have you ever wished someone could hear everything you say about them, and know everything you are thinking, and what they are putting you through? you just wish they could feel the pain they put you through? and see the tears you cry cause of them the second they walk away? i think that if he could hear and know everything he would probably feel like a total ass....cause wow, i have never been this hurt before. i have never been through something sooo harsh or been so hurt. kinda sad looking back to when we were like bestfriends, and i'd tell him everything and everything seemed perfect and what not, and all i ever thought was "he would never hurt me...he's perfect" but look where i am now, and i want to thank it all to you. when i was with you, i never thought it would end this way, i thought everything was perfect cause that's what you played it out to me (perfect). i thought everything was finally starting to go the way i wanted it to go, you acted like you cared so much....how could you do that to someone who cares about you so much? why did you even get involved with me if you knew you didn't want me the way i wanted you? i trusted you and let myself get involved with you again, even though you have hurt me already, i beleived you changed, for i don't know why cause my friends told me you'd just do it all over again, cause you knew i'd come back, so you used that agaisnt me and played me like i could mean nothing to you at all....and i guess that's what i do mean to you, and you have no idea how much that hurts knowing how much you ment/mean to me, but w/e... and yet when i ask you about things, and try to talk to you about everything, you can't even talk to me about it? you just leave me hanging not knowing what you want...i seriously you can't even say it has to do with age, and that i'm just "to young" cause right now, you're the one acting immature. i just wish you didn't make everything so confusing, all i gotta say is guys need to figure out what the hell they want before pulling girls into it, cuz we really don't need the bullshit..and i won't blame everything on you, maybe i did do something but i guess i'll never know cause you can't even talk to me about this....but thanks for making the end of my summer the worst, i thought i knew you, but i guess i was wrong. lauren

firsT wEek of school over tomorrow! and it hasn't been as bad as i thought it would be! picture day tomorrow...sucky i hate pictures haha anyways this weekend should be pretty fun! got some good plans hope they work out! lol so it's been twice in a row girls! that's gonna mean something.....no?:S....LOL jk haha fuckk that! but yah i need to find a job! where should i look! i needa get a good job that i can stick to for some molla cuz right now i have a whole bunch of jobs all over the place! beeing in movies, working for my aunts travel agency, workin at the YmcA! wow i gotta get a steady job man! but anyways im going to go for a tan right away! finally starting up again, hollA aT mE PlaYaS! lotsoflove lauuuuren

so last night, me, christie, terilyn, danielle, and alissa drove down to reids cabin, all the boys were already there! everyone went down to party for reids birthday...christie got realllllly sick:( and she didn't even drink! the night was sooo young, so she went home and aliss and dan left with her, which left me and terilyn and all the boys! we started drinking pretty early, by 9:30 everyone was hammerd! it was actually really good havent done that for a while....wow was it a special night or what graemey? LOL ahaha oh man i love my friends! i was puking my face off which never happens anymore, and the night was just great! i never realized how funny all my friends actually are... anyways the point to this whole story is the ending! so i wake up first, and it's 7:30am, looking for some water! i wake up terilyn and graeme and we are being crazy loud and sheet! lol we have everyone else in the cabin yelling at us to shut the fuck up.. everyone got up for a little than went back to sleep and when we woke back up the boys were about to leave, which left no room in the car for me and terilyn! so we walked pretty far, to some restaurant and sat with some old people, they were great company! man oh man did they ever smoke! anyways when our new friends left me and terilyn sat there crying about how we were going to sleep in a ditch if we didn't find a ride home! we were stranded at grand beach! luckly two nice boys heard us and asked if we needed a lift, we took the chance, better than sleeping in a freaken ditch aha...and im still alive!!!! sometimes the most stupid things can be so fun, and sometimes friendships don't last a life time but the memories will....with me and my girls it's forever tho! i love you all so much... here's to reids birthday! lovelauren.

so basically all i have been doing is sleeping during the day and partying at night! ahaha, right now i am actually in a movie as a backround person! it's pretty cool lol....anyways kyle is coming home, for christie, but she's a pimp! WHAT YA GONNA DO BIATCH! aha, i love it christie! u are nothing less than a pimmmmmp. you don't need nick, he's the LAST thing you need, let him go off and be with fatty magee! anyways it's been 4 days now, and that's all i'm gonna say! cause who knows maybe it's not as bad as i think it is! but i guess i will soon know! when i do i will take it good either way, cause there are ups and downs to either way things will end! so i'm happy and really it's not gonna make me sit at home and cry this time;)..... anyways im going to go for a run i think, didn't go to the gym today, feel gross! here's too you christie KjLl*x0x ahaha figure it out love ya

why would you say i hate you, i don't get you...maybe if you try talking to me i could tell you how i really feel...w/e

