Mixed selection of moods today. Some lonely, some disappointed, some anger, much anticipation, and finally fear. Yet another friend has let me down. So many people I care about do things to me I would never do to them. I guess it makes me appreciate the few true friends I have. Such is life I suppose. We all make mistakes. Happy new year. I've never really made resolutions. Maybe I should start. I resolve to have realistic expectations of my friends. Not everyone has the same beliefs as me. I also resolve not to let it get to me when I am let down. All I can do is be there for the ones I care about, I can't control if they return the favor. Soon I will be in London. Escape from this life for awhile and I will appreciate it again.

keep thinking i'm getting better. not so obsessive, not procrastinating, not dwelling on the unimportant, but i'm wrong. I am exactly the same as I have been. maybe I'm actually the one who stays the same, i always think everyone else stays the same but i am wrong. the only way to change is to be active and stop being afraid k, starting now

So long since I laughed so hard I cried So long since I hung out with a group of friends I feel like family around So long since I had a crush to preoccupy my mind with So long since a played piano, painted a picture, wrote in my journal So long since I've been hurt by a boy, good I guess So long since I cried Maybe I've become void of emotion, just going through the motions. Graduation will be good- set me on a new path, London will do so much good for me

I'm excited to go to London. I haven't been so excited for anything in a long time. I don't look forward to things much anymore. Not that I'm not happy, just takes more nowadays to get me riled up. Don't know why that is. Maybe just part of growing up, I don't know. but anyway, i'm just happy to have another thing to be excited about. PS i miss tigger

The next phase. Don't really know what the last phase was, but I'm on the next. Or at least I'm ready for the next. Tired of the same old, same old. I liked Chicago, probably just because it was different. Felt like my life was changing. Maybe not for the better, but it was changing. I feel different now that I'm back. Don't really know how I've changed, but I feel like I have. More independent maybe, realizing more and more that I have to fend for myself. Can't rely on others. Not to say that I don't want friends, I love hanging out with my friends. But that's it, they're just friends, nothing more. My life is my own. It keeps on going whether or not they are here. I do the same things, act the same way, feel the same feelings no matter where I am or who I'm with. I should really stop worrying about where I am going to go next, because I feel like the same things are going to be accompished wherever I go. Just gonna keep living, see what happens

almost done. . .almost done with my internship, almost done growing up. i miss familiarity. i miss my friends. I have new friends, but for some reason, more than anyone I know, I have so much trouble letting go of the past. I never forget, never move on. For pete's sake, I still miss high school. I still get sad looking back at all the fun I had. Now I have to move on from college? How will I get over college, when I still miss highschool! I'm enjoying myself now, it's not like I dont live in the moment. I love my life now. I just miss my old life too. cant i have both? poor me, been blessed with too good of a life

I'm living in a fairy tale world. It takes another bombing, shooting, what have you, to wake me up from the dream. I complain of being tired, sick of commuting, being hungry. . .but I have never known real problems. I walk past the homeless people begging for help each day, I judge them and avert my eyes. I say I want meaning in my life, but don't do anything about it. So many dreams and aspirations- so little action. I give a few coins here and there to keep my guilt away, talk about wanting to do peace corp, go to mass on sundays- and then go back to my self serving life. Time for bed. . .I'm tired again.

There is always something new to see. I love the atmosphere. However, I am desperate for people my own age. There are not many college age students where my cousins live. It would be much better to actually live downtown for the summer. Can't turn down a free place to live though. I am enjoying my time spent with Tracy. I hope I can be a help to them with Ian. Went shopping today. . .one of my many weaknesses. Got some really cute pants. . .definately professional. I have to go into work tomorrow (on a sunday). That stinks, but it might be more relaxing to get some work done without so many people around. At mass tonight, the piano man had the most amazing voice. I could listen to him sing forever. . .probably not what I should have been thinking about at mass. Oh well, gives me yet one more reason to go to church :0 I know, I'm scandalous don't know if I spelled that right. Hope everyone in Nebraska is having a good summer

So, I'm a big girl now. Driving to the metra each morning, taking the hour train ride every day, walking from the train 20 minutes to the 36th floor of a 47 floor skyscraper. Work till 5:30, catch the train and get home by 7:30 each night. Make myself some dinner, relax for about an hour or so, fall asleep and do it all over again the next day. Now I just need to determine if this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. It's only been one week, maybe I'll get used to this life. Maybe. One thing's for sure: Even over the summer when I only have 1 or 2 things I need to accomplish in a week, I will take every chance I can get to procrastinate.

Year number 3! I am finished with 3 years of college! CRAZY and 3 days away from being 21 Adulthood here I come

Procrastination. . .how I love thee, but soon to hate thee. Impending doom is soon to come because I am too lazy to get things done when I don't have a pressing deadline. I've been having a lot of fun in the mean time though. Almost done. About to move to the next stage of my life. Little scary, but very exciting. We'll see

Another school year is almost over. I find myself getting sad again. More of my friends are leaving and I am excited for them, but sad for me. There are many things that I am looking forward to- going to Chicago, living with Anne, going to London. . . but it all seems bittersweet. Why do I have to let go of the things I have now to have new things? I'm selfish and don't want to let go of anyone. I don't understand how other people say goodbye and move on so easily. I have never been a person who gives up on a relationship. I am always the one who keeps calling, keeps trying. I've been living in the past for too long and need to learn to get more excited about the future. A toast to tomorrow

I love spring

Today I don't feel like I know my friends. Or, I don't feel like any of them know me. I think it is because I often try to spare my friends' feelings so much that I hide the real me. I feel like I cant be honest with them. This is something that is really hard for me because I like being honest, I like being straight-forward and I like telling people what I really think. But I think it has been backfiring on me lately. People are so sensitive. I don't know if anyone will ever really understand me I need to stop looking to other people to make me happy

Spring Break-my 1st actual break. I've been doing nothing. Well, I've started a few things, but basically I've been doing nothing...and it is wonderful. I got to hang out with Courtney the other day and to see Gina. It's good to see her. Kind of a reality check though- how much people change. Not always for the better. I still love Gina, but sometimes I wish people would better evaluate their decisions. I know that people just do what is 'normal' I guess its just hard when I'm not normal, I choose to be abnormal. I'm glad that I have several other friends who have made the same choice. I wish more of them would

So I ended up with 5 interviews. All went well I think. No major mess-ups; except I almost fell over at one of them. Oops, stupid heels. Now I'm back and I think I just failed a test this morning. I guess that's what happens when you don't have time to study. Another test tomorrow, haven't started studying yet. Again-no time. So I guess I better get to it

a,b,c. . easy as 1,2,3 3, count em, 3 interviews

I'm accomplishing things for once, and its the weekend! Who knew I still had some motivation left in me? I have to get as much done as I can though, cause I need to get ready for the Chicago trip! Exciting. I hope I get an interview with The Environments Group. I know, I'm getting greedy.. I already have two interviews, but I need to be hired by one of these places. It would be nice to get some place not too far from my cousin's house. I'll put my faith in God that I will end up where I am supposed to be. I went shopping today, it's ok though cause I only spent 3 bucks. 2 shirts for 3 bucks! I am the queen of bargain shopping. But I spent like 90 dollars on concert tickets, don't know if that was such a good idea. Oh well. It will be worth it I think.

I have, oh yes, another interview ;) That makes 2 official, 1 probable

YAY! I might have another interview in Chicago! Yay yay yay Why am I always alone when I get good news? Very frustrating