Wow, my last post was almost a month ago. Hm. Anyway, it's strange I've noticed lately that I'm happier in myself, I'm feeling a lot better than I used to. I remember at the start of the school year I felt myself slipping into depression again and I didn't like the feeling because I didn't feel like I could do anything about it. When I was depressed before I got out of it because I started spending more time with Laura again and she pulled me out of it. I don't know if she knew that she was or if she was trying to, but she did. And I'm grateful for that. This time around I think I pulled myself out of it, I think that I was the only one that could've this time. Because I think I started getting depressed again because I would always hide my feelings, I wouldn't say what I was thinking or how I was really feeling. But at some point I did, it was like I woke up, or like my head had broken the surface and I wasn't drowning anymore. I started being myself a bit more. And I think what also helped was shouting back at my mum, I would always just listen as she had a go at me and just think of what I'd like to say back but I'd never say it, I'd never tell her that what she was saying was idiotic. And so when I did I felt better because I wasn't holding it in anymore. And believe it or not I think she respected me more for it and I respected myself more for it. So I think that's where it started really, that's how I started pulling myself out of that dark place. And last night I was at a restaurant with my dad and his girlfriend, Margaret, and I was having a good time and we were just having a laugh talking about anything and after awhile I realised that I hadn't stopped smiling all night. I just all of a sudden realised that I was actually happy, that I had been for quite a long time, and it felt good. I mean I'm sure I'll still have moments where I'll wish I could just hide under the covers and forget about everything and everyone. But they probably won't last long and I'll just think to myself get a grip shanna, it's nothing to get upset about, and just tell myself I'm being an idiot. So, yeah I'm feeling better. And I like it.