Say a prayer that you'll wake up tomarrow and everything will be over. Pray that when you wake up maybe theres a chance he'll wake up with you. Say a prayer that you'll find your faith and everything will be better. Pray that you wont lose your faith because its all you have left. Say a prayer and fall asleep and dream that your prayers will make a difference.

So yeah I havent been on here in forever I dont know why I guess I kind of forgot I guess. Im kinda sad I saw My-Secret-Agent-Lover-Priest today. Hes not really a priest I just call him that because hes really religious hes not old either hes my age. I didnt get to see my white chocolate either Im pissed off at him cause he took 2 of my ciggs so I only had one left and he already had 2 packs. I dont know why I like him hes and ass hole but I dunno. So Im bored and Im not going to get to hang out with any of my friends Sunday because were having an Easter party at my grandmas. Ok so Im proud of myself I havent cut since January. It pissed me off though because this guy in my math class saw my arm with the scars and asked if I was emo. So I just acted like I couldnt here him. I hate when people do that they automaticly think Im just some stupid chick trying to be cool or emo what the fuck ever. Im not.

can someone tell me why it doesnt hurt me. i do it and sometimes i dont even remember doing it. its like im on a drug i do it and cant remember anything but i still want to do it more and more until my arm is covered in red or until someone sees it i cant ever scream and i cant ever cry i make myself feel pain and that doesnt even make me cry i hurt all the time i sometimes just want to go up to my mom and just scream at her not say anything just scream until i pass out. i want to sit next to her and just start smoking a cigarette or drink a bottle of vodka or something so she can yell for me because i cant i want to finaly meet my dad for the first time in my life so i can tell him about everyday i hated him, i loved him, i felt pain for him, i tried to cry for him, i waited for him but my mom doesnt think he should matter that much to me but he does and i hate both of them for that. i guess i was wrong in my last entry i said i wouldnt ever put my secrets in here but i guess i was lieing.the only reason i have this secret in here is because i want someone to answer my question, why doesnt cutting hurt me.

someone asked why i dont make these private if there my deepest darkest secrets. so im just saying that i dont write type or speak my deepest darkest secrets if i did then there would be a way for people to find them out. i dont even tell my closest friends or family my secrets so there you go.

yesterday i went and sawwww skeleton key i thought it was pretty stupid i went w/ sam,sam,leah, & mat he was dressed "emo" for the movies i love mat hes so cool ive known him for forever hes such a whore it was really fun though a bunch of 5th graders were there and they kept staring at us... kreepy 5th graders scare me.

I think I made myself sick by being so bored I felt like my chest had been riped open but all the medicene made it feel better. My friend Jeanee's b-day party was awesome we did the usual stuff we usualy do this time there were more ppl at the party Jade came this time shes finaly not in trouble and some guy named Zac was there. Jade was her usual flirty self she kept flirtying with this guy Jon. Zac and Jon of coures being guys kept trying to look down all the girls tops we told Zac all he had to do was ask but he didnt even have to do that since we went streaking. I had 3 cigarettes it was great its been so long.

yeah I'm going to my friend Jeanee's b-day party tomarrow I'm going to get her battires because she uses them up so quickly she uses her vibrator so much thats why she needs the battires i told my mom i thats what i wanted to get her but i told her it was because she had alot of electronics. Jeanee says she uses it almost everynight she is one horrny bastard even i cant masterbate that much I think she can beat any guy at the most masterbation. I cant wait tell tomarrow we have a tradition that everytime we go to her house we all go streaking fun-fun but she lives out in the country kind of then we go on smoking walk.

so today nothing has happend im bored out of my mind i think i need some hobbies or something its been 2 weeks since ive cut yeah for me i guess but now i have a habbit of biting my lip the other day i did it so much my lip started to bleed but i felt alot better after it did i guess i'll always have problems. i hate when people figure out that i cut they have to open their big mouths to everyone so everyone is constinly trying to look at your arms or legs even some of my friends did i got so mad and it made me want to do it even more. but i think everyone has there problems with pain.

today i was so scared i was walking to class and when i got on to lindsy street 2 guys in a truck drove by me and the passenger was wisteling and he said something but i couldn't here him cause they had a noisy trailer on the back. then they passed me and turned were i needed to and as i got further down the street they drove passed me again they both had their heads stuck out the windows and did the samething as the first time i was so freaked out that they were going to come back again. i wouldnt have been freaked out if they were younger but they looked like they were at least 28.

im finaly about to get out of my art class it was really fun i made a ton of pottery so hopefully my brother is going to pick me up but im tired of walking to and from my school everyday on the third i have to leave for some church camp ive been there before it was fun but im going to be their on the 4th of july so i wont get to kiss my b/f when the fireworks go off but i have to kiss a guy because its a tradition between me and some of my frieds:(

im so bored i forgot that i had this diary thing then i remembered so now im typing in it so far my summer has been pretty boring my step brother just moved back in w/ us and 2 of my friends cut my hair on wed. it looks really cool

ok so this is my first 1 i guess so how do i change my back groung?? ummm this is weird i hated writting n diarys cause im basicly talken 2 me self but oh well