I got my car started because I parked it backwards just like, I do everything Walkin down the sidewalk shiftin shiftin from side to side cause I can't make decisions my life is ruled by indifference We're sittin doin nothin reminicing talking about the good times we've been missin those days that seem so far away The gas is trickeling the gage is drifting to barely nothing and I can't help but feel taht I might be onto something that this senseless shifting is just experiencing both side of the day but the things behind you they will stay the same and the things that have existed they don't have the room to change so forget what-ifs it's just a place to put the blame just switch the shifts and pick a different lane

Self destructions quite constructive when you're losing your own mind forget revision or production this is just a waste of time Promises and probablys your words theyre always such a tease I've taken chances made believe that things weren't what they seemed to be and if I'd held my breath for you I would've turned six shades of blue and after everything you've put me through you still feel like I owe you and I've yelled, I've screamed, I've fucking cried over misplaced hopes and wasted time on your words I've choked and on my tears you've smiled but what hurts the most is you were never worth my while And it's hard to cope with the hard earned truth that one and one might not equal two and I'm sorry darling but I'm over you go ahead and fucking jump as if I'm the one that pushed you ------------------------ We didn't fall in love we found a hole to fall through --- and it's time to break chains it's time to walk away cause I won't change I've been fine but you just stayed the same --

I say I'm over you but I'm really just confused cause we cant see eye to eye, I'd walk away from you but I don't know what I'd lose I'd just be left with wasted time and empty spaces in my mind but I'm alone in my head and I don't like the way it feels they say perception is reality but nothing here is real my head is filled with misconceptions and I'm afraid of what it'd reveal if I gave up and asked the question what the hell it is I'm doing here It's a marathon of mind games that I can't help but play but I can't figure out my next move because I give but I don't take and I'm trying not to break down but there's no one left to blame so I'll pick up all my pieces and rewrite the rules so I can reclaim the rights to my perception in the name of my own game

I got my car started because I parked it backwards just like, I do everything Walkin down the sidewalk shiftin shiftin from side to side cause I can't make decisions my life is ruled by indifference We're sittin doin nothin reminicing talking about the good times we've been missin those days that seem so far away The gas is trickeling the gage is drifting to barely nothing and I can't help but feel taht I might be onto something that this senseless shifting is just experiencing both side of the day but the things behind you they will stay the same and the things that have existed they don't have the room to change so forget what-ifs it's just a place to put the blame just switch the shifts and pick a different lane

I feel you, inside of me you're slightly poisonous accented by anxiety and you can't heal me but without you I can barely breathe so please release this veil you have pulled over me You found me, right when I found myself I fell so freely that it turned me into someone else If I stop spinning I guess that only time can tell the questions I forgot to ask and answers to who am I now You found me, you found me you let go now I'm drowning so I stepped back and walked away you may find me but you won't today You left me waiting on a dusty shelf too caught up in you that I couldn't let myself down but the tables turned and everything is turned around I left you let down, but none of it's my problem now. ...

I watched them walk down roads of gray lookin for, somethin better than yesterday they turned their backs, ignored me say theres nothing for you that way. So I went that way myself, went off towards something else cause, I won't find peace where colors fade I'd rather grow up than decay A warning to the wise is weaker than the lies you've buried your mind in so savagely your corrupted stories of pick ups and rip offs bore me I don't care how much you fucking paid I'll meet a better stranger along my own way So I went that way myself off towards that something else and you caught me right before I slipped away you knew you loved me before you knew my name and I couldve called you crazy but I couldn't walk away I wasn't sure where I was goin but you said you knew the way and to come along So we went that way ourselves off towards that something else and I picked myself up along the way I turned my back on everyone that did the same and my roads not gray bet you wish you would've done the same.

I lost my phone again I don't know where my mind went my clothes have holes in them another drunk night well spent i woke up in the morning my driveway had no car im not sure just where i partied i hope it wasnt far .... Let's do it again, dim-witted plans and nights that never end. Let's do it again stick around for just one more, my friend. The night is young and so are we the musics loud our hearts are free come on find peace it wont stop til we give in before was start now lets begin a drink to you and I this whiskey keeps on givin to these nights that weve been living so let go now, don't be shy and if youve been given lemons and they said 'make lemonaide' the taste is probably getting tired and you'd much prefer champagne well come on sit and stay a while put your shit to shame here we've got nothin to worry about cause heres the place to be where its always summertime and the livins always easy -- I figure its appropriate to post this after I've lost my seventh, I believe, phone.

