remember what I said about things working out? maybe they aren't. I feel like I'm on american idol and I'm in the bottom two. am I going to get voted off? either way, I am still a horrible wannabe pop singer. even if I win, it will be a long time before any of my music that I make after this catches on, maybe second place will still end up being more popular than me.

I just want security. I want to know what's going on, what's happening tomorrow, what's happening ever.

ps: whoa, looking back my entries there is a clear cycle in my life. I am happy, optimistic, and energetic for a while and then I am depressed and hopeless for a while. interesting. the only thing that doesn't change is I play a shit load of music all the time. so that's cool.