so here is my comment to your entry its so hard to think sometimes for me so hard to focus on just one thing i've been having that problem with thinking about you, I just can't focus on the problems we've been having. I'm not glad that you've changed your position on the matter, but I'm not sad about it. Idk maybe I am, maybe I'm sorry that I've put you through all of this just because I can't handle you not believing in God. Why? Why do I care so much?... I don't force my beliefs on anyone else, except you it seems. You're the only one I truly care about, and somehow I cannot take it that you do not believe in him or it or what have you. I'm not at all extreme religous or anything, and you know that. Hell, I've only gone to church maybe twice. This is just something I feel, the reason why I want you to believe isn't something I know it just feels to me that it should be. So, I can't answer I guess as to why I need this so much, and for this I am sorry. Thank you for saying you're going to try. I don't care if it takes you a hundred years as long as you keep an open mind to it. Now, looking at that sentence I just wrote I'll keep an open mind as to reasons why I shouldn't believe in him, too. Natalie, it is not as if I do not accept you. You are the one searching for acceptance, but I have always accepted you and always will. Even if you never believe in God i will still Love you with all of my heart. "that's not being in love. then again, having to change for someone isn't either." you said that in your entry, and I agree but also disagree on it. Having to change for someone is not being in love, but actually doing it is. It shows how much you Love me and care for me, and I thank you for this. I am sorry that you feel like you have no one sometimes. I am sorry that I do not show how much I love you. All I can say for myself is that I do Love you so very much, and I would walk a thousand miles to be with you. And hunnie, I'm glad dreams come true too, and if you never knew, the dreams of having a wonderful girlfriend when I was younger were never close to the real thing. You are better than anything I could ever have thought up. (To all those who ask how we do it, this is how.) Thank you my darling for Loving me I Love You with all that I am and ever will be

ive found myself tired sitting here feeling like doing nothing but knowing ive got to do something im sad i dont know if im lonely or not i dont know what i am im tired of some things so much to do all the time as i read through that it looks like im confused those lyrics to that song that im listenting to right now arent corny they are just right When a man loves a woman Can't keep his mind on nothing else He'll trade the world For the good thing he's found If she's bad he can't see it She can do no wrong Turn his back on his best friend If he put her down When a man loves a woman Spend his very last dime Tryin' to hold on to what he needs He'd give up all his comfort Sleep out in the rain If she said that's the way it ought to be Well, this man loves a woman I gave you everything I had Tryin' to hold on to your precious love Baby, please don't treat me bad When a man loves a woman Down deep in his soul She can bring him such misery If she plays him for a fool He's the last one to know Lovin' eyes can't ever see When a man loves a woman He can do no wrong He can never own some other girl Yes when a man loves a woman I know exactly how he feels 'Cause baby, baby, baby, you're my world When a man loves a woman.....

only once in a blue moon do i ever write in here. i've been meaning to for the past week, but i haven't had time. Last weekend Natalie came for prom, yay! She came Friday night with her dad and step mom. I went down to Shadowbrooke after I picked up the tux to spend the night with them. We went for dessert up at perkins. Then in the morning we went to breakfast. Then I had natalie all to myself for the day. We went to Vestal to see a movie and go out for lunch. First we played with the puppies at Pet Depot. Then we saw Scary Movie 4, it was alright, i don't remember it much because we were necking it so much lol. damn catcher in the rye. Then to subway, and then back to my house. We got ready for the prom, and I watched natalie come down the stairs and her father cried. Many pictures were taken and everything, and then we went way early and sat in the parking lot taking pictures of each other. Finally we went in after i remembered that i forgot the tickets but they let us in anyways. We got our pictures taken once again, and then our familes came... they were pokin' around and such and then finally they left. I introduced her to everyone, and natalie didn't eat because she wasn't feeling well, and we didn't dance the first couple of songs either "because she wasn't feeling well", but really she was afraid i'd embarrass her out on the dance floor. However, i finally dragged her out there and showed her my moves, and she said i was alright and we danced the night away :P Then we left a little early and went somewhere and watched the stars together. Then back home and we watched SNL, and such. I wasn't really watching the tv though, just looking at her. Then the next morning my parents came with us to go eat breakfast with natalie's parents. Then she left. Only a day and a half, but you know what, it was the best day and a half of my life. She's so pretty and sweet and oh so sexy ;) I'm glad i'm going to have her for the rest of my life. I decided a couple of days ago that i'm going to go to Maine University. Why? You know why. I Love her very very much. and I am so lucky.

