[and we frolicked about in our summer skin i don't recall a single care] my mother turned over cards. see here, this card is the best card. this means it's all good. fast talker, fast mover, a pursuer.

i'm sitting in his apartment right now and he's playing wild horses by the rolling stones

i've got a bingo date tonight. oh yeah. i know.

fell in love with another stranger. i've never felt so jealous/sickened at the sight of other couples in my life. bought a bike. my life changes a bit more. i have nothing real or important to say. it won't let me add a new entry. whatever today is, 2008 i drank a shit ton and danced inappropriately with 17 year old boys last night. it's good to get out of the house and let my inner crazy slut run wild sometimes. gotta let that freak flag fly. i feel like shit today. cried twice. panic attacks are a natural occurance when i'm hung over. it seems like an okay trade for one night of sheer, carefree, obliterated ecstacy. i'm surprised i can type again. this morning, the keys seemed to be switching places. i tried to write and gave up. moved the rest of my room into my car to take downtown to my deluxe apartment in the sky. you're welcome, mom. another free room to decorate with poor taste through the eyes of a genuine schizo. i wonder what the new theme will be... safari in a rose garden speckled with ceramic angels? geeze, i hope so. most importantly, today i came to the realization that i will not be having a boyfriend for a while. i also realized that is completely okay. time to find myself again. [after all that hiding and covering up i did, too. damn.] new goal: have my hair dyed dark and stop being so god damn nice all the time.

totally jumped the gun and got way ahead of himself. tried to look past the weirdness of it all, but i know this is no time to settle for another creep. and i keep on keepin on.

i am ready to love again. it sounds too soon, but i realized not so long ago that kris hadn't loved me anymore for a long time. the relationship had been over for months, i just couldn't see it. i was blinded by desparation. i feel more relief than grief these days. i see my mistakes, and of course i see his, but i'm not angry about them anymore. just glad to be away. and i am ready. so, so, so, so ready to love (and to be loved) again.