So i havn't been home in what seems like forever an i think my dad hates me for it. I never want to be though because first of all, theres nothing to do there. if i am at home i am just on the computer or listening to music. reason two, mike and my friends make me feel more loved. I mean my step mom is AMAZING but anyone else in my family could care less. i've been upset at the fact that devin is leaving again and i wont see him till summer. but i know his life is good in canada right now and i shouldn't be selfish. I thought i had found out who i am but it seems i am still looking. the one and only thing i am sure of in my life is mike. i'm so in love and so happy that i get overwhelmed and cry. I'm so thankful to have him in my life. so now i guess i am going to find the rest of who i am...♥

i've been really upset lately. to be honest i cant even put my finger on exactly what it is. but it's this pain that wont leave. i just keep building things up inside me. and it all just attacks me inside. i never feel good enough for anyone. i never know who i can trust. it's not that i'm always sad. because i have been my happiest i've ever been in a long time when i am with him. but then i get myself thinking. i just dont want to get hurt again im constantly hold these tears inside me. i need my mom. i need my dad. but neither of them are really there. to be honest, i'd rather be fighting with them like we used to because it showed me they cared. now they just dont talk to me. i feel like such a crappy person. i do this to myself. i go searching for ways to hurt myself. reading things. looking at pictures. and i feel like i cant compair. i'm just cambria. i want to feel like im important. i get told the same things she did. she seems like so much more fun. what do i have to offer? what do people even see in me? im a nobody. and i just care too much. too much about people. i love so easily. i feel so weak. and im scared people are going to see that and take advantage of it. i dont know what to do about all this. it's stabbing me though. how do i get rid of it all.

Loving Life as of Now ♥

okay i knoww people were worried about my last entry, im fine. stuff like that has happend to me before and yeah, i've just learned to deal with the jerks out there. anywaysss, im way happy now and my life revolves around art. no feeling beats the feeling when im doing my art. ♥

So im happy like really happy. so far this quarter i have gotten all my work in and i've learned a new technique for making self portraits!! I get to pick out my camera and boots this friday!!! andddddd in two weeks it's my sweet sixteen! Only thing bad thats been happening to me is i keep getting these horrible head achs that i want to just go away. i get one every day now and becuase i am so stubbern i wont take pills because i believe i can make myself better... some how.. haha but thats little and nothing to all the good thats in my life right now. ♥

i've known him 2 weeks. I told him to stop. he wouldnt listen. he was drunk and i was innocent. he pushed my hand down and said "it's me baby" but it wasn't him. and i was scared. i told him no. he took off my top. i told him no. he pulled my hair and said "you like that baby?" he took off my belt. i told him no. he tried to go down my pants. not just once.. but more. i told him no. he got upset but i stuck to my word. so he grabbed my hand and put it down again. i wanted to cry but i couldn't. he just told me "shh" and kissed me. i'm hurt by last night. he doesn't see it. i'm still shooken up. i don't know what to do...

So right now i am so incredibly happy. my dad and i are getting along which means the world to me. I've been able to start getting over taylor......... it's been so hard but i've started liking a new boy and he is so sweet, he treats me so good and makes me feel so loved! + he is wayyyy tall, has black hair, and is skinny.... sound framlier? haha i know i just described taylor but this boys named dustin and he kicks taylor's mo fuckin ass at being a caring guy. it's okay though, me and tay are friends. It feels good also not doing drugs. fuck that shit. but anyways, i love my friends and i love talking to dustin..... what else do i need? hmmmmm i love the summer ♥

me and taylor broke up again. this time final. i like this one boy now. i feel like shit. goodnight. ♥

The love of my life, Tay One of my best friends, Ian! My baby, sydney! Darling Elyse OLD hair, with my ZANG baby! sex hair! haha love mackenzie and sheridan My sis Chloe! The little dork, Crystal ♥

well i had a okay day today. i woke up, did a poop load of laundry but after that got to spend sometime with my boy, had some kfc and now i'm just chillen at home. gah! i cant wait to leave and spend some time with my some of my really good friends in arizona. i'm going to miss tay so much though!! he's going to an as i lay dying show!!! not fair but i get to go to warped tour 3 times!!! hahaha so yes i seem happier then ever but some stuff went down yesterday/night with my best friend crystal and im so scared for her. but i wont talk about it on here because its not my business to say. anyways, i'm really happy with life ♥ ps. still hoping to meet new people!

When school ended, something in my head told me this is going to be your best summer ever. and so far it really is. I'm so excited for warped tour. It's all i can think about and i get to go warped tour a few times this year. im go excited!!! No matter what i am seeing fall out boy and the starting line and from first to last every time!!! i'm so happy with life right now. seriously, nothing could bring me down right now....acually i can think of a few things that would kill me about now but i wont even sike myself out. anyways, i'm hoping to make some new friends on here and if you feel like you can relate to me, leave me a comment! ♥

So i decided it was time for a new diary, a fresh start, new friends!! I love meeting new people so feel free to comment ♥