I don't usually let things get to me. Especially something like formspring. But last night proved to be one of the worst nights I have had in....years. Well, to be honest, this has been one of the worst weeks of my life.

My mother has gone off of the deep end. Literally. When I say my mother is nuts, I mean it literally and fully. She has gone crazy and it makes me want to cry and slap her all at the same time. She goes to work until 2 everyday, and then goes home and drinks with my brother until she goes to bed. Unfortunately for me, she decides that while in her drunken stupor, she's going to call and leave me these awful messages about how I'm a bad daughter that doesn't love her because I don't call her. But I can't ever call her when she isn't drunk. My mom's always been irrational, but when she's had some alcohol..it's ridiculous. She leaves me 5 to 6 messages a night saying that I don't love her, and that she never did anything to me and that I'm going to live a cursed life because of it. She says all of these cruel things, when in reality..I love her more than anything, and it destroys me to hear her this way. I CAN NOT deal with it and she just won't leave me alone. THEN she goes and forces my step father, the man that raised me from 6 years old to tell me that he molested his daughter when she was a 5. She made him tell me that he put his dick in her mouth and he said that it was all true. She said she knew for fucking 15 years, since they first cheated on both of their spouses together, and decided to tell me now? For what? to ruin that only father figure I've ever had? To put notions in my head, and solidify the fact that I could have possibly been molested? ..something that I've been struggling with for years? but never really believed it could be true? Did she think I'd some how see her as good for showing me how bad he was? She's a fucking sadistic bitch. She should have fucking protected her child instead of bringing another fucking pedofile into our lives. Then, when I finally snap and tell them all to stop fucking talking to me, she stll leaves me messages...and tells me that none of it was true and that I'm a sick person for holding that against my father.

My family has royally mind fucked me. I'm so fucking stressed and beyond disgusted that I just want to sleep all day. THEN. on top of it, I fucking get a cold sore. Of course, my boyfriend brother has to go and say "ew, you have herpes?" Of course, it's infuckingpossible to explain that cold sores aren't the STD type of herpes... Dear lord...

Then, to top it all of I get a comment on formspring. Something that I hardly ever go on. The first one tells me to get off of my high horse...to which I don't really reply much with, except "lawl"

Then I get another one that goes on to say that I really do need to get off my high horse because I'm nothing special, especially with all the weight I've gained.

Normally, this shit wouldn't bother me. I know I gained some weight, but I'm losing it. More importantly, i'm trying to find some self love and acceptance along the way, so that I can try to deal with my body issues. But man, when you're going through all of this shit, and know that your family is so destructive that you're actually WAITING for the phone call saying that one of them killed the other or killed themselves...shit. it's the last thing I needed to hear. the last fucking thing.

People are so fucking cruel. they just are. No one knows me. I never hang out with anyone. I'm too busy. I go to school full time, babysit on my days off, and try to sneak in some time with my boyfriend whenever I get a chance. Hanging out with people isn't my first priority. So, I have no idea who I insulted with my prudeshness...but congrats, anon. You fucked with my head. Now all I want to do is a mix between not eat and vomit every time I do eat. I didn't realize I gained that much weight.

Also, anon, you accomplished me almost getting killed because I was sobbing so hard on my way home and couldn't see the road. You also accomplished me puking because I was crying that hard.

Congrats. You're officially a fucking piece of shit. You know nothing about me, or why I do the shit I do.

I may be a prude, I may not be fucking fun, I may be on a fucking high horse... but honestly, there's nothing I can, nor want to do about it. I have too much going for me and against me to be any different than I am. I've always been told I can't accomplish anything, and I need to prove my mother wrong. I need to prove that I'll never be like her.

I know i'm not fun. That's why no one is interested in hanging out me, but there's nothing i'm willing to do about it... I'm so tired of this shit..and how cruel people are.

No one gives a shit about anyone..

I just want to go live in a hole, honestly.