the first month of summer is officially over! kinda sucks...the summer wasn't that bad i guess, well the first half, it was ok! not what i was hoping for but i mean still alright! the second half is gonna be amazing! that i will make sure of...so the other night i went to this really big family reunion with like 150 people there, most i have never meet in my life! my family is pretty crazy i have to say, fun people tho! something i dont get is howcome everyone there kept telling me and my dad how i was "so gorgious" and i have grown up to be so beautiful and w/not, and still i am single! aha i guess cuz i pass all my chances by with guys, im too picky! if you think you can reach my expectations, let me know;) lol jk, here's to the summer yet to come* it'S LikE thAt chA'LL lauren

second month of summer, i havent writen an entry for a while, sorry!!! been pretty busy and all....this half of summer has been better so far, not the summer i was hoping for but much better! i went out to christie and terilyns cabins now, it was pretty fun! hit up the beach alot! saw some hotties, none compared to someone tho..:P haha, anyways so yah it's been better! CHRISTIE JONES why havent you writen an entry in forever! we should add danielle's ass on this thing...cuz she can "totally go for the emo look" ahaha adam adam adam, great guy:| ...anyways i'm off, maybe get a good sleep for ONCE this summer lol....it's 1:00! haha so yah, seeyah! have a good summer probably wont write until school starts up! ps: oooooh baby that ring tone! aha jones, i'm prayin don't ya worry! keep ya head up .....lauren<3

so, this weekend was fun! i went to christies lake with danielle, we had a good time. uncle robie is the best man! i meet more of the jones family, they are wicked people yo! ( MONEY ) anyways it was fun, we swam and tanned alot of the time, drank a lil;) and just had a fun time....to bad we didn't see sexy paul tho:( lol oh well still fun, can't wait till we go back out with the guys next time;);) gonna be AMAZING, on an island, all alone with our sexy guy friends! aha...by the way i fucking hate big sexy christie, lil sexy was cute tho! tonight when we got back we went cruizin around for a little bit and did what we do ever night meet up with out boys! i am sick tho so i am glad to be home, i hate being sick! im gonna go to bed tho, much love hotties! such.a.shame lauren

so tonight was officially the funniest night of the summer so far! amazing how just doing stupid stuff with your friends can be soo much fun! so anyways tonight i went to christies after her work was over and me her and danielle drove around for a little, not gonna mention to much about that! and after we meet up with the boys who were in james's car and we went around till like 2 and jacked solar lights for our rooms! lol it actually was alot of fun! never new it could be so much fun! but yet to come beaus cabin;) all the girls and the guys going out for dinner than heading out to beaus cabin....wonder what's gonna go down;) ahahaha cant wait! love life, not much to say there officially missing you* lots of love lauren

i have had alot of time to think things over, about everything that has happend this summer so far, and i came to a conclusion that he couldn't have cared as much about me as he claimed if he said things he did, and did what he did.....so i shouldn't be taking this so hard...it's just even harder to take knowing i probably won't even see him, unless it's just by cowinsedince..i just miss the way things were, even before things happend when we were good friends and we could talk about things together, now all that seems so far away, and i don't even think i can talk to him about how i feel cause he can't even talk to me...i guess that's why they say friends shouldn't "have things" cause look what happens in the end! gotta get outa the city ( CHRISTIE ROAD TRIP? ) or beau's cabin with all the hotties;) got some plans for that;) ahah im outties tho, seeya lauren

worst night of my life last night... so a whole bunch of friends went to colins place to hang out, the boys were drinking like usual....it's about 1am, danielle and beau wanted to go get ryan from home, so beau asked jordy to drive cuz he was to drunk..i was sitting with jordy and i was like don't go jordy seriously, but i mean he wasnt listenin cuz he was drunk, so he handed me his beer and said "it'll be ok sweetie! i'll be back, hold my beer" so anyways, i was about to go with them....SO close to getting up and going with them, last minute i thought k w/e i'm to confertable sitting here....anyways so they left and they took forever...down the street we saw car cops and ambulances, and trucks so we started calling beaus cell, he wouldnt pick up...so we went over and it turned out to be three of my bestfriends....i only saw the car and it was totalled, i was freaking out soooo badly cuz i didnt see any of my friends, so i went to the hospital( concordia ) where the two guys were and they were fine, THANK GOD. danielle was at childrens and we had no ride so we just prayed she was ok, and she was and is fine...i saw her this morning and she's doing pretty good..they said if she wasnt wearing her seatbelt she probably would have died....fuck...i dont kno what the fuck i would have done...thank god ........if i were to get in that car i probably would have gotten in the worst or died! cuz i would have sat in the back passinger side where they got hit...im just sooo thankful they are ok, i love you three so much, hang in there i got nothin but love for ya....messed up night, i'm so happy you guys are ok iloveyou lauren

went to the hospital, things ain't lookin good for me! i gotta get surgery on my knee, i won't be able to play soccer for about 4 to 6 weeks...that's when we have MSA cup! i am so pissed off, if i was gonna get a break in soccer it would be in those weeks....EUGH this is soo unfaire, but w/e anyways, so last night was pretty fun! all us went to christies and chilled on the porch, us girlies got tanked!:) we ended up runnin the streets in bikinis in the pouring thunder storm! aha it was a fun time, and i'm sure the boys enjoyed it too;) ahaha..it was one of the best nights so far this summer! makes me look on the brighter side of things! and tonight should be a fun time also! i think we are all gettin together again tonight to go and drink @ beaus, i love my friends but im outttttie! payCe *LV*

