hangs up the fuckin phone! how gradeschool huh. got so i got so pissed off i threw the phone and threw my glasses, which i just use to read, and went and punched a door. it hurt and my hand still hurts but...it made me feel better...a little. no holes in the wall thank god. but yah..oh yah before this whole little thing..he continued to tell me that i was lazy...awe how sweet huh! cant believe i got a good one huh. i mean yah..okay listen guys who are all reading this...i may be pissed off at my boyfriend..but he is a good boyfriend. no matter what you say. hes very good to me. sometimes he just gets frustrated that i dont understand...but hesnot a bad boyfriend. i do love him with all of my heart even though it doesnt seem like it.
man...this sucks so bad...first of all i have to stay home and not be able to go anywhere while my parents...yes PARENTS party! how unfair is that?? oh yah and then the greatest thing after that...yah my boyfriend goes to a valentines dance...but not with me. Yah tell me thats not shitty. so yah im just like..all fuckin home alone..while my parents are partying and my boyfriends with another girl at a valentines dance..oh im so lucky! yah and then this bitch who i hate with a fuckin passion...no names michelle basset..thinks shes all that an a fuckin piece a pie but shes a fuckin hoe bag who ic ant fuckin stand! god i hate her so much! i just fuckin fake bein friends with her...shes such a dumbass slut whore! fuck why cant people just fuckin die??