{241} There has to be an explanation

i think there is oviously something wrong with me because im oviously not normal. i just wish i knew exactly what it was and i wish someone would do something about it. shannon told my mom that im mean to boys. funny thing is that i've always know that. i think im mean bc im afraid if im nice they'll make fun me or call me fat. im afraid of boys not like omg they're so scary i'm in second grade. im afraid of someone actually caring for me bc i know if they do ill just think there lying and making a joke with there friends :( im going to do my best to change that.. i had more to say, but i forget what it was. oh and i think i should start looking for a new job. since i hate target i need to go to something smaller i like it smaller, and besides i have a feeling thats shannon and denise arn't going to last and she knows it so that way i wont be left alone at target.
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{239} I had a blast..

i just got home from the mall with roxanne and shannon and i honestly had so much fucking fun! ahh i love them both. shannon and i talked A LOT about dennis and elliott like things we wouldn't have talked about before. i liked it a lot and i think for the first time we didn't feel uncomfortable. im really happy things with her and i are as good as they are i love my best friend. hi my names kalin woods and i've had sex one time and i think i know everythign about it and i didn't use protection! im sorry, but i can't stand her. i'm so much happier not hanging out with her its fine talking to her at school and a little online, but as of hanging out im not sure i can do that anymore she just stesses me out so bad and im sorry if that upsets anyone, but i can't do it anymore. besides all that i had a really great night ♥
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{237} Enough with the drama!

stephs so retarded these days. like im not even upset about the fact that her and kalin are like bff. im over all of that i've gotten closer to other people and forgot to worry about that. she just picks fights she makes drama. she used to tell me.. "im in a freaking out kinda mood who should i bitch at?" and would just go and bitch at anyone mostly sam for no reason at all. i mean thats how shit gets started. tomorrow should suck real bad. i have to work so that pretty much fucks my whole day up. might sound retarded to everyone else, but i hate work. i don't have beattie friday or monday so that means half days for me :DDD sooo happy! hehe friday i think shannons going to come home with me to see the new house! then we're gonna go to the football game i suppose. saturday i work 9-5 then my cousins are all coming over for dinner :) i love having family over. sunday i work, but i might call off depending on how tired i am.. i dunno it would be nice just to relaxe all day. monday my moms going to pick me up right after 4th period we'll prob go for lunch then the mall so i can get some pants for work. the mest concerts tuesday. i wanted to see mest, but i really wanted to see bert.. is that retarded? thursday karina told me that the starting line and fall out boy and some other pretty hot bands are coming to town i'd like to go to that, but i dunno. i gtg work on my star chart for astonomy sp? so i'll probally update this weekend maybe. oh ps. i think i might have mono don't tell anyone that. i keep getting these lumps on my neck and im really tired and im never hungry anymore just really thirsty? i dunno if steph and i are talking i'll ask her where she used to get her lumps they hurt so bad. night♥
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