SINGGGLE SINNNNGLE SINNNGLE for the summer..i dont know if it's a good thing, but i don't think it will be as bad as i thought, it just depends on how i make it..just turn pur PIMP for the summer, hey i have had many guys in the past weekend asking me to hang out! they don't have to know about eacother do they? if i cant have a boyfriend that loves me,than why not have many lil boyfriends! and just have fun with them all! lots of people seem to be doing that now days....haha kinda funny actually cuz people go around saying how gay it is to be a "pimp" and yet they go ahead and do it without realizing it! but w/e i wont lie, i really liked the one night that lasted,i was sooooo happy for a while, but w/e i now know im not the only girl he had a night with, i was nothing special, kinda shitty seeing how he was the only guy id even think about bein wit..i guess i was just a one night stand? i dont even know, it really sucks though coming from the guy i'd do anything for, but w.e thats just the way it is! and now things actually wont ever be the same! well not for now atleast.. cuz i just donnnnnt care no more, im gonna have a lil of my own fun! time for summer GIRLS are we ready! wow so excited! and maybe in the futur one day i will like someone enough to stick around for 9 fucking months, and maybe i will end up having a boyfriend,who will apreciate all the little things i do, and realize them...i wont lie it did hurt me in the worst way, and maybe that's why i am reacting this way, this isnt who i am ( that isn't who you are ) but w/e, i guess sometimes things go weird on us, and we have to be someone we arnt, and for now, i guess i need to have fun....hey it's summer! i wanted a summer love, but if that isn't going to happen than screw it, i cant stay at home all summer long being upset, i gotta have fun....that's all lauren

i'm starting to get to the point where i just don't really care anymore, so this is gonna be put right out there for everyone to read, no private, i mean what would the point of that be? anyways, i am so sick of the way people treat me, they think i am some kind of fuckin toy? cause i'm still a young girl, i do have feelings.. but what does that matter,right? i won't let people toy me around anymore, no more me being played cause that is just bullshit, i deserve way better than that....no girl should go through what i kno not only me went through, it's not right, especially when i have been a good friend for a long time, i mean is it that easy to hurt you're friends? that's just pathetic.. this is not writen to be a bitch or mean or to hurt anyone, it's just how i feel inside, i feel hurt and used and i am pissed off, i hope i can get around it and i know i will but for now i gotta get back my pride and find someone who will be good to me...& yet i still care about you just as much as i did at the start, even after everything.... " my weakness is, i care to much " girls, keep it real! i gottcha lauren

i am SO mad, last night in my soccer game i fucked up my knee, and now i'm on crutches for at the least 3 weeks! that's three fucking weeks of my summer.....gotta go back to the doctors and see if i need sergery! i doubt i do but if i do i will be soo pissed off!!!! anyways im going to decorate my crutches! might as well make the best of having them right? girls, you gotta help me have fun, cuz it's gonna be harrrd! staying at home alot, but not tonight! woot woot;) im off though peaCE! lauren

this weather is really starting to get to me! anyways, these are the kind of summer days where i really wish i had a boyfriend, shitty days where u can just hang out and watch movies and cuddle, and sleep! it's way better than doing it at home alone! so it looks like another boring day/night. hopefully i find something to do tonight cuz i have been so bored for the past few days, eughhh bunk peace out! <3lauren

RAIN is so bunk, i'm in a bad mood cause i'm sick(love sick) aha and plus now it's raining! what the hell, anyways...maybe go to chris's tonight and chill it there, since this summer is so shitty, like what is this weather! anyways, im going to go and be bored, fuck this KeeP yA noSe clean lauren

CHRISTIE! you fucking rock my world! im happy you got one of these things, aha, now i ain't the only gangster that owns one lmao love ya girl

well all i can say is since day one i have felt the same about him. i'm so happy i have had the past summer days i have had up to now, i feel so good when we are together..i know what i want, and i have for a long long long time now, no one else comes ever close, not even almost close! im happy with the way things have been, i just hope it continues, that's all... since day one, yup that's right t w t b n o m l lauren rae

hey y'all! summer, it's gonna be good. i went to the beach again yesterday and it was really fun!the beach made me so excited for more summer days and nights in the futur! last night i drank a lil with the girls and hung out with some of our guy friends, we sat by a fire! but i was still freeeezing cold, ahah.. i just love the sun, speaking of it im going to go lay outside and relax seeya'll code- 143 that's right girls;)