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A Virgin's Nightmare: A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. * * * * * * * * * Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. * * * * * * * * * At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. * * * * * * * * * That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" * * * * * * * * * The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. * * * * * * * * * A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. * * * * * * * * * 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. * * * * * * * * * Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." * * * * * * * * The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist." * * * * * * * * * If you DON'T re-post this in 1 minute you will have bad sex for life!!! &while i'm at it. Because u opened this, u will get kissed on friday by the person u luv!! & 2morrow will be da best day of ur life, so DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN!!!!!! IF U BREAK IT, U WILL HAVE RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS FOR THE NEXT TEN YEARS!!!!!!!! Repost this as A Virgin's Nightmare

From www.mugglenet.com WARNING! The following parody is incredibly obscene and should not be read by children or those weak of mind. Or anybody else, for that matter. Enjoy! Harry Potter and the Urges of Firey Goblets by Greg Porter (also featured on MugglePride.com) Tea Kettle: Tinka Blinka, click click click, fwooshfire. Frank Bryce: *sees light in Riddle House* Damn children… Kettle: fwooshdoom! Frank: Huh? Kettle: FWOOSH! Frank: Oh, okay. Damn kids. *walks up to Riddle House and sees big, scary clearly-not-from-fire blue light upstairs* Nagini: Sssth, hashaasheeheth, cha cha cha cha cha. Voldemort: Hasha, cha cha cha cha cha? Wormtail, kill the house attendant outside the door. Wormtail: Grr, gaze into my evil MOLE of DOOM! MOLE! Cha cha! Frank: AHH, IT BURNSSS! Voldemort: Agh, you idiot! *turns towards Frank* ABRAKADAMMIT! *green flash* *Frank dies* Harry: *Awakens* Ahh! Snakes, moles, ugly baby! Hermione: Harry, you were just having a bad dream. Harry: … What the hell, how long have you been sitting on my bed? Hermione: Only a few hours.. Say, Harry, do you ever get urges? Harry: Dude, do you have any idea how many people ask me that in a day? Hermione: Ron, wake up! Ron: *mumbling* but I don't see why we should split the bill evenly, I just got soup. Hermione: WAKE UP! Ron: Rah, cha cha. Where are we going? Harry: Mr. Weasley, just WHERE are we going? Mr. Weasley: To and old smelly boot, of course. We must ride it to the World Cup. Harry: won't that smell aweful? Ginny: Dumbass Fred: Idiot, gosh. George: Harry, do you get urges? Harry: ... Mr. Weasley: Look, there's Amos Diggory, and his son, Cedric. Amos: I invented pants. And cookies, Amos Cookies. Cedric: No you didn't… Amos: I also invented the internet. And pants. Mr. Weasley: What the hell is a cookie? Hermione: Look, an old dilapidated boot! Let's go feel it, rub it, squeeze it, and call it George. Ron: LET'S DO IT! Harry: Yeah! Ginny: Yeah! Fred and George: Yeah! Amos and Arthur: Yeah! Cedric: … my grand slam was supposed to come with sausage. *all grab boot* Boot: You may not think I'm pretty, but don't judge on what you see… Harry: man, wrong prop. Boot: Oh… the sorting hat is my brother, you know. Arthur: Don't care, fling us up into the air, grab our bowels, and shoot us off to the middle of a wizard-infested camp ground! Boot: Harry, do you get urges? Harry: no… Boot: oh, dammit. *flies into the air with the group handing on to it.