I don't really feel flabbergasted, it's just a really funny word! xD In a bit i think i might go and listen to music using my new speakers, they are really good and it's fun being able to fiddle with the bass. And plus it's better than these crap headphones that don't actually work that well. Oh my god. Have you ever tried Galaxy Mistletoe Kisses? I got some in my stocking at new year (second christmas) and i just tried one now, and they're really nice. The wrapper says: Three Galaxy chocolate pieces with an indulgent mousse & caramel centre. See, your mouth's watering already! Go out and buy some! Ha! I should be like a sales rep for chocolate! lol ...Now i can't think of anything else to write, so i think i'll just leave it there. Goodbye until the next time. xx

I find the map and draw a straight line Over rivers, farms, and state lines The distance from 'A' to where you'd be It's only finger-lengths that I see I touch the place where I'd find your face My fingers in creases of distant dark places I hang my coat up in the first bar There is no peace that I've found so far The laughter penetrates my silence As drunken men find flaws in science Their words mostly noises Ghosts with just voices Your words in my memory Are like music to me I'm miles from where you are, I lay down on the cold ground I, I pray that something picks me up And sets me down in your warm arms After I have travelled so far We'd set the fire to the third bar We'd share each other like an island Until exhausted, close our eyelids And dreaming, pick up from The last place we left off Your soft skin is weeping A joy you can't keep in I'm miles from where you are, I lay down on the cold ground And I, I pray that something picks me up And sets me down in your warm arms I'm miles from where you are, I lay down on the cold ground And I, I pray that something picks me up And sets me down in your warm arms.

Wow, my last post was almost a month ago. Hm. Anyway, it's strange I've noticed lately that I'm happier in myself, I'm feeling a lot better than I used to. I remember at the start of the school year I felt myself slipping into depression again and I didn't like the feeling because I didn't feel like I could do anything about it. When I was depressed before I got out of it because I started spending more time with Laura again and she pulled me out of it. I don't know if she knew that she was or if she was trying to, but she did. And I'm grateful for that. This time around I think I pulled myself out of it, I think that I was the only one that could've this time. Because I think I started getting depressed again because I would always hide my feelings, I wouldn't say what I was thinking or how I was really feeling. But at some point I did, it was like I woke up, or like my head had broken the surface and I wasn't drowning anymore. I started being myself a bit more. And I think what also helped was shouting back at my mum, I would always just listen as she had a go at me and just think of what I'd like to say back but I'd never say it, I'd never tell her that what she was saying was idiotic. And so when I did I felt better because I wasn't holding it in anymore. And believe it or not I think she respected me more for it and I respected myself more for it. So I think that's where it started really, that's how I started pulling myself out of that dark place. And last night I was at a restaurant with my dad and his girlfriend, Margaret, and I was having a good time and we were just having a laugh talking about anything and after awhile I realised that I hadn't stopped smiling all night. I just all of a sudden realised that I was actually happy, that I had been for quite a long time, and it felt good. I mean I'm sure I'll still have moments where I'll wish I could just hide under the covers and forget about everything and everyone. But they probably won't last long and I'll just think to myself get a grip shanna, it's nothing to get upset about, and just tell myself I'm being an idiot. So, yeah I'm feeling better. And I like it.

I snapped! My mum was having a go at me. It was the usual stuff about how i don't care about her and how i take her for granted, and and then she was saying that since i didn't care she wouldn't care about me. And then as i was goong through the door (i was going to my dad's) i said good bye, then she came out and saw that i was starting to cry and so went outside to tell my dad to ignore the tears, that they were to get attention from him. So i snapped and shouted at her, i mean i was just correcting her. Lol. I was in shock for most of the car ride but then i was just like wow, did i need that? Hahaha i feel good now. I mean there is sooo much more i could have said but hey, whatever. xD

Laura got me to do this which is cool. She's a very scary person :P She makes me fucking sick to my stomach! Lol, just kidding Fernando my love! Just typing a load of random shite, but hey who really cares? It's a free country. My phone has now decided to go spacca! Grr! Laura is going to pwn Robin, strange being! I think I'll leave it at that for now, don't know what else to say really, so... Tara as posh beings say! xD