Wednesday Just got home from the doctors, “migraine, yes, I believe that she might have a migraine that’s what’s causing these ‘visual disturbances’ go get these tablets, she must take 3 a day, 1 at midday and 2 before she goes to bed, they will make her drowsy, so if need be she can take all at night.” Bullshit, I knew very well it wasn’t a migraine. But the doctors always right “well just have a ‘trial run’” he said “take them everyday for a month or 2 and see how that goes” so I follow the quacks orders. Swallowing 2 of the sugar coated tablets before bed time. Bed time I’m feeling worse then ever. The closest to suicide I’d been for many months, occasionally twitching, my eyes wandering over to the little container holding the 97 or so tablets, wanting so much to swallow them all, but resisting my want to consume all the pills at once. I sit upright in my bed, eyes searching my room, falling upon the scissors on my bedside table, the dress making scissors across the room, and knowing very well where a few little blood stained blades were hidden in my room. My want to cause pain to myself was high, and the guilt that my mind was putting me though because I ate ½ my dinner was high, my head was telling me to through up, to starve my self, to hurt myself, to cut my self, to kill myself. I couldn’t help but listen to the voices in my mind. ‘No one cares.’ ‘There won’t be any difference.’ ‘What have you done to help them?’ ‘Nothing.’ ‘Your worthless.’ ‘You don’t even know who you are, so what point do you have?’ I lay shaking, and eventually I fell asleep, dreading the next day, not wanting to go to school, not wanting to be at home, not wanting to be around anyone, wanting to run away, but no where to run to. Everything was meaningless.