* Do you have any idea how uncomfortable this is for me? *all people fall off* Harry: OMG, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEE! Hermione: Harry, about those urges… Ron: FORGET THE DAMN URGES, I AM GONNA DIE A VIRGIN! *all fall on ground* Harry: Ron, what are you talking about? Remember that one fan fiction on the same sex pairings section of MNFF we were in? Eh, eh, remember? You got pregnant, eh, eh? Hermione: Dudes, look at all the groovy people with the tents and the colors and the stuff! Arthur: let's go to the tent, shall we? In the middle of the camp grounds is the most pathetic tent you've ever seen. It is five feet square. Harry: how the bloody duck are we fitting in there? Arthur: *winks at Harry* We'll manage. *all pile into tent, save for Harry. After everyone gets in Harry goes through the curtain and sees that the tent is indeed five feet square with six full-grown wizards back-to-back.* Harry: Yeah, I think I'll sleep outside. Gah, use magic, bitches. Arthur: STFU, Harry. Anyway, not a moment to waste, we need to get to the Quidditch Game! It's only a minute long, you know. Harry: Ahh, dammit. Come on, it would only take five minutes to do. Arthur: Now, Harry, I don't make the rules. You can blame that on Mike Newell. Harry: What a slut! Announcer: and introducing Viktor Krum! Krum: *waves* Haha, and world peace! *match ends, screaming in the distance* Ron: Heh, sounds like another Irish woman is giving birth. Arthur: Wait, that isn't an Irish woman… it is the distinct sound of EVIL! Ron: isn't that what I said? Arthur: everyone, get out of the tent before it explodes! Harry: OMG, ANARCHY! DUDE, someone trampled me and I have passed out. Soooo not cool. Barty Crouch Jr.: MandiMooresdor! Harry: Wicked… Ron: Harry! Hermione: Harry! Ron: Harry, don't die! You never answered the question about your urges! Harry: I'm fine, luckily this dead, homeless muggle broke my fall. Hermione: That's fortunate. *from all directions* RED WOOSH, BLUE WOOSH, OMG WOOSH! Arthur: Don't kill the red-headed one, he's my son! Take the scarred one and the one with the hair-that-should-totally-be-frizzy-but-isn't! Barty Crouch: Which one of you conjured it? Eh, EH? You, boy, with the urges! Harry: Dammit, I thought I was concealing them pretty well. Arthur: Barty, think logically… Harry couldn't have done it, he's Harry Potter! It would be like Hitler wearing a peace sign across his chest. It must've been Hermione. MoM Wizard: SHE'S A WITCH! WITCH, WITCH, BURN HER! Hermione: Technically, you're a witch too… MoM Wizard: No… NO, SHE LIES! I am a good conservative catholic! Really, I am! Barty: Oh.. burn him… Harry: Dude, it totally wasn't Hermione. It was some guy. And what is this conjured thing you speak of Hermione: Harry? Harry? See the big skull in the sky with the snake slithering out of it? Yeah, that's the dark mark. Harry: Do you mean to say, that that mark, the one conjured by the random creepy guy, is up in the sky with a snake slithering out of its mouth? Hermione: … Harry: Which must mean… TO THE BATMOBILE! Ron: No, it's You-Know-Who's SIGN. Harry: I know! It's Voldemort's SIGN! Ron: NO… WAY… *Hogwarts Theme Music – train whistle* MadamLadyOFood: Anything off the trolly? Ron: Yeah, I'll have two dozen chocolate frogs, four pumpkin pasties *sniggers, haha, pasties*, eight cauldron cakes, three vats of pumpkin juice, and a cockroach cluster. *digs into pockets*… Oh, I guess I'll just have a pumpkin pasty *HAHAHAHA, PASTY!* Harry: I'll have what he said, but I'll actually have it, and I'll have double. MadamLadyOFood: Alright, that will be 11932 galleons, please. Harry: WTF!? MadamLadyOFood: Hey, the cost of gas for this train is expensive! Cho: I'll have a pumpkin pasty. Harry: *sniggers* Pasty… Whoa, you're eyes are so pretty. Cho: Harry, your epidermis is showing! Harry: OMG, WHERE?! Oh.. bitch. At Hogwarts Harry: Look, a flying carriage! Hermione: Look, a ship in the lake… Coming from UNDER the water.. NO… WAY… Ron: I got a rock. Dumbledore: So, yeah foo's, I was all “GET OUTTA MY GRILL FOO, and he was all “gimme a sumtin sumtin”. And now it is my pleasure to introduce the lovely ladies of Box-Buttons! *fluttery sounds, dancing, combined erection of all males in Hogwarts* Hermione: *looks at Ron's pants* That is SO disgusting! Ron: Ya think so? I'll show you mine if you show me yours, Harry. Harry: I don't have a dark mark, Ron. Ron: I know. Dumbledore: And now the proud sons of Durm-strangle. Girls