I've been thinking today, thinking about my life and what I'm doing with it. Thinking about the meaning of life. Thinking about the answer to life, the universe, and everything... which, of course, is 42. Life isn't supposed to make sense. We as humans aren't supposed to understand it all. Our brains, though complex, are still too simple to comprehend and make sense of everything that happens in our lives. And yet... I think it is possible for someone to go to school, stay drug-free, go to college, get a career, have a family, and die, yet still accomplish absolutely nothing in their life. I think I'm walking that path. Maybe I'm uninspired. Bored, perhaps. Maybe I just don't have anything that's really worth holding onto. Or maybe I'm just heartless. But it doesn't matter why; the fact still remains that I have no calling, no drive, no sense of purpose. I do things I want to do, but they waste time. I do things that might be productive, but my heart's just not in them. ...And then there are the things I wish I had a reason to do. But I don't. No matter where I turn, nothing seems to matter. And that's just my problem. I want to do something that has meaning. Something worthwhile. Something that results in me being a better person. It's okay to waste time. It's okay to do something simply because you can. But I still need something, anything, just one thing that has a purpose. Is that too much to ask for? How do you find a purpose? How do you find inspiration? I've heard it said that whatever makes us happy is enough. I'm not so sure though. I think that it also has to do with what you hate. What makes you afraid. What you'd give anything to be without. Just because you're running toward something doesn't mean you've left other things behind. You can't just reach for the good. You have to push away the bad as well. The scary part is when you go to push away the bad and find you have nothing left. When nothing makes you happy, you know you've got a problem. Welcome to my world. You love me, but you don't know who I am...