i hear sreams for quentin. he's a spoiled little baby sometimes. but he is fun to laugh with all the time. why am i putting punctuations at the end of sentences? Speak of the devil. Here he is, whinning to come up on my lap to listen to music and look at the itunes vizulizations and type on aim, and move the mouse around a little. shit. that sounds like me, all except for the vizuliztions, i'm never that amazed by it enough. i think i'm going to get into making movies with my dinky digital camera. english sucks at the moment, 3 things due. also, why am i writing in here excessivly now? maybe i'm going to be less lazy sometime soon. haha, things that quentin just did. spit on his chest then wiped it with his hand and put the spit back in his mouth. bit me, then i yelled at him, and he made a pouty face, then kissed my arm where he bit it. and when i tell him to have a seizure he whips his head back and forth. he is awesome. well i am hot been writing this thing for awhile now since i've been running away from the computer every now and then. seeing natalie in a couple weeks, i've noticed something else too. it always gets bad a couple of weeks before we see each other. we love each other too much sometimes naw. Love You

sick. probably won't change. it shouldn't be this way. ever. shouldn't have to deal with this. ill try to change. it'll be so hard. from an introvert to an extrovert now an ass. back to introvert. i shall go.

skinned my knees but you're still here you wanted the keys i had had a beer we hit some trees no one was near only skinned my knees but you're not here If I killed you in an accident And I got away with only a scratch, I Would die inside And find myself in hell

just a little quickie just want to copy paste this from my info into here because i'm going to change it plus i can't think at the moment to write anything good the winter days are so long and the nights so cold but what we have is different different from everyone elses these are our days together they are our nights we share you are mine and i am yours Love is ours For some reason I think I suck at life. that had nothing to do with anything else Anyways I Love you nmhbnp

Holy shit I need to write another comment. I suck at keeping diaries. Well, Natalie came here a long time ago. Yes, we had fun :) we took a lot of pictures together, I do say that they are pretty cute. That song up there ^ is a girl singer. There aren't many girl singers for rock or indie or anything other than damned pop. Well there are good girl singers for R&B and such, but for rock bands they are a rarity, and if they're actually good then you've found a diamond in the rough. Why is that? Its baseball season now. Eerie's being a dick like I knew he would be. There's a new JV coach, Sipe, and now my trig teacher is the assitant coach to Eerie i think? Well, anyways in class he was saying that he wanted to be assistant coach to Sipe and not Eerie, I don't blame him. Natalie's comming for prom. I thought I might have an after party at my house, but I don't think so. Thought it over for awhile and natalie convinced me that just spending time alone with her would be better... ;) Nawww, she doesn't think dirty thoughts, never. :P Hehe, if you only knew. She is one of a kind. And I am happy for it. I Love You

i pictured you and just everything like cuddling and laughing and being able to tell you everything that is love to her make note of it

Its about time for a new entry. I've been milling around here for a little while, slamming my fingers on the keys of the piano, jumping around doing high flying kicks, and I just popped open a Wild Cherry Pepsi. What a beautiful thing. I am happy. I'm going to see Natalie next weekend...gosh I can't wait, its going to be... something more than could be fit in just one word. Wrestling season is almost over! YES! haha, I find it funny that I've spent the last 11 years of my life wrestling and every season I count the days till its over. I suck balls at wrestling, jeesh. I'm still glad I didn't play basketball though, man do I hate that sport with a passion.. sure I like to maybe shoot around by myself for fun, but playing it? In my brother and sister-in-laws' words, "basketball is the stupidest sport." I'm always counting the days till something... but aren't we all? I'm counting the days till I'm married to my lovely wife, when we get our own home, when we have our first child, our vacations... I'm counting the days till I live happily ever after. I hope I don't get too blind sided by the pot holes in the road to ever ever after. One thing I will say though, is that it will be fun. So, beautiful one what are you thinking? your robe undone? could I be dreaming? "no" you whisper "it is real" oh, to kiss her it is love i feel your hair in my face our lips touching as we embrace titillating Our dreams they are ours busting at the seams we are just counting the hours.. I Love you my beautiful one, this is ours. Our Love

And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409 And I rationed my breathes as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today As each descending peak of the LCD took you a little farther away from me Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself 'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die" So who's going to watch you die?..

im listening to an onslaught of Death Cab for Cutie. its nothing bad or anything, i just haven't listened to them in awhile and decided this would be a nice night for their... hm when i think Death Cab for Cutie what comes to mind?... sad thoughts but beautifully sung. yeah i think thats it. i like that kind of music, tell me of bands like them if you wanna. mellowness. yeah, thats it. ill be lazy and put another person's poem on here.. "The coast disappeared when the sea drowned the sun And I knew no words to share with anyone The boundaries of language I quietly cursed And all the different names for the same thing" ..and as i looked through the lyrics of all the songs i found one too long for an entry already written in, but perfect enough to be in my sit because sadness and love are bitter sweet things that go together forever.

say what you want what you will feelings hidden let them out i am here ill listen feels like sand falling so hard to catch ill still try im still here say what you want what you will i suck at poems this probably shouldn't be a site you regularly visit.

I think that this diary will just be poems or small thoughts? Yeah, i think so... I have spotty journal entries in my other thinger, so this would be best i guess.

so this is sitdiary... i wonder how long ill last on here i think im still happy that i dont have a myspace (thank you for not letting me get it)well this should be good for the first one...I love you