in great hall: is it just me or is every one of the Durmstrangle people REALLY ugly? Hermione: Krum is such a whore. Look at him and his chisled abs, his sculpted chin, and that tight ass. Dumbledore: So, foos, Barty was all, “You shall be playing host to the Tri-Wizard Tournament this year”, so I was all, “Yeah, let's DO IT!” Krum enters into competition Fleur enters Cedric enters Harry doesn't.. Dumbledore: And from Boxbuttons.. Fleur Delacore! And from Durmstrangle: Viktor Krum (dude, did anyone else realize that nobody else from Durmstrangle entered? And from Hogwarts… CEDRIC DIGGORY! Cedric: NO… WAY… Harry, do you get urges? Dumbledore: and that concludes the… OMG, THE GOBLET IS ON FIRE! *catches random name* HARRY POTTER! Harry: if they can't see you, you're invisible, like a duck, or a penguin, or a frog, or a Dumbledore: HARRY POTTER, GET YO NARRAW ASS UP HERE! Harry: … shit Students: cheater, traitor, liar, slut, bitch, WHORE! *Harry goes into inauspicious room of doom* Dumbledore: Harry, how did you do it?! Did you put your name in the cup?! Harry: Uh.. no. Madam Maxime: Of course he did, the dirty little wanker. Harry: Dude… you are so… robust. Maxime: Harry, do you get urges? Ron: So, it turns out that you have to do this even though you're gonna die? Harry: Yeah… Ron: I hate you! I hate you and you should die! DIE! Harry: … Rita Skeeter: How much does it suck to be in a tournament where it is almost certain that you will die, Harry? Harry: can you tell me again why we're in a broom closet? Rita: So, it's tough knowing that your imminent doom approaches with the first task of this tournament? Harry: when did I say anything about – Rita: well, that concludes this photo shoot Harry: are you even listening to me Rita: How precious, he craves attention. Harry: *looks at quick quotes quill* I do not look up to you with great admiration and suffer from urges! Roo roo, evil classroom of doo doo, roo roo doom, Madeye Madeye: Haha, teehee, there are three kinds of unforgivable curses. What are they? Miss Granger. Hermione: Imperius, Death Curse, and Crucio. Madeye: Yes, and why are they called that, Neville? Neville: Uh… because they're unforgivable? Madeye: Exactly, ten points to Gryffindor! Now, let's manipulate and cause emotional trauma to some cave spiders, shall we? Neville: AHH, NO, OH ME GA… Momma? Papa? Fans: that is in such bad taste… Greg: Yeah, well… SHUT UP! Hermione: Seamus told me to tell you that Ron said that Dobby was looking for you so he could tell you that you need to go see Parvati right away so she can tell you about what Dean wants to tell you about Hagrid needing to see you. Harry:… Well, tell Ron.. Hermione: BITCH, I'M NOT YOUR MIDDLE BITCH! Harry: *turns to Neville who is knee-deep in poop* Women. Can't live with ‘em, can't turn them into flaming piles of Neville: gillyweed? Harry: Uh… I was gonna say shit, but okay. Harry: Hey Hagrid, you needed me? Hagrid: Yeah, follow me. And put on the invisibility cloak. Harry: Hagrid… you smell like dead fish and your hair looks aweful… Are you going on a date? Hagrid: STFU, look, dragons. Harry: The first task is DRAGONS?! Hagrid: Yep.. Look, they like eachother! *dragons try to scorch eachother* Harry: How… cute? Hagrid: Ahh, they're hugging! Harry: Hey, Cedric, the first task is dragons Cedric: That totally sucks. Harry: Yes Cedric: Indeed. Harry: Shallow. Cedric: and pedantic. Harry: Yes Madeye: if you summon it, it will come. Harry: Mr. Moody, that is NOT the way you talk to students. Madeye: I'm talking about your broom. Harry: GROSS! Madeye: BROOMSTICK! Harry: EWW, OLD MAN GAY! Madeye: Quidditch Harry: QUEERDITCH, DID I HEAR? Madeye: Harry, just summon the broom to get away from the dragon. Harry: Oh, okay. Dragon: Harry, I am so gonna kill you. Harry: Nuh uh, sister, I kill YOU! Dragon: *breaks loose* Harry: *summons broom* Dragon and Harry: *fly around castle* Harry: *falls* Dragon: WHOOSH Tea Kettle: WHOOSH Dragon: Harry, do you get urges? Harry: NO *maneuvers and dragon dies* Yay! Harry: *gets