one:

my inability to confront those i love.

to be the better person and attempt to fix

whatever i seem to have done.

i let my anger rule my heart.

two:

my inability to be truly happy.

to not allow that lonliness to creep in

and make me feel like i need someone to hold me

to be completely at ease.

three:

my inability to be truly selfless.

to look past what i will benefit

and let everything be for others,

wholly and completely.

four:

my inability to control thoughts of the one man i always think of.

even after i rationalize the situation,

no longer bank on some future miracle

where love saves the day...

(sometimes i let myself slip back into my fantasy

overanalyze everything, thinking surely he meant to kiss me

but that i turned away too quickly)

you see what i'm doing here?

i have everything that i need

and yet i'm too cowardly to claim it.

i can't have it all, i know.

but i miss those little pieces that slipped through my fingers.