A letter to you. You used me apparently im not as important as you say i am?. If it's just all about sex find someone else to have it with because to me it's more then that, and if you don't feel the same way tell me now so i"ll stop wasting my time. Im sick of you breaking my heart im sick of getting hurt. So come get your stuff i don't want it here it has no reason to be here. I gave you a place to live when no-one wanted to help you, and this is how you thank me. Pick up and leave without even a thank you not even a bye. You knew exactly what you were doing so why didn't you take your stuff?, so i can stare at it. You need to make up your mind because im sick and mentally tired of going over this heartache and frustration over and over again. Im giving you this las chance make up your mind or im gone. -I loved you

I think i figured out the only way my parents really realize im depressed is by blasting evanescences out of my speakers. I guess it's something i've been doing since i was younger. But it seems like the only thing that will work. I tryed talking to my mom yesterday, andi was crying and she told me everyone has bad days and i need to get over it. But it's not just that even my teachers well ms. Grenonie and ms. Kissack, but it's not that hard. I bet if you looked into my eyes and you knew me you would understand that im breaking down again. Back down that spiral to the pit of nothing. Where i lay and wait for it all to be over. I just need someone to notice im not myself, i need someone to come talk to me hold me and just be there. I need my friends, i need my sister. I just need to get away. But here there's no where to go. i need to go to a fimliar area and sit in the woods and write

Idk what's going on today im taking all my anger and pain and i guess it's turning into my hyperness listening to my hardcore disturbed. Oh god only if i could mosh right now hha. Yeah in my skirt lmao. Yah it's freezing cold out and im wearing a skirt.

So im sick, and fucking pissed. All i want is for someone to just sit and watch tv with me. Is that so hard to ask for?. Apprently it is. I take of everyone when there sick but do any of them so me any sympothy no only my step dad does, he bought me candy and cough drops. That made my day =). Well i don't have much to say besides the fact im depressed.

So this has to be the worse weekend ever. Friday i worked from 4-9 that was okay, i mean its work. So Saturday me and my mom go out. She attpemted to take me shopping. First we went to the H to see her friend Nicole, stayed there for a lil while, then we went to TJ max. I didn't fit in any of there jeans and they had no shirts. So i ended up just getting a pure, which later when i came home my boyfriend told me it was ugly... Nice huh, So we where all suppose to go to Mohegan sun that night.( my mom, step dad, boyfriend and I) And on the way home my mom said she wanted to go to Fox woods instead so when we get home. My step dads not ready, and that causes them to fight... So im like fine lets not go apparently its just going to cause drama. About a half an hour goes by, and we leave. We ended up walking around for a lil bit, and then eating at the hard rock cafe, it was really fun... And allot of slutty girls where their so you know boyfriends got wondering eyes. At first i was like w/e and then after awhile i got a lil pissed. So we leave he now has an attitude wont talk to me. And now we have to go to staples and the grocery store. At staples i stay in the car with him.. It was dead silent until my phone went off with my father telling me my 18 year old cuzin is prego.. JOY!. So now were at the grocery store i ask him whats wrong he says nothing. And then after awhile got him to tell me... Yeah that wasn't fun. So we get home still not fun he wouldn't cuddle with me or anything. So now it's sunday, my mom had a class to teach at the house so we had to leave. My step dad took us to the car show, yeah it was all going good until i tryed to hold saverios hand. Wow he turns around and tells me he's still mad at me. That pissed me off for the rest of th day so i tryed to stay as far away from him as possible. Then for me doing that i got told i was acting like a brat all day and had a sour puss. After the car show they wanted to go see a movie and i didnt i wanted to shop and they would not let me. So i was fucking heated i needed new pants wtf. So now im just like i want to go home. Now im home i go in my room and cry, yeah im a big baby, but i was hurt and pissed. So my mom comes up and ask me whats wrong i tell her to leave me alone but she wont until she finds out. So finally she gets it out of me itell her about the car show. Then she offers to take me to khol's and i being a fucking idot ask saverio if he wants to come. So he can go to wally wolrd. So he comes still being mean to me. But i hate shoping i didnt fit in any jeans but to and there madd long. But oh well my mom bought me a pair of jeans and a black vest andi bouht a pair of jeans and a cami. So now once again im back home being ignored. And my internet doesnt work in my room anymore so im stuck sitting in my moms study. What fucking fun that is . While my boyfriends upstiars on his computer doing god knows what with his fucking web cam i fucking hate that thing. So now i have nothing to do...

AT moments i want to run away. But can i tear myself from this world i know. I think i can, im ready to run away everything hear is to sad, it makes me so depressed. We all need that drug here in this place. But this drug that helps so many of you only makes me think about this more and more. I just want to get away. You ask can i live?. WEll can i run?

So on Friday i went to the emergence room and had some of my toenail removed. Yum i know lol. Well now my toe fucking hurts, and my work are being assholes about it because i can't work fro 3 days. And now there going to be even more pissed at me if i call out on Sat. cuz i have shit to do and i requested it off. Durr if i request shit off normally means i can't go in, dumb fucks.

How do i make myself walk again? I need to keep moving but all i want to do is sit. Sit in my sorrows and grief. Nothing will drown this out. The drugs make it worse, the music's not loud enough. Strangers make it worse and lovers make it hurt. My pain is starting to strike so deep. And now i fall. Lyndsey Charron Copyright 2008