stand up if you got somethin to say
sit down unless youre gonna say it
we dont have enough time to keep our mouths closed
get up and speak your mind
sittin here feelin a whole lot of fucked up
go so much to do but its fine knowin it wont get done
i dont know if im alright, if im havin fun, just floating away
yeah im sitting here all sorts of fucked up
i dont see why i dont like it so i guess i do
borderline brain dead isnt half bad
i havent felt this way in a long while
i know im hurting when i cant even give an honest smile
no matter how private or discreet
and it sucks to know you meant enough to do this to me
you meant enough to me to make me feel so low
but you did it anyways and theres one thing i know
someone that important should never make that turn
because that 'one time' turn sent me spinning around
clinging to the next nice person trying to regain ground
trying to find something new to lean on now
yeah you hurt me pretty fucking bad
youll probably ask me if im upset or mad
well no shit im upset and fuck yeah im pissed
but i know i have to accept the truth
and the truth is this
you arent a true friend like ive always been
ive always 'had your back'
but youve forgotten to cover mine over and over again
but this time you hit dead center with your own fucking hand
i didnt know that you were such a shitty friend
you havent been helpful for a second so far and i dont think you ever will be
i guess i shouldve known but i didnt know itd be like this
with this shit i cant even win
no matter how upset or angry you are
you only have to feel fucking guilt
guilt is when you know what the fuck went wrong
guilt is when you fucking spit deceit into a good persons face
swallow it up sweetheart this stuffs hard to get out
Her eyes went dark and I stood there screaming
This couldn’t be real in this nightmare of a place
no matter how hard I wished, I still wasnt dreaming
Each time I looked down I saw her emotionless face
I panicked and people just passed me bye
Without helping the half-dead girl off the ground
they didn't look me in the eyes, they just walked by without a sound
What if she didn’t end up being alright?
What if I had to watch my friend die?
What if it were me in the middle of the exit?
Barely breathing, barely living.
What made her different than me? nothing
A few bowls then give the needle a squeeze
I guess that makes me pretty lucky
and if this is luck, imagine what could have happened instead
next drug up and we couldve ended up dead
Here’s to one fun night, it could so easily be your last.
it could end in the blink of an eye or in the second of a breath it could be over that fast
it's so much easier than you could ever guess.
Florestant street lights and burnt out hotel signs
Filled my mind with memories and my eyes with insight
And I don’t know what I felt but I felt it deep inside
It was a feeling that hurt and healed
That made things worse, that made things right
It really made no sense at all, but it was a feeling that wouldn't lie
I smelled it in the wind that still sends chills screaming up my spine
and in the heat of the night, it made me cold
The thoughts it brought and the truths it told
I watched waves crash down and my life unfold
And those street lights that I’d never seen
Brought back memories that just couldn’t be
Things just seemed so clear and clean then
and I’m breathin fine but livin sure aint easy.
This one doesn't really make sense unless you read the 3 page stoned rambling bullshit I wrote on vacation.
I kind of pieced together bits and pieces trying to describe that night sitting there... and this is as close as I feel like getting
drunken nights locked in deep discussion
makes my fears and guilt go rushing
through my veins straight to my lying heart
and it wakes me up and makes me wonder
if I'm only pushing myself further under
I've sold myself out for a few hollow friends
they don't know me now or who I've ever been
and I can sense myself slowly starting to forget
I could either open myself and let them see
or give into an endless game of make believe
I've lost every fucking ounce of sense of self and I'm only asking if it was worth it now.
you think you're living the high life
but darling, its just social suicide
you're fucking yourself over for one fucked up night.
theres no beauty in false sincerity
everything i thought i had to fall back on
was just another lie you told me
another fucking lie i couldnt see through
it hurts to know how low you went
to make me see an illusion of content
you fucking tricked me into thinking
i had something to believe in
you fucked me over because when i fell
i didnt worry,i thought youd help
i hit the ground and it hurt like hell
what i thought i had doesnt exist
best friend doesnt mean anything
just another fucking memory ill forget or miss.
ive been screaming big words
but the points choked down
'so much to say' situation
where the words just wont come out
like in a bad dream
when you cant scream
and no matter how hard you try
you cant help anything
youll only stop yelling to yell
"little girl sit back down"
didnt give a fuck how i felt
but im the only one who couldve helped
instead everything just came crashing down
jesus christ i hope youre proud
because look whos fucking crying now
it takes a lot to tear me down
but you chewed me up and spat me out
before i knew what you were yelling about.