I've already smoked faded memories away It's too late to look back because now its today and any shit from the past is just more shit changed. I don't have time for yesterday.

I'm a little bit crazy I'm a whole lotta crazy, maybe but whats wrong? I get along, just fine I could work 9-5 and be so god damn normal that doesn't sound like something I'd wanna conform to You can tell me that it's reality but I'm not gonna face it It's 6 oclock on tuesday now come on let's get wasted So pour me out another one maybe just one more keep the glasses comin love until I hit the floor When I woke up, Wednesday was lost on me I guess it's Thursday now but I couldn't guarantee I sat in my room for a week without any power When I left next Thursday I thought it'd only been an hour I'm a little bit crazy I'm a whole lotta crazy, maybe but whats wrong? I get along, just fine You call me weird, they call me crazy I'm used to it, it doesn't phase me You have no idea what you're getting into even I don't understand the shit I do So pour me out another one maybe just one more keep the glasses comin love until I hit the floor You're all just a bunch of drama queens there's nothing fucking wrong with me

May your soul find peace in heaven and your body by the sea and may I always take faith in that faith is watching over me I know your strength will shine on in the sunshine on the trees and that your laughter will always echo through every summer breeze Your memory will live on in all the hearts you've touched and although your time came way too soon We'll see you soon enough May your soul find peace in heaven and your body by the sea and may i always take faith in that faith is watching over me So I guess the time has come now where we must say good bye but I know you're always with us watching from the sky Let us all remember the smile upon her face and although we've lost her here on earth God finally has his faith

I heard some shit about me I'm sure that you have too Half of it's ridiculous the other half is true. I don't know what I'm doing I don't know where I've been All I seem to understand is you are not my friends. I may fuck around but you put shit in your veins I been usin condoms but i highly doubt your clean weve all got our weakness our pleasures all obscene but youre a fucking junkie and I'm a sex machine I've fucked in a sauna and florida on the beach youve wasted yourself on a couch so please don't fucking preach I've lost all respect for you as you have for me so quit your fucking gabbing about false STDs yeah I surely get some but I don't get on my knees Your bitch may suck and suck your dick but she is just a tease Party like an asshole, drink like a theif This is better than your bullshit and I'll keep doin what I please FUCK OFF

scatter brained by bobby and I ive spent time tryin to wait for things to fall in line ive come up lost spent hours turning and wound up tossed my mind wanders to places i dont know my heart travels to places i shouldnt go theres no resistance to what i do and time and time again I keep waiting waiting for someone to pull me through it could be someone that i never knew whose found the other side of the depths of my pursuit reach down a hand to help move me on to the beautiful other side of the sinking blue lift me up, lift me away from this cliche sadness color hue where's the sunshine on a cloudy day where's the faith I've had in you

They say "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade" but the taste is getting sour, and I'd much prefer champagne. -- So pour me out another one Maybe just one more keep the whiskey comin love until we hit the floor -- To where your mind may wander wait your dreams to be uncovered Let go and discover the key to your desires. -- i knock on wood and cross my fingers ill let you kiss me ill let you linger im getting tired of moving on I keep waiting for karma to save me I've done no harm but lifes betrayed me I know I know that lifes not fair but im getting sick of senseless despair I need a break I'm sick of waiting I can't take lifes berating I am worn down. I am strung out. I'm used to forgetting rather than admitting that maybe someone can make me feel okay I've done it once It didn't work well It's so much easier to walk away than waiting for time to tell. How long can you run on wishful thinking? How much faith can you put in superstitions? I guess I'll keep hangin on.

