I thought love was meant to be beautiful, and there would be sun rays through the beautiful clouds that hung in the soft fluffy clouds amongst the azure blue sky.

Unfortunately love is dark. Love is like a storm with rain poring all day. Non-stop. With wind howling through with a sadness that resounds his name. I thought I would never know love, but I have. And love hurts. Love is when you love someone so much that you will be willing to let him go and even though there was no hope of coming back you have sometimes have to .

I had to give up at some stage, not at loving somone but knowing you can't change the way they feel about you. That you can't control other people's emotions no matter how much you give. No matter even if you give all of your best, it is impossible to make someone love you if they don 't even love themselves.

I was wrong. Love doesn't always feel good. It hurts. It tears your heart out and leaves you..empty.

It leaves you desiring that it never even happened. I thought that this time would be different. And boy It was certainly different. I have never met one so lonely, so hopeless so sad. But yet I saw the good in him. Not that only he made me smile in the most ridiculous serious situations, he had the ability to make me smile even when I was so mad at him. Even when I wanted to throw a chair at his face, he still managed to calm me down and make me laugh.

Now that was love. Love for him, not only for the way he made me feel. But for love of someone who was so broken but at the same time was so put together.

He has ambition, he has this sad sorta lonesomeless that attracts me and wants me to care...and the only problem is that I care . Too much. and he.. Too little.

I wish he saw that I loved him. That he would accept my love and let me in. That he should know he deserves to be loved and to love in return .

I can't begin to describe the hurt I am in. So much so that my whole body has shut down and not let me feel these emotions. For some pathetic reason, I have this hope that he will one day come back and let me love him. And that pray that he will love me back.

That he cares enough to be truthful, to let me in, to actually understand the depths of it all.

I should push, I should fight, But I know he is not ready for this battle. He needs time.

And am I willing to wait? Yes. Do I know I belong with him. Yes.

A thousand times I must of repeated this same bullshit. But yet, this time. I know he will somehow be a part of my life. That he will always have a piece of my heart, if not all of it with him.

That I want him to be happy, but at the same time I deserve to be happy as well.

He doesn't get why I even "like" him. It strikes me so .

I wish he could see the good I see in him. He has a good heart, he is a good person, but yet I wish he could see that within himself. I can't help him any longer, and my heart is tired of loving and has given up hope. I just hope that in time he will come back and my heart will be unbroken as fucking lame and typical as it sounds.

I need him, I want US. I miss US.

How it was so easy. The way I made him smile, the way he used to infuriate me yet make ME smile at the same time

Love isn't easy. Love isn't always beautiful. Even though as numb and empty as I feel, I stil love him and always will and hope he will come back. Soon.

I hope.