golden egg* Harry in common room: DO YOU WANT ME TO OPEN IT?! Common room: YEAH! DO IT! Harry: *opens egg* Cyndi Lauper: Maybe he'll know I'm not so sure maybe he'll know, well maybe he'll be my cure Collected voice of common room: CLOSE IT! Ron: what the bloody sex was that? Harry: what, you talking to me now? Ron: apparently Harry: cool Random kid: Mr. Weasley, you have a package. Ron: Oh, thank you, Nebakenezer. Wait, why didn't an owl deliver this. Nebakenezer: I'm a producer's son. Ron: ahh… *opens box* OMG, MY DRESS ROBES CAME IN! Nebakenezer: *oggles* Ron: Away with you, ya grubby little wanker. Harry: OOH, lemme see. Ron: *pulls out frilly pink dress robes* Harry: Man, they accent your manly eyes. Hermione: Yeah, they go especially well with your Aunt Mildred. Ginny: Burn! Ron: Yeah, well… You're ugly! Hermione: Hah, you won't be thinking that when you see my cleavage later on in the movie. Ron: Huh? Hermione: Oh, nothing… McGonagall: Welcome to dance classes for the Yule Ball. Everyone, line up against the wall and watch Ron dance with me. Ron, place your left hand upon my right butt cheek . Ron: WHERE?! McGonagall: JUST DO IT! Ron: *places hand reluctantly* McGonagall: Yeah, that's the stuff. Ron: Dude, we need dates. Harry: No kidding. Ron: Hey, Hermione, you have breasts.. Hermione: NO… WAY… Ron: Wongobawime? I mean, if I show up alone, who cares.. but if you do? You'll look like suck an unwanted whore. Hermione: No, I am already going, thank you very much! *storms off* Ron: …Bitch… Harry: Hey, Cho. Cho: Hello, Harry Harry: Well, umm.. I know this isn't the best place to talk, seeing that it's covered in 9593 years worth of bird feces, but… I was wondering if you wongobawime? Cho: Oh, I'm sorry, Harry, I'm already wongobawimating with someone else. Harry: Oh… who? Cho: Your mother! Harry: … Cho: Say, Harry, do you get urges? Harry: Not anymore, bitch. Ron: Dude, I still haven't been able to get a date. Harry: Yeah, same here. Every time I ask a girl out to the ball she asks if I get urges… Ron: Harry, do you get- Harry: Stop… now. Parvati and Padma: ‘ello, Harry. Harry: Hi *thought pops up* what a sweet ass. Parvati: Ooh, Padma: thanks! Harry: Wongobawime and Ron? Padma: That sounds Parvati: Dashing! *both walk away* Ron: Damn, they're creepy. Harry: Well, do you want to get laid or not? They are practically the biggest sluts in Hogwarts. Ron: Good point. Harry: Arrives at ball. Ron: What the hell, you just said that out loud. It's supposed to be in asterisks. Harry: *Oh yeah* Ron: What, are you dyslexic or something? McGonagall: Harry, you have to dance first with your partner. Harry: Uh… McGonagall: Didn't I tell you that? Harry: No… McGonagall: Oh.. well.. TOUGH SHIT! Parvati: It's okay, Harry, you can do it! *Hermione walks down steps* Padma: I am so hot for Hermione right now. Ron: Me too Padma: TOTALLY! Viktor Krum: Turbohiney, take my hand. Hermione: It's Her-My-Oh-Knee. Hermione. Krum: Come, Turbohiney, we dance. *four champions and their partners get on the dance floor* Parvati: Harry, grab my ass! Harry: Oh yeah. *music starts playing* Parvati: Harry, you broke my toe! Harry: Oh, sorry, I was too busy staring at Hermione's boobs. *hard rock starts playing* Band guy: If I dance tonight, take my hippogriffin tonight. Oh yeah, tonight. Hogwarts girls: YEAH, OMG, YEAH, I WANT MY SPRINGER BEADS! *Dance ends* Parvati: Are you going to dance with me or not? Harry: No… Durmstrangle guy: May I take your hand? Padma: Take my leg, head, elbow… ANYTHING. Durmstrangle guy: *pulls out large knife* Padma: I thought you wanted to dance! Durmstrangle guy: No, I'm just hungry. Ron: *mutters something about Hermione* Harry: … Hermione: I am so gonna kill you. Ron: AHH, DON'T KILL ME! Hermione: DIE! Ron: YOUR BOOBS ARE NICE! Hermione: Oh, okay then. Fans: Is this turning into a porno? Hermione: Harry, the task is in two days and you haven't even tried to work out the egg's clue?! Harry: I forgot… Hermione: Holy shit, you're gonna die… YOU'RE GONNA DIE! Harry: Thanks, I can always count on you to make me feel better. Cedric: Hey, Harry, go take a bath. Harry: Are you implying that I smell bad?! Cedric: Well, no, but now that you mention it… you haven't washed yourself in the books… ever… Harry: Good point. Cedric: Seventh floor, Prefect's bathroom, tickle the pear. Harry: Got it. Cedric: ...and take your egg. Harry: … Cedric: Just do it. Harry: *gets to seventh floor, tickles the pear* Pear: Teehee, you tickled me. Door: *opens* creakyeakycreaky Bath: *gurgles* Myrtle: *Myrtles* Harry: *uh... hurtles?