you got alot of loving, but you can't let go. things from the past have been bothering me lately. i was in the car getting lost in the crazy towns of massachusetts last night talking about relationships and sex for .. hours, actually. and ---- came up, as usual. (i'm not using names anymore.) someone said to me "he messed you up didnt he. i just feel like he really screwed things up for you.. like there's so much more than the things you tell us." and you know what, that is completely correct. he did screw me up. everything about our relationship was vile and cheap. but the good times cancelled every negative thought out of my head. i just kept telling myself things would get better and work out the right way. and i guess they did work out the right way, the right way for him. i'm still pretty young and already i'm .. jaded. there's no other word for it. i'm bitter about so many things and aspects of life. i'm cynical, even. i hate it. i grew up so much faster because of him. but in some ways i am happy for that. i see things slightly clearer now, and i have alot more experience in several areas of life because of him. but it still makes me so angry how his presence affected so much of the way i am today. maybe when i let go of him, once and for all.. i'll let go of all the negetive things that our "relationship" drove me to believe. the road to you is long, and ive been on it for awhile. it's time to get off that road.