I really havent felt the feeling of, meeting someone new, getting to know them, flirting in forever, I mean, I know these little 1 week things, they're nothing to me, I want someone that I won't get tired of, or burdensome. I want a boy, who can make my stomach tie in knots, butterflies fly around and make my knees tremble when he holds me. I haven't felt it in so long. I miss being wanted/loved. I'm tired of these boys who are great when you first meet them, then turn completely around to someone you never imagined them to be. A boy who, will always be there, when you need him, but not so clingy you get annoyed after a week, that's what I want.

I don't understand why young girls put out on there site them with booze, joints and all that Derogatory bull shit. Are you looking to get raped, arrested or some other bad thing? Seriously, the only guys you're going to attract are complete assholes who just want a peice of ass, that's it. Show a little more respect for yourself. Those things can be fun, but when you start exposing that you do that stuff, you begin to degrade yourself, and people think that is all you do and care about, oh yeah, and then they form the opinion you're like that. This is just what I believe, so I don't want a bunch of replies staying, "i'm dumb and wrong and all this" I could care less, we have freedom of speech. I, Myself use to be like that... But, I don't think i'm being hypocritical, because I learned from my mistakes, and I am aware that was a fault and i'm able to look back on my past and say "wow, I fucked up" But if you do have a judgment on this, feel free to reply back to me, i'de love to hear your side of the story. Thanks.

So Tonight, at church, the topic "Degrading Women" If you think about it, it happens all the time. Everywhere, it's become part of the media. Half-Naked women selling clothes, that they're not even wearing. I have an opinion, I just don't speak it, very often. Thinking about tonight, I feel I have not been respected as I should be. Boys degrade me, and take a great deal of advantage of me, not saying as in "sex" or whatever, but anything. I hope, I desereve more respect at least. A conversation with a close friend about "Degrading Women" (I am cursive starsss) Cursive starsss: like i've been thinking about things XDDMntalMdgitXDD: Ohh? XDDMntalMdgitXDD: And it wasn't good. XDDMntalMdgitXDD: >.< cursive starsss: the topic tonight was like degrading girls XDDMntalMdgitXDD: Thinking about what things? XDDMntalMdgitXDD: Oooh XDDMntalMdgitXDD: Good one. cursive starsss: so, like i'm thining, i've been degraded a lot. cursive starsss: like, i don't get the respect i deserve. and i think that is what has lowerd my self-esteem and self-respect. cursive starsss: i'm taken for granted a lot too XDDMntalMdgitXDD: I hope not by mean. :| XDDMntalMdgitXDD: *me cursive starsss: no, not at all XDDMntalMdgitXDD: Who does though? cursive starsss: you're amazing cursive starsss: like boys. XDDMntalMdgitXDD: Good. I'd like to think I treat everyone with respect, or I don't talk to them. cursive starsss: you treat me with great respect, i mean we joke around about sex, but i KNOW that that's not JUST why ou talk to me ya know. at least i hope not.. XDDMntalMdgitXDD: If that was why, you'd THINK I'd be going for someone closer to home. XDDMntalMdgitXDD: I mean, I'm not cocky, but if all I cared about was having sex, then I'd be well into that. XDDMntalMdgitXDD: I don't even like saying the word "fucking" when it's used to mean have sex. Because it makes it sound less special =| XDDMntalMdgitXDD: Notice I never call it that, either. cursive starsss: well, that makes me feel a little bit better. well actauly a lot. cursive starsss: i like talking to people who actually can define what i'm talking about. I love talking to people with just a TAD bit of intelligence, that actually know what i'm takling about, and have a logical anwser back. I think i'm beginning to gain a little more self-respect and self-confidence. I'm beginning to find who I really am, and how I really want to be treat/treat others. I don't think I do anything or flaunt anything that is degrading to women... Do I?

How can you tell someone you "love" them and "care" for them, then the next day, talk missive shit, and do shit with other girls? Wow, I hate people. A waste of 2 months I like to say. I hate him, everything about him, how he tries to be a hardass, how he thinks he's better than everyone. How he can be the most controllive boy i've ever dated and still think he's "hot shit" Most of the things he said he must've been lying to me about. You can't do that shit or talk that shit about someone you say you "love" and "care about" so much. Oh, well, he's done. Forever. I can't believe I put up with it for 2 months. Well from what I thought we were on a "break" with intentions of getting back together, apparently to him, it was a gesture of "breaking up" so he went and tried stuff with other girls, so that's pretty much cheating, right? Yah, I thought so too. :-

Lesson Learnt Kids. Weed is bad, yeah I came home last night, i'll admit i was a little stoned. Yeah, i totally got caught, i cant hide it very well. Why do people smoke weed? i could not answer this question. Recreational Fun? that'd be my best bet. Depression? Nope, i'm not very depressed with life. To Look Cool? Hm, i dont think so? i am content with my friends why would i want to look "cool" by smoking weed, don't you want to look cool to make new/better friends? i'm content with mine, i love them, all! Learnt my lesson? Deffinatly. i'm done for a while. It did feel kinda good though. Haven't felt that good in a while.

Am i wrong or is being "punk" or whatever you would like to call it, about being what YOU want to be, and doing what YOU want to do, not following in other peoples footsteps or trends and just having fun in life, and expressing your personality widely? YOUR outlook on life? Thats what i've always though.

Part 1 - Appealing to Others If you are not happy with others, and can not show your love for others, there is something missing in your life. If you have the time to critique everything litte thing and remark about every little thing someone does you obvoiusly are not spending your time wisely. I can really be frustrated with someone, but not put them down, because i know how it would feel if they said that stuff about me, i would certainly not enojoy it, why would they. So just look past that, and think to yourself, if they have so much to say about me, i must be pretty important in their life, and that makes me feel good. Part 2 - Love If you can take the time out of the day, just to say i love you, to that special someone, that is a love worth finding. If you can withstand the little things that that person does, and help them with the major issues, that is love. If you can express yourself to the significant other, without 2nd thoughts or doubts, that is someone worth waiting for. Sometimes what you think could be the best thing in the world, could possibly end up and hurt you the most. Part 3 - Respect Respect is something everyone enjoys. If you show your respect for someone, i'm sure it will get paid back to you for the best later on. Being nice to people can be a really great thing. They tend to trust you more, have respect for you, and will kno that you are not someon who deserves to be treated like shit. Going out of your way to help someone out can easily be returned in a favor. When you are a jerk, people tend to label you as "preps, jocks, etc." you maybe have a few close friends, but i bet they would turn their back on you at anyminute if they wanted to. True friends, respectfiul friends, stick around forever.

Fate Brings People Together, People fall in love on their own. I believe you just have to let fate play it's roll at finding the one. Love is a great thing. <3