“Shit, shit… shit shit shit,” Josh curses as he paces from wall to wall in the bathroom of his sudden in-laws. After a three month drug filled booze binge with a new found fuck-up friend, Marie, he’s found himself strung-out and married. “Fuckin married,” he continues to curse as he digs through his pockets for a cigarette and his phone. Exhaling an exhausted sigh he lights his cigarette and dials his best friend Kyle’s number. After five rings a groggy voice pulled from sleep mumbles, “what the fuckkkk man it’s like 5AM?” Unphased by his friends lack of judgment, Josh stiffly whispers, “Dude, its 7 o’clock on a Wednesday night, for real though man I fucked up real bad this time and I don’t know what to do… I need you to come to this address, say there’s an emergency and get me THE FUCK out of here.” “What the shit? Are you in jail?” “No I’m not in fucking jail,” Josh stifled his yell to a harsh whisper, “I’m… I don’t know, I’m married.” An explosion of laughter erupted from the other side of the phone. Joshs’ face turned purple with frustration as his buddy Kyle enjoyed the situation and choked out, “dude, what the fuck shit have you been cloggin up your veins with man…hahah I’ll be there in like… four hours to three days alright man? Just hang tight, gimme the address and I’ll see you soon.” Josh gave him the address, not bothering trying to argue the ridiculous time span he’d been given. Knowing Kyle, he felt lucky to have even been given an approximate time period and took it for what it was. Kyle was an unusual character, Josh could never figure out whether he didn’t know what was going on ever, or if he just didn’t care. Regardless though, he was still standing in the bathroom of near strangers that he was now legally related to. Three soft knocks pierced his already flooded head causing him to jump and lose his cigarette onto the fresh, pink rug. “Uhh, yeah Mrs…. Mrs….” as he searched to remember his mother-in-laws name he tossed the cigarette into the toilet and failed to rub the burn out. He opened the door, standing strategically over the burn, and smiled, “What’s up?” Carolyn Suzanne McMill wore a purple skirt that rode up to her bellybutton, creating a paunch of fat at the bottom of her shirt. Her stubby ankles forced her feet slightly outwards because of the excessive weight constantly losing it’s battle to gravity. As Josh opened the door she poked her head in slightly darting her eyes around indiscreetly. “ Josh dear, are you smoking weed in this bathroom?” As Josh was about to answer, she pushed him backwards allowing herself entrance and closed the door behind her, “because if you are, we can help you. Jesus can save you dear. God has a plan for all of us and I will not let yours be to become a worthless blob on a couch in a dark- alley!” It was then that Josh looked around and noticed the absurd amount of crosses and religious trinkets littered around the bathroom, complete with a Jesus night light. She was one of those crazy Christian women, full-blown, unrelenting, crazy bullshit spitting Christians… and he was married to her daughter. “Just a cigarette… I’m gonna go find Marie… maybe go on a walk.” He pushed past the crazy bitch and found his way to Marie’s room, first noticing the “body of Christ” themed wallpaper lining the kitchen. He found her sifting through boxes under her bed, hands shaking, probably looking for a fix. “Marie let’s go on a walk okay…?” After three months with Marie, Josh had dug a small spot in his heart for her and definitely cared about her… but somewhere between the Jack and smack something went terribly wrong, and he was the only one who thought so. Marie, obviously oblivious, hopped up from her search and grabbed his hand exclaiming, “Why sure honey! There’s a really cute little pond down the road I wanted to show you anyways…” She grabbed her jacket and dragged Josh through the house and out the front door. Josh’s slow, foreboding walk was in complete contrast with Marie’s unobserving skip as they made their way through the cross laced garden to the street. “Look, Marie… these past three months have been three of the most… erm… interesting… months I’ve had,” Josh spoke slowly, choosing his words very carefully, “but we really need to think and talk and figure things out” Nodding her head as if she fully understood she responded, “Oh yes honey I know, we definitely rushed into it, but we have all the time in the world to figure things out. My parents said we can stay with them until we figure out where we want to live, isn’t that so nice of them… Daddy really likes you too…” Marie continued to ramble as Josh started to realize what a crazy ditzy bitch he’d been befriending. He’d been too fucked up to notice or care, and under the veil of drugs, he’d found her slightly intriguing and cute. Now, looking at this person as his wife, he realized she’s stock dumb and chalk full of fucking crazy. Here he was, trying to let her know that they were both complete assholes and did something beyond retarded, as she was primarily concerned with what order the color of daisies in their front yard will be. Kyle’s ‘76 Chevy cruised healthily down the highway as his music mixed with the air from the open windows. “ahh hahaaa” he laughed thinking about where and what the hell his buddy Josh been getting himself into the last three or so months. “Man… “what the fuck happened?”

