the smoke from the cigarette escapes through my window as i breathe in the toxins..

the wind won't keep the ash out.

as i breathe deeper, i inhale the smoke. breathing it in.

no matter which way i try to ash the cigarette, the ash keeps coming back in. just a little. a little speck comes flying back in through the window . there's no escaping. just something that stays and will always come back to haunt me.

the rain comes in drips and drabs, as the fresh air comes in.

yet there is still smoke, still ashes. still a little bit left over. something that will forever continue to haunt me.

the wind is refreshing but yet there is still poison in the air, poison in me .

no matter how i try to escape, it lingers...

it forver continues to linger no matter how much fresh wind , the crisp breeze tries to push it out. but yet the smoke keeps getting drawn back in.

two steps ahead, yet it is really only one.

no matter how happy you can try to be, how hard you try to escape the smoke. it gets dragged in. deeper and deeper.

a part of you breathes in the fresh air hoping, hoping to escape the toxic smoke. breathe.

to be such an honest person . truth. that's what matters, yet you still find a reason to turn the truth into a lie.

envy. pain. jealousy. despair. hope which is tortured by the lie.

lies. that which will remain, in my heart and in my soul. because a part of it died a while ago..

smoke which lingers, ash that stays in flecks and dust.

the poison still remains, yet the crisp air tries to push it out.

yet i am stil a liar and a whore.

regret which comes from the memories that still haunt me in my troublesome sleep.

a smile that is fake, that is superficial. ervything appears to be ok.

the words that stab at my heart, my honest heart to which i bear on my sleeve.

it is not normal. for someone to feel jealousy from which appears to be happiness; yet really is stil in pain.

you tell me i lie to you.. the only lie i tell you is when i say i love you. because it is not true. it is because i am in love with you and yet i can not escape, can not bear to show my true feelings because it could never happen. i push you away and yet you come back to me, yet you still hurt me with your words of angst and jealousy.

the impossible... of which lies beneath.

beneath the surface lies a still yet still beating heart. the pain remains and the smoke and the ash lingers on... the poison seeps deeper yet.

i do not wish to hurt you but which i must, to try escape the smoke and the cancer. to escape the regret of a part of me i have lost.