* Mermaid: *Mermaidles* Harry: *turns on bubbles* Hey, Myrtle, go away.. you are so creepy. Myrtle: Stick your egg under the water. Harry: I um.. plan to. Myrtle: No, the gold one Harry: I think I said that *winks* Myrtle: the dragon egg! Harry: I don't mean to boast, but, hehehe. Myrtle: Dude, the one that you stole from the dragon in the tournament. Harry: Yeah, that's the one I was talking about… Myrtle: Oh, I thought you were releasing your pent-up sexual desires on me. Harry: *opens egg above water* Cyndi Lauper: When the working day is done girls - they want to have fun oh girls just want to have fun Myrtle: AHH, KILL ME AGAIN! Put it under the water! Harry: *puts egg under water* Egg: Oh, you may not think I'm pretty… Harry: Agh, this happens too much with the talking props. Egg: oh, right… Seek us where are voices do not suck, where we cannot drive a truck. We've taken something that you love, and I don't think that it's a glove. Harry: … shit. Hermione: So, you just have to breathe under water for about two hours.. So what, you can hold your breath. Harry: Erm… no? Ron: Maybe you could get a REALLY big straw.. Madeye: Ron, Hermione… go jump in the lake. Hermione: But Harry… Madeye: You leave Harry to me! Ron: *whispers to Harry* If he hits on you, kick him in the nuts! *Ron and Hermione Leave* *Neville enters* *Madeye leaves* Harry: Wtf… Neville, do you know how to make me breath under water for two hours? Neville: Just eat some okra. Harry: That seems a bit too easy. Neville: Well, you'll have to eat a LOT of okra… Dumbledore: so yeah, you foos have do go find sumtin cool in the water and come out wit if first. First to come out alive doesn't suck. And off you go! Harry: *shoves okra down his throat* People: *laugh* Harry: *dives into water* Crowd: Haha! He's gonna die! Harry: OH ME GEE, NO BREATHE.. Oh wait, I have fins, gills, and a.. TAIL.. Wait, I had that before… I can stay under here forever! Neville: Oh my God.. I've murdered Harry Potter by accident. Harry: *flips out of water into air* I'm the king of the world! And I don't even need a hippogriff this time! *dives into water* Weeds: Haha, I tangle in you. Water: Haha, I go in through your neck flaps Mer-People: We are so incredibly ugly :( Harry: *sees four people totally made out of wax attached to poles in the water.* Okay, why is Ron the thing I treasure most? Merman: I dunno… Cedric: I have a big head.. BIG HEAD! Fleur: My bubble popped.. SHIT! Krum: I am going to EAT YOU! Haha, just kidding, I cut rope with head and take Turboninja. Harry: I want Ron and random blond Veela. Merman: NO Harry: I kill thee! *takes Ron and Veela up to surface* Dumbledore: Because Fleur sucks and Krum cut Hermione's foot off while saving her, Harry Potter gets second place for Moral Fiber! Harry: Effing sweet. Hermione: Harry, I'm scared for you… the third task is in an hour! Harry: what is with you and always pointing out the obvious? Hermione: *hugs Harry* Rita Skeeter: aww, young love. Fans: Uh.. wasn't this supposed to happen two tasks ago. Greg: … no… Dumbledore: Dude, the third task is a maze? What a freakin' rip! How is it harder to get through a maze than to kill a dragon? *Madeye whispers something to Dumbledore* Dumbledore: Oh, carnivorous bushes, right… Well, Harry and Cedric go first because they are from Hogwarts, and I am just good like that. Second goes Viktor Krum, and third goes Fleur Delacore, because she SUCKS! *bushes start whispering obscenities* Madeye: You get em, Tiger. Harry: Yeah… *walks into maze to instantly be confronted by a mysteriously closing bush* … shit. *starts running* Bushes: Come to us Harry, we love you, we want to help you, we want to KILL you. Harry: I swear something just like this happened to me in my second year… Bushes: WHOOSH! Harry: OMG, BALLISTIC BUSHES! Bushes: I EAT YOU! Harry: Nuh uh, bitch, I eat you! *grabs out fork and salad dressing* I MAKE SALAD OF YOU! Bushes: …Shit… Other thing, not bushes: Come to me Harry, I will help you get the cup. Harry: No, I will make salad of you too! Other thing: I am made of mist, not vegetables. Harry: Garden-fresh spritz! Fleur: AHH, RAH RAH SNABBLE AHHH! *high pitched scream* Harry: Oh no, Fleur screaming… I'll save you! Krum: My eyes are glazed over, I am clearly possessed. I SHALL EAT YOU! Harry: Oh no! Krum all ballistic, cannibalistic, crazyazy! Cedric: *confundalates Krum* Oh, the dramarama. Harry: Crazyazy Cedric: Snabbleabble. Harry: Okay, enough of that. Cedric: Right. *in the distance: the cup, omg the cup* Harry: I fight you to it! Cedric: GRR! *elbows Harry in left eyeball* Vines: Haha, not if I trip you. *grabs Cedric* Cedric: Harry, I know I was just trying to kill you, but SAVE ME! Harry: Hmm… I dunno… Vines: You don't want to save him, I want to eat him. Harry: No, vines, I eat you like salad! *grabs out fork and salad dressing* Vines: …Shit… Cedric: Dammit, Harry, you eat salad like a mad man! Harry: Well, how do you think I maintain this figure? Cedric: Look, the cup! Harry: We'll take it at the same time. Cedric: Okay… one – two- THREE *both grab cup* Cup: Haha, I'm a portkey… Bet you didn't see that one coming! Harry: Hmm.. we're in a grave hard and my scar hurts… interesting. Cedric: Wow… this is cool! Wormtail: ABRAKADAMMIT! Cedric: *dead* Harry: In the words of Darth Vader, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Wormtail: Bone of father, taken from creepy graveyard, foot of servant taken willingly, blood of enemy taken unwillingly. *chops own foot* AHH.. AHHH! WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME THIS WOULD HURT SO BAD?! AHHH! *hobbles over to Harry, not crying anymore because chopped off appendages feel fine three seconds after choppage… everyone knows that* Wormtail: *slice* Harry: *sliced* Ouch man, so not cool. Voldemort from inside rags: come here and plop me into the cauldron. Wormtail: *plop* Voldemort: *grows, deforms, and changes into a dude with no nose* OMG, I can do the moonwalk now! Harry: ahh, scar burns, AHH! Voldemort: fight me Harry, with all of my magically appearing death eaters around me! Harry: ANTONIOBANDERAS! Voldemort: ABRAKADAMMIT! *wands meet, entities fly out of Voldemort's wand* James Potter: Harry, go to the cup Lily Potter: Yeah, do it Frank: My grand slam was supposed to come with sausage.. Where the hell is my tea? Am I dead? Cedric: take my back to my father… he invented pants Harry: okay *discontinues cool spelly thing and runs to cup with the corpse of Cedric with him* Portkey: Haha, poof I go, back to Hogwarts Voldemort: Harry, do you get urges?! Crowd: WHOO, THEY'RE BACK! Dumbledore: Oh, superfluous penguins, this can't be good. Harry: *sob* I am so effing bad at crying *sob* HE'S BACK! Dumbledore: Who's back?! Harry: VOLDEMORT! Crowd: Oh shit… Amos Diggory: MY SON! MY SON IS DEAD! Fans: Is there any way possible to make that funny? Greg: Nope... Really, I tried and it had more bad taste than this entire parody altogether. Madeye: Harry, come with me. Harry: Uh… no? Madeye: Do it or I'll kill you. Harry: Oh, okay. *in Madeye's office* Madeye: What did Voldemort smell like? Did you taste him, what did he taste like? I NEED TO KNOW! Harry: Uh… like strawberries and garlic chicken… for both of your question. Madeye's face: Gurgle gurgle Madeye: Shit… Dumbledore: *breaks into office* I so kill you. Madeye/Barty Jr.: haha, Look, man, I'll show you mine if you show me yours. Dumbledore: … Barty Jr.: *lifts up sleeve to reveal mark* Dumbledore: Oh, thank God.. Say, Harry… do you get urges? Harry: … THE END