Where the fuck am I?... Where the fuck was I?... Fuck not another one of these nights. I'm so god damned sick of the cliche, "I don't know what I did last night" nights. I want to know, I want to remember. I don't want anymore unanswered questions floating through my head. Why am I naked in this incredibly comfortable bed? Who decorated this room, it's gorgeous. Oh god, I hope it wasn't a chick... or a gay guy. Not that again, that was hands down the most awkward night I have ever experienced. I smoothed the blanket out with my hands, the soft pattern pressing gently through to the bare set of legs beneath it. The legs I've disconnected from my head as being my own, as well as the arms and the majority of my brain. Responsibility is something I've let go of entirely; the blame goes to my body instead. I've lied to myself enough that I've actually accepted sense in the detachment I've created. Health isn't, never has been and presumably never will be at the top of my list of importance. That's how I've managed to get myself into all of these fucking ruts. As I scoped the room for my bra and panties, the dreaded thoughts were waiting to make their rounds. Who is this guy? Do I really have to deal with the awkward... "yeah call me" bull shit? Even worse, do I have to listen to a guy lie and say, "I'll call you..." I've always thought it too slutty to tell them not to bother, I don't want your phone call, thanks for the fuck. I hate when a guy thinks he's getting away with something after a one-night-stand. I had the same fucking intentions the second I laid eyes on them, why do men always get the bragging rights? A sweet, sensitive voice whispered from the door, "Hey... you're up, how'd you sleep?" Mmm, right... one of the awkward ones. I guess it's always kinda cute out of curtosy to pretend to care. Totally unecessary, but cute I suppose... "I was going to make you breakfast this morning but I didn't want to wake you. Especially since I don't even know if you like breakfast, or are a morning person...or how you were feeling. So you know, I wouldn't want to, like, wake you up for no reas-" He cut himself short; a deep red glowing in his cheeks before he laughed at himself for rambeling. He stopped and stared at me, I guess waiting for some kind of signal on how to handle the situation, it's almost like he's new at this shit. "I slept great last night, feel like all hell this morning though..." I slipped naked from the bed locking eyes with him expecting to make him uncomforable. He caught my stare and gazed deep into me with eyes full of... concern? understanding? Something deep and undeniable but I've been so distached from human emotion that I can't quite recognize it. Bra, panties... where the fuck are they? The hard wood floor sent a shiver through me as the jolt of the cold shocked the tip of my toes. "Let me get your clothes for you..." he said as he walked from the room. I was left standing wondering why the fuck he knew where my clothes were and I didn't. A few moments later he returned with my clothes neatly folded, possibly washed? What the fuck, this shit's creepy. The calm cool collected feeling I had slipped from me straight through my finger tips. I guess he noticed the change in mood, or my blank expression promptly changing to, "what the fuck?" The confusion was overwhelming when I noticed that the pillows next to me we're still fluffed and the left side of the bed was unslept in... "Uhm Ali, what do you think happened last night? Because I think you're wrong..."

I want to dance with the flow of freedom in my feet and my heart to race rhytmically with the beat Take me take me every note I'm breaking through to the anecdote Feel the wind breathe through your hair the gravel crumble beneath your feet enjoy the company you endure enjoy the people that you meet Rock me rock me love.

