long time. Hey and guess what i've been away! many changes. now forced to take pills. but yeah. i'm not a good girl and they just get to deal with it.

La. yo quiero los drogas y refrescos... Amazing. 3 years without spanish and i am almost CERTAIN that that is correct... I feel like dying. I want mummy to go away. I want to be alone. I want to look at flashy bright things and wait for it to penetrate my mind and fuck me up more.. so confused... how to put it into words??? the pictures express it.... ... ... ... ... ... ... just... perhaps......

It never gets any better. It goes up a tiny bit and then it plummets down. I want to get fucking drunk right now. Or stoned. Either way its all good to me. hahahahhaha That's all I have for now...

Frustration. Having a hard time with some stuff. My new years did not of course start the way I really would have liked for it too. No kiss at midnight. Unkissed since November 12 but oh well I guess I can't complain. I have my friend back....its nice really... it makes me happy lately a few things have. i have a laptop and a digital camera and poser pictures that are fun and i get to go to a cemetery this weekend. too bad we can't go to wanship... sigh. i should fill out some gay survey thing saying "In 2005 i did blah blah blah" but i dont feel like it tonight.

" I w i s h I w a s n ' t m e " So lets see. whats new in my life? Teeth pulled Finally broken up with pussy boy Aleks falling victim to familiy alcoholic gene gaining addiction to painkillers and codeine cough syrup Eating mostly Ice cream.

Mondays fucking suck. THe happiness is gone. Totally completely pfttt. Nothing that I want to do> i have Chemistry I should work on... English I should work on... I'm too exhausted to do anything. I'm sick of this all. They can die.... I don't know why this still feels like a needle in my eye... I don't know why it hurt me like it did. Nothing has for a long long long long time. I still don't know whats going on with me. I wish they made novocaine for feelings....

The last 3 days have been really good. The best part about right now??? ITS SNOWING!!! I love the snow. Yesterday we watched the lights turn on and drank alot of coffee and heard Joy to the World five million fucking times... NO MORE I beg you!!!!!! Thanksgiving was good though. Lots of food. I am sore. windchapped I guess. Christmas approached in record time this year... 2001 was the last time it was this good around thanksgiving. The snow is piling up... supposed to get 4 inches. Yes. I have problems with faith righ tnow. Oh well. Enjoy the season. Do good deeds... I'll get over it.

Today was great. We went bowling and totally fucked around, which is awesome. My work wasn't hard, most people were nice, I got to just laugh and had a nice day. I made friends with people I thought were assholes too. Must add them to el myspace The URL for that btw is Http://www.myspace.com/venomeyes So yeah. Mom even MTO'd and got me nachos and picked me up from school. i went home and ate and then finally did what I've been meaning to do since I got the damn things in like September. I painted my black shirt with bright bright pink fabric paint. In a shadow outline pattern I put FROM FIRST TO ♥ LAST Even mom likes it which I find hilarious. Tomorrow is thanksgiving and will be equally as fab I hope. Annyway TTFN ta ta for now -Sarah

I have too goddamned many of these things. ah well. filled with seeming novels and endless stories. necromantic tragedies embedded in us. broken glass to avoid in it all. dragonflies in a bottle wither away. just like us. you know you want to. pins and needles into us. beaded drops of our blood. feeling its warmth beneath this ghostly outline of an illusion known as life. we can't begin to explain so simply to you. an inevitable hole. a shot to your mind. kisses cannot cure. just like us. you know... and the coffee sets in next to the treasured bloodstain. help me stay like this. justus. you know you want to. an unwritten tragedy we know the words to. you mystery holds to me i can't escape. tears collected by this twisted mind. i can't help but dream. keep it all. it's just empty here when you're with me. hidden all of your falses... impressions. ...beneath... you're just like me. just like me. pretend it was just a nightmare. i know you want to. hold me close. we'll fall away and into something. just like them. you know you want to. This bloody feeling envelops us into reddened warmth of something never known. i know... i know...