I have hearby claimed my diary now officially the diary of the potter puppet pals (especially Ron and Voldie, but dont worry i'll still be the one writing in it)anyone who wishes to hear further about the great adventures of the puppets Harry, Ron, Hermione, Snape, Dumbledore and Voldie should visit www.potterpuppetpals.com (i suggest u go there its hysterical)there you can view two videos of the potter puppet pals, watch some guy crash on his broomstick, and even see the all new sexy snape music video (im too sexy...)!!! So visit today! PS: bother!

Dear ppls, sry i havent been on in a while i been kinda busy! so whats up peeps? I redid my bckgorund by the way! Like it? ~shimmer PS: some evil guy with a hood and red eyes walked up to me yesterdday and told me to advertise this message on the interenet or elses so here it is: wait for it... JOIN THE DARK SIDE OR ELSE!!! (PLUS WE ALSO OFFER AUTO INSURENCE AND COOKIES AND LEMONADE AT OUR MEETINGS!) Im joining! cookies r goooooooooooooood!

Im gonna redo my background soon. Ne way I am over andrew. There is kinda some1 else who i think likes me and i kinda like him. Andrew was wit another chic at the dance. But I am still confused. I like andrew as a friend Love, Olivia

Today i am gonna go ice skating! o yea, i think i will change my layout what do u think? Last night i aslo went to the mivies and saw narnia (kinda late but o well) Well i wont be on 4 a while my evil mom grounded me lol