The homeless just might sleep alone but there's always room for two and a hobo traveling town to town will have some great stories for you Close your eyes and forget the judgements that you pass you think you're getting ahead in life but they're just makin it last Keep your eyes open when you're walkin down the street cause fifty cents can find a friend and a person you wouldn't think to meet I met a homeless man who asked me for some change and although I didn't have a cent We smoked a couple cigarettes and killed some time on a bench I had a conversation that I never will forget but 15 people passed him by like he was just a piece of shit Fuck society there might be something wrong with me but that 6 pack by the river made me feel alive

She stared idely out the window trying to ignore her shaking hands and her throbbing heart. Time ticked steadily yet unsurely as a whirlwind of memories took over her thoughts. Overwhelmed. The cat sat on the countertop licking its' paws. She set her pencil down. The cat meowed. Her body quivered. The pencil rolled from the table and hit the floor with an uneven tap. Her eyes shut. The sound of the clock ticking slowed to an impossible rhythm. Her breath quickened. A soft whimper filled the silence of the room. Her shoulders fell. Her history crawled up her spine and whispered her a final "good-bye". Her ankles twist, her hips shift; she's on the floor, she's broken down.

Michael padded his hands over his black marino suit mumbleing to himself. His hands slid over the breast pocket,"phone" dipped into the inside pocket, "keys", checked to make sure the proper button was fastened. "Okay okay okay," his hand continued to his pant pocket where it rested on a small object. He pulled it from his pants, reverting his eyes instead to their reflection in the mirror. "This is it, the big day." He popped the small velvet box open revealing the most beautiful Tacori ring he could find. He'd spent 3 hours pouring over three rings trying to figure which suited her most. His Maria, the most beautiful women he'd ever met. Michael was sure she was the one for him, there wasn't a question in his mind who he would want to spend the rest of his life with. They had been together since he was 21 and she 19. College wasn't the most romantic setting, but when they were together it seemed like something out of a movie. Some cheesy chick flick where the beer stained nights and piss soaked sidewals ceased to exist. They were in love. After another quick pat down, he took one more look, one more deep breath and was out the door. His face glowed, presumably from the butterflies overflowing from his stomach. He skipped down the steps with a giddyness that almost made him jump the last four and chuckle like a little girl. He stifled the urge to hug the next person he saw and scream, "I'm about to marry the girl of my dreams!" Maria was meeting him at The Carlucci Rosemont for dinner before a play, which he was all too sure they would skip out on. So sure in fact, he never even bought the tickets. His feet carried him to the subway performing their own sort of tap dance on the way down. He was floating. He barely noticed the doors closing an instant after he squeezed into the crowded car. He was so taken away in his own bliss that the man holding his arm up to leak his bodily stench didn't bother him as much as he should. They were just a few stops away when something shook Michael out of his wonder world. An explosion of laughter erupted from the center of the car where he noticed people moving out of the way creating a small clearing. He pulled himself up by one of the bars to see what was going on. Suddenly a young kid, about eighteen years old, jumped up on one of the seats and yelled to the other side of the car, "YO! Vince ahaha man dude Rory just tripped over his saggy ass pants, got it hooked on ahaha a seat and his fat ass is hangin out all over the place." The kid presumed to be Vince busted out a roar of laughter tossing his phone through the air to his friend, "Take a picture dude I can't believe I'm missin this, fuck these crowds ahahah." The boys continued their laughter as the groans of the fallen boy rose above the murmors and complaints. They went on laughing and Michael went on watching as memories bubbled beneath the surface. He had three best friends in college. They used to get themselves into the funniest situations when they first met freshman year. They were like the kids from the sandlot but all grown up and still kickin it. He smiled expecting his thoughts to move on, but there was something nagging. He started to remember when those memories stopped. Him and Maria got together... but that's how it seemed like it was supposed to be. He thought to himself, "move on, grow up, that's how shit happens..." There was something terribly unsure, "this is just cold feet. I want this." He spent the rest of the subway ride and walk to the restaurant telling himself over and over that he was ready for marriage. With each step he took, he believed it less and less. Before he walked in the door he took the ring from the box and tucked the ring more discretely into his pant pocket. He tossed the velvet box behind him as an arm reached up and grabbed his, "Hello darling," her smile gleaming, "What was that you just threw?" His face wore fear, he couldn't look her in the eyes, "Just some garbage that was in the suit..." All throughout dinner he tried to maintain a normal conversation, tried to keep eye contact. His palms wouldn't stop sweating and he couldn't help noticing just how beautiful women in Chicago were. Eye contact, eye contact. Check Please. "Oh shit hunny I must've forgotten to bring the tickets, I'm not feeling well, I think I'll just go home."