Decided to stay home for the night and since I have nothing else to do, I decided to look on here and see what all I had written in the past and its funny how much I've changed. Things are so much different now. I am about to be a senior, and it really scares me. Unlike most people, I don't want to go away to college. I want to stay close to home. I know I need to get out and experience things that I wouldn't experience unless I went to a college with some distance but the thought of even 2 hours seems too much to me. I've completly changed who I hang out with from when I used to actually write in this thing. I guess it's true when people say you will always go back to those who were there in the beginning. I'm back to being best friends with the girls I went to elementary school with. I can't decided whether it has helped who I am or not. I love my friends to death and I would not change a thing with my life, but I've really changed as a person since I've started hanging out with these people again. We've managed to get ourselves into many situations that I would never put myself in if I were still hanging out with my old friends. Different groups are for sure involved in different things. I think becoming friends again with the people I am friends with had a big impact on my decision to quit 2 sports that once meant everything to me. I would never admit that my friends had anything to do with it, always told myself it was because I wanted to spend more time at the barn riding. Yet, when I wasn't playing sports, I wasn't at the barn as much as I should be. One of my good friends died a month and 3 days ago. I still try to tell myself it is just a dream and I am going to wake up and he is going to be here again and then I just have to face that it is true and he is gone. He wasn't supposed to be on that road, in that car, at that time. It's not fair that he wasn't the one driving and his life was lost. I can't be angry at anyone, no one wanted it to happen yet I am more angry than ever because a friend, son, brother, uncle was taken from everyone. Not only did his mom lose him, but she also lost his brother who was driving the car. His girlfriend, who was also in the car, is still in the hospital to his day and just woke up from a coma about a week ago. I don't handle deaths well, but when it is your own friend, how do you make yourself realize that they are truly in a better place and that you will seem them again someday. Everything happens for a reason, I know this, but why did it have to be someone who was supposed to graduate in 10 days. Someone who cared so much about everyone else and would put anyone before himself. Why did they have to take him from the one that he truly loved. We all knew him, he was always the ladies man, but when he finally decided on Chelsea, it was clear that she was one of the best things that has ever happend to him and he was the best thing that had happend to her and now she is left alone. I don't understand this, still a month later I go to sleep every single night wondering why God took him from us. I know he is looking down at me right now mad at me that I am crying and writing this and not out drinking or doing something crazy for him but there are some days where it hits me again that he truly isn't here anymore. I will never get to see that smile that could light up a room or I will never get to make those little remarks on how damn good he always smelled. The day of his funeral, the chapel was packed full of people.. not nearly enough seats for everyone and I still remember exactly when they started playing a song for him.. and of course it had to be "One Love" by Bob Marley because Justin would have wanted nothing else. Its crazy how days before he passed he had a conversation with his mom about what they wanted at their funerals. Just having a general conversation with each other and yet his mom had no idea that she was actually going to have to use what he had said he wanted. I think it will take awhile for it to finally sink in and for me to finally realize that he is in an amazing place always watching over me and that I will see him again someday. I love you so much Justin and miss you more than anything. Heaven is SO lucky! RIP JUSTIN CONLEY BROOKS May 1, 1989 - May 27, 2007