“Shit, shit… shit shit shit,” Josh curses as he paces from wall to wall in the bathroom of his sudden in-laws. After a three month drug filled booze binge with a new found fuck-up friend, Marie, he’s found himself strung-out and married. “Fuckin married,” he continues to curse as he digs through his pockets for a cigarette and his phone. Exhaling an exhausted sigh he lights his cigarette and dials his best friend Kyle’s number. After five rings a groggy voice pulled from sleep mumbles, “what the fuckkkk man it’s like 5AM?” Unphased by his friends lack of judgment, Josh stiffly whispers, “Dude, its 7 o’clock on a Wednesday night, for real though man I fucked up real bad this time and I don’t know what to do… I need you to come to this address, say there’s an emergency and get me THE FUCK out of here.” “What the shit? Are you in jail?” “No I’m not in fucking jail,” Josh stifled his yell to a harsh whisper, “I’m… I don’t know, I’m married.” An explosion of laughter erupted from the other side of the phone. Joshs’ face turned purple with frustration as his buddy Kyle enjoyed the situation and choked out, “dude, what the fuck shit have you been cloggin up your veins with man…hahah I’ll be there in like… four hours to three days alright man? Just hang tight, gimme the address and I’ll see you soon.” Josh gave him the address, not bothering trying to argue the ridiculous time span he’d been given. Knowing Kyle, he felt lucky to have even been given an approximate time period and took it for what it was. Kyle was an unusual character, Josh could never figure out whether he didn’t know what was going on ever, or if he just didn’t care. Regardless though, he was still standing in the bathroom of near strangers that he was now legally related to. Three soft knocks pierced his already flooded head causing him to jump and lose his cigarette onto the fresh, pink rug. “Uhh, yeah Mrs…. Mrs….” as he searched to remember his mother-in-laws name he tossed the cigarette into the toilet and failed to rub the burn out. He opened the door, standing strategically over the burn, and smiled, “What’s up?” Carolyn Suzanne McMill wore a purple skirt that rode up to her bellybutton, creating a paunch of fat at the bottom of her shirt. Her stubby ankles forced her feet slightly outwards because of the excessive weight constantly losing it’s battle to gravity. As Josh opened the door she poked her head in slightly darting her eyes around indiscreetly. “ Josh dear, are you smoking weed in this bathroom?” As Josh was about to answer, she pushed him backwards allowing herself entrance and closed the door behind her, “because if you are, we can help you. Jesus can save you dear. God has a plan for all of us and I will not let yours be to become a worthless blob on a couch in a dark- alley!” It was then that Josh looked around and noticed the absurd amount of crosses and religious trinkets littered around the bathroom, complete with a Jesus night light. She was one of those crazy Christian women, full-blown, unrelenting, crazy bullshit spitting Christians… and he was married to her daughter. “Just a cigarette… I’m gonna go find Marie… maybe go on a walk.” He pushed past the crazy bitch and found his way to Marie’s room, first noticing the “body of Christ” themed wallpaper lining the kitchen. He found her sifting through boxes under her bed, hands shaking, probably looking for a fix. “Marie let’s go on a walk okay…?” After three months with Marie, Josh had dug a small spot in his heart for her and definitely cared about her… but somewhere between the Jack and smack something went terribly wrong, and he was the only one who thought so. Marie, obviously oblivious, hopped up from her search and grabbed his hand exclaiming, “Why sure honey! There’s a really cute little pond down the road I wanted to show you anyways…” She grabbed her jacket and dragged Josh through the house and out the front door. Josh’s slow, foreboding walk was in complete contrast with Marie’s unobserving skip as they made their way through the cross laced garden to the street. “Look, Marie… these past three months have been three of the most… erm… interesting… months I’ve had,” Josh spoke slowly, choosing his words very carefully, “but we really need to think and talk and figure things out” Nodding her head as if she fully understood she responded, “Oh yes honey I know, we definitely rushed into it, but we have all the time in the world to figure things out. My parents said we can stay with them until we figure out where we want to live, isn’t that so nice of them… Daddy really likes you too…” Marie continued to ramble as Josh started to realize what a crazy ditzy bitch he’d been befriending. He’d been too fucked up to notice or care, and under the veil of drugs, he’d found her slightly intriguing and cute. Now, looking at this person as his wife, he realized she’s stock dumb and chalk full of fucking crazy. Here he was, trying to let her know that they were both complete assholes and did something beyond retarded, as she was primarily concerned with what order the color of daisies in their front yard will be. Kyle’s ‘76 Chevy cruised healthily down the highway as his music mixed with the air from the open windows. “ahh hahaaa” he laughed thinking about where and what the hell his buddy Josh been getting himself into the last three or so months. “Man… “what the fuck happened?”