Im in love with the boy I barely know
Im a stupid girl with a stupid crush
I figured out your last name and I looked your picture up
I Put a heart around your face
Then wrote my first name before your last
I wish that I could tell you
but im too scared that youll laugh.
for awhile i thought i was still a kid
they told me to grow up so for a minute so i did
i stepped back to who i was 10 years ago
and rememebered those kids i used to look up to
now theres a little girl looking up at me
and she cant wait to be as grown up as me
shes too young to see how dissapointing it can be
because absolutely nothing's exactly how it seems
when i watched the wizard of oz, everybody looked so happy
but judy garland was shooting up behind the scenes
ive learned you have to question everything
how many burn outs made up my childhood dreams?
how many so called harmless lies made me believe?
theres no such thing as perfect
and theres no such thing as clean
i want to close her eyes so she'll never have to see
everything so sweet and innocent turn so dark and mean
i'll hold her hand and lead her through
the debut of things i wish i never knew
let ignorance rock her back to sleep
to the world of unknowing, let her dream.
to 'samiam' whos diary is friends only. when i commented your friends diary asking why she was saying that, it wasnt because i expected everybody to like blink 182 or was mad that she didnt. it was because she said she was ashamed for liking the song and theres no reason to be ashamed for a type of music you like. she wouldnt be ashamed if she wasnt afraid of people opinions on blink 182 and musics not about that. so do yourself a favor and mind your own business when you dont know what your talking about... then neither one of us will have to waste our time with this bullshit. mmk.
to 'samiam' again... you seriously need to chill out. read over what i wrote, i was defending what i said because you thought i was bitching at her for it when it was just a question. i asked her because i wanted to know if she was just saying she didnt like them to 'fit in'. i wasnt flipping out or jumping to any conclusions. you jumped to a conclusion when you thought i was being a bitch when asking your sister and i was defending that those werent my intentions. so dont be a hypocrite... it makes you look like an idiot.
--
i know that all you said was "not everybody likes blink 182" and then i wrote that paragraph agreeing with you that not everybody likes blink 182, but that wasnt the point of my comment to her. i don't even like blink 182 and i really dont care if she does or doesnt. it was just to make a point that you shouldnt be ashamed about what kind of music you like. i wasnt saying that there was anything wrong with not liking them.
and in the very beginning you jumped to the conclusion that i expected everybody to like blink 182.
and again you were jumping to a conclusion when you thought you needed to defend her. if i wasnt trying to start something up with her and was just asking her a question, what is there to defend?
but this is so incredibly pointless to argue about this online and itll really get us nowhere. so ive 'spoken my peace' and im done with this. later.
The markers dry and time is running low
Panics setting in and it hurts to just let go
It’s hard to breathe when you’re so empty
It’s hard to stand up when you look so pretty
Perfect circles never spin Perfect liars never win
We all burn out no matter how perfect we are
Perfects just another scar on the sad girls arm
Were all working at different paces
To end up in the same sick sad place
We’re wasting space while we take up time
Forgetting that we'll all fall in line
We all die and were scared to admit it
I’m not productive but I’m not pissed
Because I don’t really give a shit
About anything or anybody anymore
I’d rather have a good time dying
Than have to hurt myself to keep on lying
Lying to everybody about who I am
pretendins that all you care about is them
We’ll all fall down to the end of death
And you’re the only one it’ll forget
It’ll leave you here to suffer in your self
Everybody’s gone and you’ve got no one left to lie to
You’ve killed off every friend you’ve tried for
And at last you fall at the feet of death
Begging and pleading that you’ll just forget
About the time you’ve wasted
Wasting people’s time trying to make them alright
Were all fucked up but so are you
Worry about yourself because the rest die too.
trying to tie down the impossible to impress
fake myself and fall to worthless
ive got enough stress to keep me drunk for 3 more years
only chemicals will put my washed out tears to rest
my messed up minds so infested
with your worthless words
and drawn out speeches
youve made a fucking philospophy
out of being a better person than me
youll say im wrong for disagreeing
but the guilt of lyings to much for me
how can you say youre here to stay
then turn your back and run away
dont say youll stand by me
then fuck me over for conformity
its wrong to have my own opinion
and its rude to be myself
fuck you, hate me like everybody else
you dont a have a single thought to call your own
laugh it off and keep telling youreslf its nothing personal.
