How can I not cry when I am left in ruins.. No, I don't mean to be selfish, but I'm sad to see you go. You filled my heart with happiness, but in the end only left with sadness that cannot be mended. Words can't describe the despair I am feeling, only the silent cries can slightly depict it. It's only been an hour and I miss you already. For now I am left here, to be lost and walking in the ruins of my broken heart.

yesterday's wrongs, will be today's mishaps. yesterday's hugs, will be today's longing. yesterday's kisses, will be today's reminiscing. elevators up and down, up and down, such like this love we have...not flawless but not damaged. darlin' let your heart unfurl don't pay no mind to the burdens of your mind. face it lovely, this is love: you and i let's not falter any longer for this is you and me: love

*sigh* yea. another summer has gone by, it seems as though every summer i seem to not write in here. i can say once again, that many things has happened. i don't know, i just felt like i had to write tonight. life. well, life is just you know, blah. but i'm pickin myself up from the ground as always. afterall, we learn to do this when we were little kids; when we fall we learn to get back up. it's just when we grow up it varies on how you pick yourself up; thats what defines us and depicts what we truly are inside. eh it's getting late..enough of this for now. gnite. much love, gabe

hmm the same feeling is still here, dear. i can't get rid of you, yoursmile, your scent, your kiss, yourlove. i still keep you here i still keep you next to me when i lay myself at night. lover i need to hear your voice. i've been tempted to call you these past months. i know it isn't right to speak to you, but i must. it's selfish i know. i love you. adieu, gabe

i got asked to sadies! fuck yea, biotch! much love, gabe

it seems as though every time i try to get back up my feet fails me and falls once again. it is such a letdown. it's bad enough i'm fucking down to the ground. that job was my one resort where i could at least keep my mind busy with. this is pathetic, i'm up at 5:30. i'm lonely, i'm fucked, i'm depressed, i'm a mess. get it? got it? good. -gabe

i still wait for you, i still wish, i still hope, i still want, but i don't try and it's because of the letdowns of the past. i still miss you. i still love you. adieu. -gabe

eh valentine's day hooray...not really. i'm not going to lie, i hate it right now because there's no one to spend it with. all the memories of you are still here, your picture i still keep, your letter i still read. every song we listened to..i still sing. but that doesn't matter much to you anymore. i hope he treats you well, he is truly blessed to have someone who has so much love, compassion, understanding...etc, what every boy looks for and is the epitome of the perfect girl. what i truly want to say, even though it's so hard for me to still accept... i hope you are happy, ms. anonymous. i bid you a happy valentine's day, love. much love and much fuck, gabe

late night again, i'm up and all of sudden a bunch of cop cars come speeding through my street and i don't really know what's going on, but someone is in deep sh*t lol. No winter formal date for me...yet that is. it's wierd how i'm getting so damn picky, i hate it. i need to get one fast. i'm bored, but i'm tired.

so i went to hollister the other day because i had a gift card from christmas. i haven't been there in like forever. so i was looking at shirts and all of a sudden one couple asked me a question about the merch and i was like haha i don't work here. that is like the freakin 5th time that people thought i worked there...which is quite interesting. Much Love, Gabe

long time no entry. winter break is here. i longed for it for these past months that went by, & now i don't know what to do. christmas eve was good celebrated it in L.A. with relatives. it was good hangin out with my cousins that i haven't seen in forever. best gift of christmas '05: Martin & Co. Acoustic/Electric Guitar Special Edition: DC Aura. i'm so lucky to have received it from my parents. i've been needing a new guitar for years now and wow this guitar is awesome! i'm definitely thankful to my parents about that. today was really sad though i had to go to a funeral of my cousin's grandfather. it was so sad and a tragic loss to the family. it reminded me of my grandparents when they died and also of their funeral, but i know they are all in better place now with the man upstairs. blah so depressing. it's so cold here, but then again it could be worse.

FUCK that last entry. life shows that promises are easily broken i wish i could forget everything about you one word from you brings all the memories back. so i'm fucked...yea that's right fucked. fucked over. you want to fuckin hear it...i'm fuckin miserable without YOU! it's been forever and you are still in my thoughts and in my heart. honestly, every fuckin day i think about you, but you don't give a shit, i shouldn't give a shit either. who am i kidding...distance keeps this apart so why am i still not over you?! i mean seriously what the fuck! i'm so fuckin lame. fuck this shit. another great workout at the gym tomorrow. al;skdfja;fdjg asdlfkjaslf "This is incredible Starving, insatiable Yes, this is love for the first time Well, you'd like to think that you were invincible Yeah, well weren't we all once before we felt lost for the first time?" Much Fuck. Gabe

