can someone tell me why it doesnt hurt me. i do it and sometimes i dont even remember doing it. its like im on a drug i do it and cant remember anything but i still want to do it more and more until my arm is covered in red or until someone sees it i cant ever scream and i cant ever cry i make myself feel pain and that doesnt even make me cry i hurt all the time i sometimes just want to go up to my mom and just scream at her not say anything just scream until i pass out. i want to sit next to her and just start smoking a cigarette or drink a bottle of vodka or something so she can yell for me because i cant i want to finaly meet my dad for the first time in my life so i can tell him about everyday i hated him, i loved him, i felt pain for him, i tried to cry for him, i waited for him but my mom doesnt think he should matter that much to me but he does and i hate both of them for that. i guess i was wrong in my last entry i said i wouldnt ever put my secrets in here but i guess i was lieing.the only reason i have this secret in here is because i want someone to answer my question, why doesnt cutting hurt me.