have you ever lost your bestfriend due to suicide?
have you ever woke up wondering if your bestfriend comitting suicide was all a terrible dream?
have you ever realized that your bestfriend is gone forever?
i have.
a couple of months ago, my bestfriend since kindergarden hung herself.
she thought it was the only way to get rid of all the pain in life.
she was so wrong.
ever since kindergarden people have been giving her a hard time because she didn't look like any of them.
she was really pretty. long brown hair, big blue eyes, and a smile that could kill.
everyone made fun of her because she wore glasses and had braces.
it wasnt her fault.
then one night she went into the garage, and grabbed the toghest rope.
she went into her back yard and tied the rope around her neck, and sat at her picnic table and wrote a note for her mom. then she grabbed a chair and placed it under the nearest branch. she waved goodbye to the world and walked off the chair.
the day after i was waiting for the bus and i saw her mom. crying. she approched me and told me melissa had commited suicide the night before. i almost fell to my knees. i sat down in a flower bed as melissa's mom told me the rest of what happened. she reached into her purse and pulled out a peice of paper. she handed it to me and told me to read it. i opened the nicely folded note and started to read.
"Dearest Mother,
you have been good to me over the past fifteen years.
what i did wasn't your fault, so don't beat yourself up for it.
all my life i've been through hell, dealing with school.
i couldn't take getting mocked or even beat up for every little thing
i couldn't ever go back to that awful place.
i love you very much.
and someday we'll be together again.
love always: melissa"
after reading the note my heart stopped.
i started crying. melissa's mom told me that her funeral was going to be in a week. and that i could come because i was her bestfriend, and if i didn't show then she'd understand. she also told me that loosing a bestfriend is hard for a teenager to go through, and it's also harder for a mother.
i couldn't go to her funeral because i couldn't stand seeing my bestfriend laying in her casket, not moving or never waking up.
i went to her burrial the day after, and it was harder to see her being put in ground so early. i couldn't believe she was gone forever.
melissa was a very complicated person. i was the only one who really understood her, because i took the time to get to know her before i made my decision, and i knew from the start that she was going to be my bestfriend.
she will always be in my heart.
this summer has been crazy for me. it had more drama then a dramatic sitcom. but just when i thought it was over, it surprised me with more bull shit from the people i don't need to take it from. the only best part about the summer is hanging out with my friends [going camping, hanging at the mall, watching movie, ect.] i wish the summer would have turned out differently, but i guess everything happens for a reason.
breaking the friendship between me and my really old bestfriend was the best thing that had ever happened to me. i guess what happened was meant to happen. i thought when we stopped being friends, i would feel like shit, but i was wrong ... i feel fine with the whole deal.
a really huge thing was pretty shocking this summer ... i found out i'm moving to North Carolina by the next few months. i don't really think im up for that big of a change, but i guess i have bear down and go with the change. my life was bound to change, but i didn't think it would come this soon.
i guess im never one for happy endings, maybe my life is suppost to be a giant thrill ride. with complicated dissions, and high standards. i guess im pretty solid with the whole summer not going to plan deal.
i hope maybe, just maybe next summer will go to my liking. and i will be happier with everyone, and everything about it. but i won't hope too much for it to happen, because if i hope for it, it never comes.
xox; danielle
a bestfriend to me is someone you can relate to, someone you can tell anything to and not have to worry about them telling everyone. a bestfriend is someone you can call family, someone you can share any emotion with. people say you can have only one bestfriend but there are three people i trust with my life, three people i classify as family, three people who are always there when i need them most. those three are: melissa mcdonald, karlii card, and samma lindes there what i call my bestfriends.
they help me through the tough times in life, from my brother being in the hospital to my parents spliting up. we have been through so much together, and im pretty thankful i can call them my bestfriends.
melissa mcdonald: i've known her since i was in kindergarden, we used to hang out all time. until i saw her mom downtown oshawa, and she told me something that made my heart stop. she told me melissa commited suicide the night before. i couldn't believe what i heard, i just couldn't believe it. her mom told me when the funeral was and that if i was up for it i could go. i missed her funeral but i went to her burrial thing. i couldn't believe my first best friend in my life was laying in the casket infront of me. she was the only one who understood why i got in trouble so much. she was always there for me and now she's gone. i do miss her terribly but i know that she's in a better place.
karlii card: i met her the sametime as melissa, kindergarden. i remember being five years old overhearing her talking to her mom about her being good enough for everyone, and if she was going to make friends. i also remember going up to her and telling her all she has to do is be herself and she'll do fine, and she didn't have to worry about making friends because she already made one. so from that day on we made a promise to be friends until we borh die. we have had a lot of memories from gathering a couple of her toys and going door to door in our building selling them because we wanted to buy a bike. we got in a lot of trouble though haha. two years ago she moved to Quebec. i thought she was going to be gone forever. we wrote back and forward to eachother. when i went to melissa's burrial thing, my surprise karlii was there, she told me she was staying in oshawa for good. that made me the happiest kid ever.
samma lindes: i met her in grade one. when her and her mom moved to canada from london england. everyone in my class thought she was cool because she had a accent. but she didnt give them the time of day because she thought friends had to be formed by talking to one another and not because one has a accent. i remember going up to her and asking her why she was talking funny. she told me she was born in england and everyone there has one. i was like oh sweet. and she she was like yeah wanna be my new friend? i was like yup for sure. ever since then we were unseperable. we have done everything together. from going to the forest trying to find the swamp thing in the creek to going to her house and playing spyro the dragon. then in grade four she moved back to england, and i thought i lost my bestfriend. then not too long ago she came back and surprised me and spent a weekend here. i was more happy then i thought i would ever be.
im the happiest kid in the world because i have the greatest bestfriends in the world, i wouldn't trade them for anything or anyone in the world.
xox; danielle
*thats me and my bestfriend ashlee*
(im the one with the glasses she's the one with the blue+pink hair)
she is the most raddest person i have ever met. me and her always do random shit when we're together, its so funny though.
we ditched school to go see cows in a farmers yard. (but we got scared and booked it out of the cage)
we snuck into santa clause 3 in theatres and i pretended i was a chair so we wouldn't get in trouble. then when it was a sad part we started laughing so hard for no reason.
she owns hangouts everytime.
♥
xox; danielle