I'm going to start off like this has been my journal forever.
I got a messege from Caya today in my myspace inbox, and this is what she said:
goddamnit heath!!! you never talk to me! you dont give me messages or call me. i have my cell phone again now. i miss you so much and when you moved down there part of my heart broke. and its still broken and you not talking to me is breaking it even more. i wish you were here right now cuz off all of my friends you are (or at least were) my best friend. god i just wish you would talk to me! i miss you so much that its unbelievable! call me sometime pleaze!
And this was my reply:
Caya-
This was a pretty ridiculus messege. I'm not on the internet 24/7 sending people messeges. Sometimes I don't get messeges until 2 days after they where sent. And it's not my fault that I don't have a phone. We have an internet line for the computer, and my cell phone doesn't get service all the way out here.
I was trying to do what was best for me Caya, and that included making sacrafices. Do you know how long I just sat and thought before I decided to stay here. I gave up my friends and my awesome school to be here with my Mother, because she is one of the most important people to me. She's never really been in my life and I wasn't going to pass up the chance to be with her. She makes me feel like a real person, which was a change, since my father and stepmom where always downgrating me, and making me feel like shit. It's nice to actually be treated like a real person.
And of course I miss you more then I miss anything, you where my best friend that I confided everything in, and I would never trade that for anything in the world, because you ARE the world to be Caya.
But I don't appreciate your profile saying "Heath introduced me to this site, the bastard!" That doesn't make me feel really good. k?
I odviously know the terrible things that you are going threw, and how hard it is on you. But at least you have wonderful friends that you can call up / see whenever you want. You have no idea what's it's like to come home and know that you don't have any friends around you to whisper secrets in their ear, to sneak into your room at night so that you can just lay in bed and talk. I miss those things that we use to do so much, sometimes I sit in bed and just hate myself because I feel like I abandoned you.
So I want you to know that I'm going threw many things as well as you. ok?
Love,
Heath
I love her to death, but I hate how she acts like everthing bad happens to her, and that the world revolves around her, and everyone should feel sorry! She doesn't seem to notice the things that I am going threw right now, which I stated above.
Does she think that it was easy to leave all my friends, my school, everything that I had for myself, just to spite her?
And on top of it all, I have been doing horribly in school, and the principal "expelled" me. Well, I told him that I needed to be in school, and that I was going to come weither he likes it or not, because it's simply not an option for me. Well, today, you know what he says to me? I changed my mind Heath, I'm going to make you come to school
Um, wtf? That's what I told him the day before. I was talking to someone, and they said that he likes to feel like he has everything under control, and that he is all organized even though he isn't. Now, what a motherfuckin loser. He took the words right out of my mouth and made them his. Now, if there is one person that I hate right now, it would be him. Asshole. Even my mother doesn't like him, she says that he's just a fag. xD
I love the feeling that I have when I'm here, my mother treating me like I am a real person, instead of that fake shit my Dad liked everyone to believe. My mother and me can actually sit down and have a conversation. Please, I've talked to her more in the last three months then I talked to my dad for nine years when I lived with him. I'm a all around happier person, but the school thing is making my life a lot harder. Next quarter I am going to stay on top of all my classes and suprise them all.
Listening to: Want - Disturbed
Feeling: paranoid
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