Ao, I'm trying to sleep. And Mom has her friend in the living room, and she's being loud. So I can't sleep. So I get on my computer and turn my music up. Then she comes and tries to tell me that I need to turn my music down so she can go to sleep. Hmm. Why should I have to turn my music down when her and her friends didn't be quite when I was trying to sleep. -_--

Happy New Year...

seriously have no fucking life.

I hate living so far away from my friends. I see all these people posting pictures of their friends...having a good time. And then theres me...who is here, but with no real friends. It's Xmas brake, and I havne't even left the house yet. Friends. I miss my friends. The ones that I have now are good people...there just not my old friends... why? why did i leave all my friends behind? well, I can already answer that question. Because I am truly more happy here. Just more lonely.

Well, I went to my Grandmas house today for xmas eve, and I got some pretty good presents. I got a brand new desk from my Grandma (because I just always had my computer on the floor), and I got a trenchcoat that I've wanted forever from my Mom (I'll post pictures tomarrow, it's super late, and Im going to bed after I'm done writing this). And I got some pajama stuff from my aunt...I'm sure that she didn't know what to get me. And I got giftcards from my uncle and his wife. And...yea, I think that's it. But I have to go to my great Grandma's tomarrow, which means more gifts! lol. Plus I have to see that side of the family, and that's just lame...And my cousin that I hang with isn't even going to be there -_- Something about his Mom wanting him to be with her side of the family...she is such a weird person...and she said to my great grandma one day that she was going to come out and talk to my mom...which is weird because I always thought that she didn't like my mom.. But whatever. I'm tired and going to bed...I'm sure that I'll write tomarrow or the next day. Oh, and merry xmas to anyone who reads this.

Well... I had to great day at school today, which is a major W O W. And I'm usually always happy to come home. Well, I got home. And i got on the computer, and I was still top rated on my site since yesterday (Which is saying something, since that mother fucking site is full of downraters.) And then this little homo downrated me so that his boyfriend could stay on the top rated list. Wow, that pissed me off, hardcore. And then when I went to update my profile it somehow got erased, and now I have to do everything all over again. And I don't have one of those stupid profiles that's filled with 2934843 quizzes and shit, I had a lot typed in there, I worked very hard on it. Now it's all gone, and I'm so mad. I don't even want to do it over again. -_- Well, since I was so pissed I thought that I would go to the gastation to get out of the house for a while, and get a pop or something. Well, i was two inches out the fucking door and I slipped in my lawn, which was a massive puddle the other day, so it was halfway frozen. So I slipped on the halfway frozen ice and crashed down, and broke threw the two inches of it. Into mud. And now just a centimeter of mud, about 6 inches of mud. Now I'm sitting here. Pissed. I hate outside. I want to live in a plastic bubble for the rest of my LIFE!

in the land of dirt and plaster lies an army of a thousand nowhere kids losing ground and falling faster into a life that no one should have to live we are the people that you hate we are the bastards that you created (the fucking bastards that you created) a generation with no place a generation of all your sons and daughters behind the fake family image behind the smile of a thousand moms and dads inside the cage that we've been given i see an image of the future that we don't have [chorus] and what did you expect ... a perfect child raised by tv sets ... abandoned every mile we never get respect ... never a fair trial no one gives a shit ... as long as we smile

You know what I hate? People from the internet. They piss me off. Well, not all of them, because most of them are pretty cool. But I'm on a site, which has communitys, and theres this one girl that i meet off there, and shes usually a nice person, i talk to her on msn and stuff like that, and that she kept complaining to me about her boyfriend one day, the stupid things that he does, and etc. etc. And every time she gets on, that's all she talks about. And it was starting to piss me off. So i told her that i wasn't going to talk to me until she broke up with him, because i was sick of her complaining about him. Now, she posted in all these communitys that we are in together about how much she HATES me and etc. etc. So I left all the communitys, because people where starting to gang up on me. It's also a ratings site, you know, rate one threw 10 and get on the top rated list. Well, I figured out how to get people so they can ONLY rate you a 10. The little B I T C H copied me. She went into my page source and got the code out. I am so mad about that, because I figured it out by MYSELF and now shes going to go and tell everyone in teh communitys. bitchbitchbitchBITCH. Soon everyone is going to be doing it, and then the webmaster is going to block the code. slutslutslutslutslut. I'm going to put my foot threw the computer screen.

