MOVING TO MYSPACE: www.myspace.com/soul_meets_body79 add me.

Ah. So much has happened. First of all... today was the first day of second semester. It sucks. I have NO ONE in any of my classes. Second of all, we had to set up our new computer that my uncle gave us at Thanksgiving because my brother spilled water on the keyboard and totally killed it. Third of all, Mike... the super prep... and his girlfriend, the super-super-super prep... went to Championship. No prep in their right minds go there. I wanted to throw something at them. Fourth of all, Courtney is going out with Ryan. Who is 19 and was a second year senior. Fifth of all, I have a new love: Panic! At The Disco. They're amazing. Yeah... that's about it. So I'm gonna change the colors. Because I feel like it. ♥♥♥

I got this from one of my old diaries. --------------------------------------------- This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be that they are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the rite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it. This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it's an experience that they don't want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude L0VESzs and explicit invitations that they'd rather not have experienced. This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed. This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they're too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend. This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hookup. This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship: it was that he didn't want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep. This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisified with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys. This is what I don't understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mindgames, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call...and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're NOT looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intermural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it. So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won't answer your catcalls, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in whore's clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we're all thinking the same thing: "This isn't me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be wearing a teeshirt and flannel shorts, I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me." You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don't want the nice girl.. so don't say you're looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets... the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congradulatory hug (and yes, if she's a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won't matter), hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race. So maybe it won't last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we're waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat (because what's a concession stand at a race without some chocolate?) This made me tear up a little... because it's true. ;| Not to sound emo or anything. So enough about that. UGH! I can NOT wait for tomorrow, because it's only 1 day until the weekend and I need my sleep. CRAP. I'm getting kicked off. Gotta go. ♥♥♥

I don't really have much to update about. I got $45 gift card for the iTunes music store. 45 songs to download. I should download one now, but I won't. I'm a little music happy. I don't know how to describe how I'm feeling right now. Um... I'm listening to a lot of Death Cab For Cutie if that means anything. Apathy, I think? Um... I don't know. But whatever. It's cool. I sooooooo do NOT want to go back to driver's ed and Mike and that hellhole. Bleh. Rawr. Grr. Yeah. That's about it. Say goodnight and go ♥

BULLET IN A BIBLE!!! I GOT BULLET IN A BIBLE!!!!!!!! (And some other stuff.) :D More later. ♥♥♥

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!! TODAY WAS AMAZING!! :D Dodgeball- I should have signed up. It was so awesome. My friend Amanda went to the finals, but lost. ;( Next year, Manda. Cards- More people than I thought actually love me. Jami, who I thought hated me, got me a card. Wooo. I love Courtney!!! She made a story all about our progressions and it's filled with inside jokes! :D It's amahzing. I'll have to scan it in here soon. Pictures of me- I have awwwwesome pictures of me but I've got to upload them soon. I'VE GOT TO COME CLEAN ABOUT SOMETHING. I don't think it's a big deal, but it's kind of been bugging me. My name's not really Alexis. It's Marlyn. Yeah. I didn't lie about anything that happened; I just changed my name because: 1) I was going to through a "I hate my name" phase so I've decided to use "Alexis." It sounded cooler. But I don't feel like an Alexis, I like my name. Even if it is weird. 2) Also I think I could complain about people I dislike and I didn't want anyone else seeing it. But no more! My name's Marlyn, damn it and I want you to know it! 3) I didn't want internet perverts to find me. So I created an alias. Don't be mad. I even said in the beginning of my old journal (punknjunk) that my real name was NOT "Alexis." I even say it here. But still don't be mad. (hides under computer chair) ♥♥♥

5 MORE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh man. Yesterday was AMAZING!!! We played handball and Martha got nailed. =) It was awesome. AND I AM 89% OVER MIKE!!!! And that's my big news. ♥♥♥

No one loves you & you know it There is ICE outside and all we get is a two fucking hour delay. Yeah. There's a rumor that Mike's a coke dealer. Probably. There are so many people who do drugs in my school. The girls' bathroom in the science hallway smelled like peanuts. Then someone told me it was pot. Anyway, I'm SO sick of Mike. I honestly am. And his stupid conceited girlfriend. My friends say I'm getting over him slowly. Go me. I deserve a cookie. =D we salute all the fools going off with part of their broken hearts still falling for someone stupid who was popular for not having smarts and we don’t understand why we ever liked them in the first place we don’t know or understand why we always idolized their deceiving face ♥♥♥

Woo. I'm screwed! I forgot the MOST important notes for my bio paper! And now the ONLY person in my bio class who will give them to me is NOT ONLINE!!! And she's all "l0l" about it. GRRRRRRR. You know what, I'm just writing them. I'll explain the situation to B-Dawg (haha... that's what we call our bio teacher...) and if he takes points off of it, then oh freaking well. And Miss Bert's coming back. Not cool, because the subs' usually let us do whatever we want. But I kind of feel bad because there's this new girl, Paige and a lot of people think she's a nark, but I kind of feel bad for her because all she wants to do is have someone to talk to in English and no one talks to her. When I talk her, she's either really sweet or she's all snotty. Ugh. Whatever. I'm SOOOOOOO ready for CHRiSTMAS!!!!! ONLY 2 MORE WEEKS!! ♥♥♥

