i know i am largely responsible for the way i am currently feeling. i have undoubtedly let myself go, moreso than i would have liked to... past the point of no return (or so it feels). with tremendous difficulty, i got through the seemingly impossible. but not without consequence. i have bore the burdens of sacrificing self for our well-being. and now i bear the burden of piecing us back together. because i know i've caused some damage.

to a certain degree, i feel i've lost control of so many aspects of my life. being a control freak, that does not sit well with me. we (supposedly) knew what we were getting into. but i dont think either of us understood how bad it could get. we knew that we had to get passed this phase in order to be where we want to be. but somewhere along the path, i have lost myself. and i desperately want to be found. it has not been an easy journey, but for what its worth, i acknowledge that this is my fault. i accept responsibility and understand that i am the one who has to repair it. i am trying to be the best person i can be at all times. i just hope that's good enough.