Okay, so I just woke up and went out into the kitchen to get something to eat, and [pixie] my Mom's dog had threwed the garbage up and dragged it threw the whole house. I'm so sick of that fucking dog. So when I hear my mom coming home I'm going to lay down and pretend I'm sleeping, because I picked that little shits mess up last time it did that. -_-

I'm so glad that it's the weekend. You have no idea. That was one of the longest weeks I have ever had to go threw, it was utterly insane. I was sitting in woods class today, and they where doing some really awesome things. Mr. I'm-a-homo-sexual [aka principal] was sulking around as usual, and I asked him if I could take woods next semester. And he said that I could. That is the first time that he has been civil to me. ever. [Note: don't smoke camel cigarettes]. And now I am sitting here with nothing to do on a Friday night, but I'm okay with that, because I don't really want to do anything anyways. >.0 I'm going to catch up on some much deserved sleep, and play with my dog a bit, because I haven't played with her for more then a half an hour at a time in the last week. Christmas is on it's way! We get out of school for a week! -dances- That makes me beyond happy, you know? Which is nice for a change. Megan said that she was going to call me last night and i stayed up way to late waiting for her to call, and she didn't. So I was up late, plus I didn't even get to talk to her. =( Oh well, I will have to see if she gets online tonight. [Note 2: I need to clean my room]. Mom broke up with her boyfriend, but he still comes over and tries to talk to her. He came to the door today and mom came into my room, and i had my music on in my room pretty loud, and she was like Turn it up louder! lol. My mom is so awesome <3 I plan on sleeping, eating and being on the computer all weekend. Sound like plan? Yea, I thought so too.

On top of all that, the cuffs on my favorite sweater where ripped, and now I have no sweater -_-

I'm going to start off like this has been my journal forever. I got a messege from Caya today in my myspace inbox, and this is what she said: goddamnit heath!!! you never talk to me! you dont give me messages or call me. i have my cell phone again now. i miss you so much and when you moved down there part of my heart broke. and its still broken and you not talking to me is breaking it even more. i wish you were here right now cuz off all of my friends you are (or at least were) my best friend. god i just wish you would talk to me! i miss you so much that its unbelievable! call me sometime pleaze! And this was my reply: Caya- This was a pretty ridiculus messege. I'm not on the internet 24/7 sending people messeges. Sometimes I don't get messeges until 2 days after they where sent. And it's not my fault that I don't have a phone. We have an internet line for the computer, and my cell phone doesn't get service all the way out here. I was trying to do what was best for me Caya, and that included making sacrafices. Do you know how long I just sat and thought before I decided to stay here. I gave up my friends and my awesome school to be here with my Mother, because she is one of the most important people to me. She's never really been in my life and I wasn't going to pass up the chance to be with her. She makes me feel like a real person, which was a change, since my father and stepmom where always downgrating me, and making me feel like shit. It's nice to actually be treated like a real person. And of course I miss you more then I miss anything, you where my best friend that I confided everything in, and I would never trade that for anything in the world, because you ARE the world to be Caya. But I don't appreciate your profile saying "Heath introduced me to this site, the bastard!" That doesn't make me feel really good. k? I odviously know the terrible things that you are going threw, and how hard it is on you. But at least you have wonderful friends that you can call up / see whenever you want. You have no idea what's it's like to come home and know that you don't have any friends around you to whisper secrets in their ear, to sneak into your room at night so that you can just lay in bed and talk. I miss those things that we use to do so much, sometimes I sit in bed and just hate myself because I feel like I abandoned you. So I want you to know that I'm going threw many things as well as you. ok? Love, Heath I love her to death, but I hate how she acts like everthing bad happens to her, and that the world revolves around her, and everyone should feel sorry! She doesn't seem to notice the things that I am going threw right now, which I stated above. Does she think that it was easy to leave all my friends, my school, everything that I had for myself, just to spite her? And on top of it all, I have been doing horribly in school, and the principal "expelled" me. Well, I told him that I needed to be in school, and that I was going to come weither he likes it or not, because it's simply not an option for me. Well, today, you know what he says to me? I changed my mind Heath, I'm going to make you come to school Um, wtf? That's what I told him the day before. I was talking to someone, and they said that he likes to feel like he has everything under control, and that he is all organized even though he isn't. Now, what a motherfuckin loser. He took the words right out of my mouth and made them his. Now, if there is one person that I hate right now, it would be him. Asshole. Even my mother doesn't like him, she says that he's just a fag. xD I love the feeling that I have when I'm here, my mother treating me like I am a real person, instead of that fake shit my Dad liked everyone to believe. My mother and me can actually sit down and have a conversation. Please, I've talked to her more in the last three months then I talked to my dad for nine years when I lived with him. I'm a all around happier person, but the school thing is making my life a lot harder. Next quarter I am going to stay on top of all my classes and suprise them all.

So, this is my first entry. I promise all of you this is going to be quite the interesting journal. Right now I'm just trying to get it all set up so it has a good look.