WOOO! Our crime scene was amazing. No Greg though. ='( But it was cool. And then the yearbook people came and took a picture of me kneeling beside the "dead body" and Mr. Brown said it was good. But they wouldn't let me see it! No fair. >=( Oh well. It was fun. And then yesterday we had to do DNA fingerprinting and load stuff with DNA and I felt like Greg. =P And on top of all of that, I woke up to SNOW!! And school was cancelled!!! YES!!! Except I had to shovel our driveway and sidewalk. Not cool. My toes went numb. Never cool, man. CSI was amazing last night!!! And next week is Chrismukkah in the OC! So excited. I think I should make a Chrismukkah shirt and make Christmukkah cards. I should. I will! ♥♥♥

That it just is Cause everybody dies... Today was good. Better than yesterday. Gym was hilarious. I kept missing foul shots. I can the ball in the air, I just can't get it near the basket. =P And MIKE-O (jerkwad who I like) was stuck doing pilates or something. HAHA. But of course, he was at an angle where he could see my suckage at basketball. Bleh. That was not cool. And on top of all of it, all my friends know I will not go near him, so while he's walking during warm-ups, everyone's like "Hey let's run!" I probably look like the world's biggest spaz. But he'll think I'm so kick-ass when I throw a basketball at his girlfriend's stupid friend. No one likes her. You know what her slogan was when she tried running for vice president? "YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO." Please. I could come up with better crap. WEDNESDAY, WE START OUR CRIME LAB IN BIO!! So excited! No Greggo included, sadly. =( That would make bio a trillion times better. CSI joke for all the non-CSI watchers. OK, well that's about it for today. Gilmore girls tomorrow! ♥ Life is good. ♥♥♥

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||||| 43% Stability |||||| 26% Orderliness |||||| 30% Accommodation |||||||||||||||| 63% Interdependence |||||||||||| 43% Intellectual |||||||||||||| 56% Mystical |||||||||||| 43% Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Religious |||||| 23% Hedonism |||||||||||| 50% Materialism |||||||||||||||||| 76% Narcissism |||||||||||||||| 63% Adventurousness |||||||||||||||| 63% Work ethic |||||||||| 36% Self absorbed |||||||||||||||| 63% Conflict seeking || 10% Need to dominate |||||| 23% Romantic |||||||||||||||| 70% Avoidant |||||||||||||| 56% Anti-authority |||||||||||| 43% Wealth |||||||||| 36% Dependency |||||||||||||||| 63% Change averse |||||||||| 36% Cautiousness |||||||||||||||| 70% Individuality |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Sexuality |||||||||||| 50% Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||||| 76% Physical security |||||||||||||||||| 76% Physical Fitness |||||||||||||||||| 77% Histrionic |||||||||||| 50% Paranoia |||||||||||| 50% Vanity |||||||||||| 43% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Female cliche |||||||||||||||| 70% Take Free Advanced Global Personality Testpersonality tests by similarminds.com --- Oh, this just makes me feel 10x better. & this loss isn't good enough for sorrow or inspiration ♥♥♥

Well. My day. Went to a Christmas party and got this shower stuff. YUM! =) Smells SO good!! Umm... that's about it. I'm sorry my life is boring as hell, but I'm a loser. I don't have many friends, so I don't hang out with them much. Or I have people who I think are my friends, but they just wanna copy off my paper. Or they're sucky friends. Or we're growing apart. And I hate it. Rawr! I'm going to comment diaries. Much love. ♥♥♥

Angsty. Haha. Funny word. GRRRRRRR. I hate them! They're too cute together! I'm a horrible person. I don't know why half of my friends are friends with me. And now I'm pitiful. Great! Ugh... more later. Mom's yelling at me. ♥♥♥

You know what I love more than four day weekends? My friends. All of them. Here's why. Brandy- There's this girl in her chorus who was going on and on about how cute Mike and his dinosaur (her words, not mine!) are just SO cute together. So Brandy tells her, "You're only saying that because he's a senior and she's the sophomore class president. If he was going out with a different sophomore, you'd think it was disgusting." Mercedes- She told me he sat behind her in church this past Sunday and she wanted to "bitch him out" so bad! I thought she hated my guts. Guess not. Nicole- She just wants to kick his ass and tell the 50-foot-woman that cheerleading's not a sport (because 50-foot gets mad when people say that). Billie- Yes Billie, I mean you!! She's willing for me to move in with her if things get ugly. And put up with my rambling and falling down and lack of not watching the OC. Katie- We were standing in line yesterday and he gave us both a dirty look. She smiled and waved. Anyone who comments- you just rock. Period. So... four day weekend. YES. Thank God for parent conferences. I got my report card back. All Bs and a C. Not bad. But my parents want at least 1 A. So I'm dead. My guitar is broken. ='( Well not really, it just needs a string. But I can't play it until then because that's the string I need to play the "Whatsername" solo with. I'm so emo now. ='( Haha. OK, well I must go. ♥♥♥