i like this one. i dont htink it sounds that great but i really got a lot of stress and shit off my back when i wrote it. tell me if you like it puhlease and any 'constructive critisism' would be awesome
god, i havent been able to write one decent thing forever! to me, decent isnt even if it sounds good or not, decent is getting my emotions out and writing something that explains how i feel. i have so many emotions right now on so many things that when i try to write them out, they all cross each other and my words get all confused and i just get pissed off and my writings end up being like "fuck all of this i hate the world" because i get so angry :(. anybody got any tips to get rid of this frusteration and a way to sort out my stupid thoughts?
help
well walk down to the highway
with flowers in our hair
and were laughing and were crying
but everythings alright we
were going to the highway tonight
and well sit up in the grass
talking about our shitty pasts
and we all know theres a long way to go
but im just fine with right now
well sit back and watch cars go by for a while
this is the best day watching the headlights
were going to the highway tonight
and well all lay back and look up at the stars
wondering who we all are
who am i and who will i become
and well talk about what were scared of
and what were running from
were taking off our masks of deceit
and breaking through our walls of concrete
this is it were coming clean
because we are each others memories
for once in a lifetime were all honesty
i hope youre ready, because this is finally me.
hello there, how have you been?
oh youve forgotten about me?
we were only best friends...
hey there, remember me?
we told each other everything
i know all your secrets and dreams
what have you been doing all these years?
me? ive been living with my biggest fears
yeah you see ive ended up all alone
im afraid of commitment and being on my own
im as unreliable as i used to be
and im still scared to death of eternity
i figure itll all be over soon enough
but these past few years have been a little rough
maybe if i hadnt forgotten about everybody
or if they hadnt forgotten about me
id have a reason for being
but ive wound up with a shitlist of reasons for leaving
hey, its okay for not believing in me
i wasnt worth it anyway
well it was nice seeing you again
its fine that you forgot we were even friends
youre just another dissapointment
this one sucks but im hoping ill rewrite it
fuck you, for changing your mind
fuck me, for wasting our time
im sorry i wasnt more worthwhile
appologies wont compensate
for the energy we put to waste
suddenly im too out of style for you
what brought upon this abrubt break
of painfully unexpected distaste
did you pick my biggest enemy
just to shove it in my fucking face?
i promise i didnt think itd last
but i hide my dissapointment with a mask
of jealous glares and a bullshit act
youre just another thing to add to my list
of let it go's and get over it's
pay attention to your breathing patterns
before they decide to stop all together
forget to trust and fuck forever
pinky swears and promises never really mattered
your chest is so weighed down with guilt for pleasure
youve taken every whisper to a whole new measure
every friendship that youve crushed
every bullshit story youve reinvented
every fucking lie youve fabricated
all of it shot you straight to hell
and im watching you fall as youre screaming
that youre sorry, you really mean it
fuck you, i dont believe it
keep on falling, keep on screaming
how about the time you turned everybody against me
it hurt so much and you didnt feel a thing
all you did was hold me back
and theres nothing left but a liars debris
nothing by a vacant sky, street signs and cigarettes
dirty jeans and the cars cassettes
its a long walk home when you cant forget
your infinate list of useless regrets
replay every word and whisper again
cosby reruns and now and then
youve wrapped yourself up in the past
disgusted by this role you play
youre alone like everyone, another outcast
another ignorant kid wanna break away
were all ignorant and were all alone
we all want a little place to call our own
all the outcasts common society
lets get together and toast to sobriety
its our first night and its alright we
weve filled the lonely streets
turned off all the fucking repeats
all the outcasts meet the dead beats
all the burn outs meet the mathletes
nobody fits in here anyway
and were all, alright
if i could see through this fog
id make it through to the other side
and maybe the walls would stop screaming
and if the floor would stop spinning
id figure out how to bury myself alive
ive tried so hard but i cant figure you out
i hear youre writings perfectly
i cant grasp your complex concept
of where were all going
and i keep looking without knowing
what there is to find on this other side
ive tried every pill prescribed
and every hallucinogen ever tried
ive inhaled the substances that claimed your life
ive reached those doors with access denied
and when i say i want out i lied
i want something unworn, untested
ive tried everything youve suggested
so tell me, save me, salvage your dream
ill keep it alive, set it on fire
and our dreams stay young as we get higher and higher