hmm it is quite strange that i'm in a good mood. i can look back at the time i have spent with her and relive it without breaking down in sorrow. i even listend to the songs we used to sing and loved. i relived every moment we had, and i smiled, except of weeping. i want you to know it took forever. i don't know if we will ever make more memories , but they were some damn good ones. Lord knows i tried so hard to keep you. hope you are happy where you are, hopefully and just hopefully one day, we can talk and continue where we have left off. o by the way was there even a "we" in you and me at all? know this love, there will always be a place for you in my heart and i hope you do the same. leaves will fall, the trees will be bare, and the snow will fall. though spring will come where your heart will realize to come back once again, darling. i hope i am not wrong. o hazel eyes, you're the best thing that has happened in this universe. the brightest stars can't compare to your never fading beauty. enough about space, summer o beautiful summer won't you come, for i have missed her for too long. you have stolen her from me and i long for her soft touch and soft lips. palm trees and beautiful sunsets, ocean waves and long drives, lovely, this is where you belong, where your heart belongs...california. Find Love. Gabe

wow life has been so much better, and it hasn't been for so long until now. went to a fall out boy show on halloween and it was awesome. this weekend is a 3 day weekend which is freakin sweet! So much things to do. I'm tryin to get a job and hopefully i get a call back from all these applications i turned in. so Shanee' is totally awesome!! Thanksgiving and especially Christmas is just around the corner and another year gone by! A lot of things to look forward to such as the Panic! at the Disco show and winter break. Hmm the beach would be so nice at night with a bonfire. I must take care of business for college and turn in community service hours though, but watev. =) Find Love. Gabe

This week has been awesome so far, even though it was finals week. I think I passed all of my classes...hopefully.On wednesday night I went to the graduation of the seniors and sang with the choir...national anthem, alma mater, and some other really cheesy song. But anyways after singing the songs, I was like screw this, and I went to the Hot Hot Heat show at the House of Blues with my cousin because her husband couldn't go. That was such an awesome show! What a great way to start the summer! Then yesterday I hung out with Danny and some of his friends at his house. We probably killed about 10 june bugs haha. Note to self: Run down a dark alley full angry dogs behind weak fences with friends. It gives you a high. Then we went to the theaters and saw Batman Begins, and well it was freakin' awesome! *sigh* Another way to kick of the summer! There's so many parties this weekend...so little time.

I'm fuckin sick and it sucks. This weekend was alright. I saw star wars along time ago, but yea it was awesome. On Friday...choir banquet was ok. Saturday went to San Diego which was good to see my uncle because it was his birthday and got to see my cousins i haven't seen in a long time. Today i worked and as i came about leaving after cleaning the dining room my jackass assistant manager told me to clean it again along with the bathrooms. I left at 3 except of leaving at 2:30. When I go looking for another job... Note: Never work at fast food ever again. But then after work I hung out with Tony and John and got some tacos at good ol' DT. Grr how i wish school was over. You know when a long time acquaintance that you don't want to talk to talks to you and you are irritated by them...well if you do know how it feels...thats how i feel.

I wanted to see star wars this weekend, but I couldn't because a lot of people have seen it already or they went to prom last night. I'll try to see it with someone today hopefully.

Fuck, I'm depressed. There's somethin not so new. I don't want to deal with tomorrows rehearsal after school, but it's somethin to be done. I just want it to be the weekend. Girls are so complicated. Fuck. Whatever.

so this weekend was a long one once again, it's amazing how so many things can happen in 3 days. Friday, I hung out with Kevin, Kelsey, Jill and her friend Devan, I think that's what her name was. We just wached movies and chilled. I was supposed to congratulate Tony on being confirmed, but I didn't get a chance to come by because it was too late. Saturday I worked in the morning, and then went to Summer's 18th birthday party. Now that was fun stuff! The music was awesome and I had tons of fun with the girls. Of course I didn't get home til' 3. I drank so much starbucks this weekend! Crazy stuff! Then today I worked again and the just went out to dinner with the family. So overall it was a fun filled weekend. Great, broadway show for choir is this Friday, haha that will be quite an experience.

Everyone was being awesome in greeting me happy birthday and I am grateful for my family/friends, and all of their support. Being 18 is pretty chll. More responsibilities and such. I found myself opening a bank account yesterday, but it was horrible because it was so busy. Although it feels awesome to use the privileges of an 18 year old. Grr I work tomorrow for 6 hours, but at least I get paid and I get more hours than usal. So that makes up for it. To other news...speaking of news, I can't even watch it even for one minute before being uttered with vile information. Such as the freeway shootings, disputes in L.A. schools, the continuous increase of gas prices and the list goes on and on and on. It's horrible. *sigh* I may not know much, but one thing's for sure the world isn't getting any better. Pray and give back the best way we can to the people who need help may just yet be the solution. Cheesy I know, but the world would be a better place. It's raining and it's awesome. There's my ramblings. "Where'd all the good people go? I’ve been changing channels and I don't see them on the tv shows."