I. am. the. stupidest. person. on. the. planet. Yeah, the day after I posted my last entry, I find out Mike is going out with the sophomore class president, who I do not like much. She's too tall for him! Grrr! So anyway, I'm telling my friend Katie and guess what? Some girl, who is a friend of both Mike and the 50 foot woman, started butting in, telling me to shut my mouth. She even called me a whore! So the next day, I'm talking to Katie again. "Hey look, the girl who opened her mouth is talking to him." I look over. Speak of the devil. "So?" I turn back to her. "Oh my..." "What?" "He just looked at you. He doesn't look to happy." "SHIT!!" So this is my plan: dye my hair red, change my name, wear sunglasses and a trenchcoat, and go move to another part of Pennsylvania. Sounds like a plan. Oh well, I don't care anymore. Though if I see the 50 foot woman in the hallway, I kind of hide myself. ♥♥♥ Edit:// Here's the NEW plan: dye hair red, change name, wear sunglasses and a trenchcoat and go move with my friend Billie who lives in another part of Pennsylvania. Sounds like a plan. =D

Grr. People are jerks. And I am one too for not updating. I'm sorry. I really do love you guys. Today in first block, I'm wearing a cropped denim jacket (geez, I'm growing superficial with each passing day. Someone slap me.) and this Jeff kid in my history class was giving me grief about it too short. "My three-year-old cousin could fit in there, except your arms are too long." :confused: What the hell? OK. I needed to get that off my chest. I should tell you guys the English class story... but it makes me look like such a spaz! Oh well, it's my story of the week, so you'll probably hear about it anyway. OK, I am NOT good with speaking in front of crowds, especially my English class. I have no idea why, but it just happens that way. So anyway, we had to present poems and mine was a mushy one. It was. And I was speechless and redundant (hence the title). So Mrs. Bert kept making sighing noises and I tried not to laugh or cry or just spaz. So after the fifth time, I turn around and go, "Mrs. Bert, I'm really nervous right now and your sound effects are not helping me! So please just stop!" "What are you gonna do when you get to Comp/Comm?" "Pass out." But she didn't take it too seriously and she told me I did good for someone who was nervous. So yeah. That was another great moment by me. I got myself one of those myspaces. I miss this though. I promise I'll put up homecoming pictures. I have to find the cable that connects the camera to the computer and/or the memory card scanner. ♥♥♥

I'm the son of rage and love The Jesus of suburbia From the bible of none of the above On a steady diet of soda pop and Ritalin No one ever died for my sins in hell As far as I can tell At least the ones I got away with MAN. I LOVE Green Day. I'm so mad. They didn't come to Hershey this time. I got me a new xanga: bangxbangxromance. Check it out, biznatches. I might write in that more than in here because I'm retarded like that. Homecoming. The 15th. Gr. I want a date and four guys I had in mind aren't exactly what I want. One's taken, one's very immature (what did I expect?), one is... well, a prep, and the other one is most likely taken. Just my luck. I signed up for Bowling Club. I want to do it. There are so many people I haven't talked to in forever in that club. So. I met Stephen and Vinnie. Both from the rival high school. Sadly, I'm not allowed to talk to Stephen because he's Katie's ex and blah blah blah drama. And Vinnie! God, I love that freshman. It was FREEZING and here is this skinny little skater boy, taking off his shirt. Ha ha! Today, Nicole came over and we hung out at the park, which was drenched because it had rained for two days straight. Then Manzo (flippin' love that kid too) and two other kids on their bikes kept doing tricks for us. They always do. Crazy kids. So tomorrow, Nicole and I are going to Applebee's. Yes! I ♥ Applebee's. ♥♥♥

#entry_table {border:8px dashed;border-color:#00FFFF} WOW. WOW. For a bunch of old guys, the Rolling Stones kick major ASS!!! Beck was AWESOME!!! I wanna marry that "loser." Haha. It was so funny. Here I am with my dad, watching Beck and I randomly scream, "I LOVE YOU, BECK!!!" Haha. Alexis is a loser too. See? We're perfect! Haha. So... got a game today. Gag. I don't wanna play. Rawr... OK... I better get off. If I get caught on the internet without permission again, I'm dead. Remember, whatever it seems like forever ago ♥

Ow. I pulled a muscle. Hating this layout... So... anyway. The majority of my friends are mad and/or disappointed in me. Just because I don't like Mike anymore (well, don't WANT to like him anymore) does NOT give them the right to be mad at me!! Grr... my friends suck. Well, except for my friends on here and a handful here in Alexis-land. GAAAAAH! I guess that all you got is all you're gonna get so much for so much more ♥