This entry is dedecated in loving memory of Skippington Charles Farmsworth 3 Skippy died last night. His food bowl feel on him and broke his leg. About 4 or 5 hours later he died. I really miss him. I even cried at school. Last night after he died, though, a penny appeared on the floor of the laundry closet. Mom says it was a penny from him in heaven. I decided 2 write some words in my diary: Skippy was a wondreful friend. He was always there to cheer us up and bring joy into our lives. He loved us and we loved him. Well he was on earth he did more than enough for us. He truly was a part of the family. Skippy the blue jay, March/April 2005-Jan 4 2006

I hope every1 had Happy Holidays!!!! For Christmas I got some nice clothes, books and a cd player! And I got all that twitching out of my system...(twitching to open presents that is) Chrismas is gone for another year...*sigh*

well i didn wright this before but i gonna dump my bf as soon as he gets back on runescape and there is this other guy who wants to be my bf but only in the game not in real life wich means i can be wit andrew and i wrote him a luv letter today but he didnt get it and today i got out of school early cuz my mom had to work and wasnt gonna be able 2 pick us up cuz it is a 1/2 day. anyway if i dont go obn between now and christmas i wanna wish u all: MERRY CHRISTMAS! FELIZ NAVIDAD! HAPPY HANUKA(sp)! JOYFUL KWANZA! ect ect u get the point

I think somother dude on runescape likes me and i liked him better than the other dude but i said we could be friends. Anyway theres only 5 days till xmas an i cant wait. we r decorating the tree 2day. well thats all folks!

OMGOMGOMG PINCH ME I MUST BE DREAMING!!! at first i thought i was.turns out i wasnt. yesterday was the best day of my life. my dream came true. ya see after my little cusins first bday party my mom brought us 2 a xmas party that was at her friends horse farrm. her friend had 2 horses 4 lease or sale. my mom told me she might lease this horse named eclipse, but we found that he had a temper problem. so after eating i go talk 2 mom abouyt somin that i cant remember what right but anyway then i get the news. SHE LEASED A HORSE 4 ME!!!!!!!!!!!! and im like OMG AND I WAS CRYING TEARS OF JOY! so here's all about my new horse!!! Name:Tigger Color: brown w/ strawberry roan like color on back and face Age: young I JUST CANT BELIEVE IT! THAT WAS THE BEST XMAS PRESENT EVA!!!

OMG some dude on runescape asked me 2 be his gf and said he was my age an he kept saying plz and then i got pressured and said ok but were not official and what about andrew. plus i dont think internet rrelationships work good well We'll just see and oh yeah the sleep over was great!!!g2g

does anyone here play runescape?tell me!

Todya we had a 90 minute delay due 2 ice. I luv Friday!!! WE were over daddys house today and he gotses a Xmas tree!!! And we gots 2 decorate it!:)TMR im gonna go 2 Gills house and sleep ova. Tell about that lata!

If its loving that you want you should make me your girl...if its loving that you need then baby come and share my world...If its loving that you need come and take a walk with me...If its loving that you need I got it right here baby... this is what i would say to him...if i could.

..:::What type of girl are you??:::..(with pics and 15results!) brought to you by Quizilla Yep, im a rocker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah you guessed it today wsa the Xmas pageant and it went great!!! Also today I somebody told em thta Andrew Is single now that meanns I might have a chance but it might not be true I guesse Ill just haver to figureb out some more. Does anyone here play at www.runescape.com? Tell Me!

I trhink Andrew likes me... I like him... the only problem is that hes with another girl and today at school somin happened...someone banged into the fire alarm and smashed it and at first everyone htought it wsa me but later we found out it was not me and i do not no why nobody is swaying theyu did i mean if it was an accident they are not going to get in trouble...what if somerbody did it on purpose...there is this kid who would never tell anyone anything like that even i it was annaccident and he keeps trying to blame me...maybe he did it...but some peeps say he did not and have evidence so im still ondering who it is... welll anyway th exmas pageant is tmr and ill tell you about it then. TTYL

Im gonna go to a parrty today.... does everyone like my litle piggy?...? well g2g...^_^