my life...is terrible. nobody wants me....my boyfriend doesn't want me, my parents don't want me, my "friends" don't want me....not even my fucking first love wants me....
fuck all this shit.
i stopped smoking cus im too fucking poorand it's bad for me, i haven't partied in like 2 weeks, and i'm gunna stop b/c it's pointless, and wastes too much of my time...so...now....im just an annoying boring whore...just like my boyfriend said.
i guess he really is always right.
i was skeptical at first...but now....yeah, he knows everything.
i got a new job.
go me.
i miss ian.
& i love him.
goddammit.
i miss ian.
bootcamp is mean to him.
it makes me sad....
rawr!
my bebe starts school today.
i miss him.
i hope he has a good day...
ahhhhhhh nightmare before christmas perfume smells good.....
is it normal for your boyfriend to spend the night at some hot girl's house with 4 other hot girls.....? oh yeah, and 1 other dude.
and they are all drunk.
fuck.
im just waiting for him to mess up.
its ripping my heart out.
fuck this.
i feel like a little girl.
its like being afraid of ghosts...i cant help it.
BLAH BLAH black sheep, lets all eat hay.
how the HELL do you put pictures in an entry????!?!?!?!?!??!
im so pissed....
so im sitting here thinking about shit...
about how i have no idea what to do with my life. about how life is like the gum im chewing...the flavor is all gone...and its kinda rubbery. har har. fuck man. im trying to find an apartment right now..and its not going so well. either the place is really nice and expensive as hell...or a shit hole and just my price. im thinkin bout just makin friends with roaches and not go broke. anyways...im goin out for a smoke. i'll chat at you kids later.
tater tots smell like buttholes.
i only did like...............
[ ] that much, and im so happy.
har har
this will be an everlasting love
um.....what ok. wait. hahaa.
no, it was more than that. the chronicals of narnia ia scary. hahehee
yea....gib lion man.
dude...what he fuck.
robby...dude. no fuckin way.
hello, this is you
telling me what to do
write you say
i dont know how i answer.
this is all like a dream...
weaving like a basket. haha
tables wheel their way out the door.
people hide turtles lay
sand washes up.
timmy, galveston again.
so sleepy so lay me down
into this deep dark stae that holds me tight
all a dream
fantasies for reality...
hahaeeheahlahelalheplahaaeoheheeee!
so, just saw some pics of camp peniel work crew....fun.
i dunno about you, but when i think about camp peniel, i get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, and i want to slit my wrists......but maybe thats just me.
when i think about all the "awesome" "christian" people there...i want to throw myself out of a window...when i see how pretty all the girls are, and when i hear about how cute and nice and christian they are....i want to just die.
it makes me think how terrible a person i am.
and how i will never amount to anything.
and how even though i try to be friendly and be fun to hang around...it never works....
and if it does work...it only lasts for awhile...like...2 or 3 weeks....pedro knows what im talking about. he's done the sarah thing. he knows its not so great. jacob knows too. cept that was for a year...and it would have been 4 months if he didnt feel sorry for me. he stayed with me b/c he knew i sucked fucking ass, and he felt sorry for me.
im so...ugh.
My life sucks today...
Not that anyone cares.
I love Ian so much. Sometimes I wonder why, but as soon as I look at him, I feel the butterflies in my stomach. All those feelings come back. I don't understand him at all. I try so hard to make him happy. I try so hard to make everything right between us. No matter what I do, it never works. It's never good enough. Maybe that's my problem. I'm tying too hard. I realy do try. People say I'm a bitch. I don't understand that either. If I was a bitch, I'd sure as fucking hell be the first to admit it. I know I can be wrong. I know I make mistakes. nobody is perfect. I try to be perfect for him. God i love him. I try to do everything I can for him.
Where did I go wrong...
my life is so....ugh..
thank the non-existant god that tomorrow is 4/20
shit.
aw i love ian. in a friendly way tho.
he's the coolest. he makes me happy. har har.