My head is in a fog lately and I can't think straight. Middletown is a stagnant pond...on second thought maybe it's just my house, and really even not the house but the occupants. It's strange. It's an antihome of sorts. My car is my home. My car takes me everywhere I want to go to be happy. It takes me hiking, away, work, adventuring, matt's place, all of the random places where I find a bit of peace. So I default to my car feeling like home. I adore my personality flaws. They truly make me happy. However I've never really felt any attachment to who I see in the mirror, let alone my physical flaws. It could really just be a complete stranger to me sometimes. It's not fun being encouraged to compete for who can eat less, have the best clothes, the best skin. It's the one thing I always truly hated the most about living here. It drives me crazy. It's been months since my last move and I'm still living out of boxes, suitcases, and garbage bags full of my things. I'm not sure if it's my situations or merely who I've become. Am I that person that is so transient in nature that I feel more comfortable living as such or has it just become a habit for me? I would like to hope it's a bit of both. Not too much of one or the other. I need to write more. I wish I could record my thoughts sometimes. I can think so fluidly and cohesively. When I go to write things just clumsily spill out. I'm a poor writer. I jump from one idea to another, poor, poor planning pepper with some a.d.d.. I'm haphazard. It works for most things in life, keeps it exciting, not writing. None of this is what I signed on to write about. This is random spillover, the drunken conversation that just mindlessly slipped to a out to a stranger after one too many late night drinks. I had an agenda god damn it and now I feel like this isn't the time or place for it. I'm excited about my life. I have a great deal of passion for the things I've been doing lately. That's one of the few things of value in life. If you can't find passion for the things you do you are not living! Take passion in everything. Strive to find meaning, value, and love for what you do, accomplish, the people you encounter. Life is beautiful. There's a subtle grace about the world if you take the time to tap into it. There's a rhythm, rhyme, and pattern to life. ...see yet another spillover. My real agenda. I have more to say. I have witticisms, sarcasm, and stupidity yet to unveil. Perhaps later, perhaps never. And I somehow fell into the way the hair falls into your eyes the angle of your neck and sucked into... your fingertips slide down my face All these thoughts I've defined in you.- Chris Martinez <3