i HATE my school. i'm not alowed to feel any emotion whatsoever. no one here likes me, and the 8th,9th,10th,11th and 12th graders are DICKS to me. for nothing. really. i've NEVER said a WORD to half these people and when me and fed are walking together, we get screamed at "EMO" and "SLIPKNOOOOT" and bullshit like that. when i'm upset about something and just want to be left alone in the courtyard, i get yelled at. like "AWW GO CUT YOURSELF". i dont even say anything to them! aleja must be right, hmm? no one likes me. so now fed is mad at me, and is saying all his pathetic shit like "pulling the pity card". and i SWEAR, of ALL people to say that. i had to deal with his bullshit for a YEAR. WAAHHHH MY GIRLFRIEND HATES ME BOO HOO. he came to my crying. i'm serious- CRYING. now lets see.... if I was 16 and head over heels in love with some bitch, I WOULD ACCEPT THE FACT THAT I DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HER ANYMORE. hes not really smart. if he wants me back, hes not exactly trying really hard by bitching me out. so i guess he'll learn somehow. but of course, i'm here in the courtyard wating from him. and of course when he sees me its going to give him a huge ego boost, and he will get all pissed and such. so maybe i should leave and let him cry. i want to. but hey, what else am i supposed to do? juans here. GO AWAY. eww i keep smiling. STOP TALKING. he keeps talking about nothing. PLEASE DEAR GOD. oh good. i just gave him my AIM. smart, smart smart. i'm really hungry. i think i'll go eat if i have money.

wow. feb 27. havent updated in a while because i dont feel like there is very much to talk about. i wish i could talk about something, you know? well, i guess i'll talk to you about how i hate my life IHATEMYLIFE woohoo. okay i'm out. [///DISCONNECT///]

okay so me and fed are fine now. there. jupitier is alive. everything is wonderfull.

i know i havent written in a while, but so much has been going on. last week i had the play to worry about and i only messed up once, AND no one noticed! i brought my grades up to an A, three Bs and two Cs. NOT GROUNDED! yeayyy. two days ago i had another incident and was rushed to the hospital. only this time, it was not my fault and i had a cyst and fainted. so now i'm good, a bit shaken and tired still, but happy. i've created a deviantart, but nothing in it is worth viewing, so i wont post the like, but i hope that i'll get a bit better. me and fed DESTROYED meinie's myspace. yeay. oh, and today after school, i'm going home with fed, and am staying there untill seven or eight. we're going to watch a movie and set up our myspace. he looks really good today. matthew has been missing in action for a few days now, and his poetry is always written in code, but i'm slightly worried that something bad happened to him. i'm not going to get too worried though, there is no point while he is such a strong person anyway. so i dont really have any new pictures to post, but i put something else. i hope i'll have a chance to write more often. ¢¾ i leave tonight [tell me when] i have 32 minutes to write this. i'm desperately trying to dissect my thoughts in a room full of cubicles. more like the labyrinth. i'm sticking post it notes onto a shelf, i'm breaking away tonight. i'm just a liar, and i'm just a fake; but it's you, old man, who made me that way. the boy in the room next to me keeps singing. he keeps singing these songs, like some how, inspiration found it's way into the depths of despair. i've got 29 minutes to write this. i plan on using my time wisely. i plan on breaking out tonight. she told me 'pack your bags, take what you need. whisper a prayer. say one for me' she didn't even cry about it. i'm glad she's coming with me. [love] i've got 27 minutes to write this. my lucky number. i've been waiting for 9 years now, and i admit, yeah, even i give up faith sometimes. hardly hard to believe. we're going to go to abandoned houses. and sleep on thin air. i wish you could live on thin air. but mr. tolliver said that you need love to survive. it's a good thing i met you, new years night. your initials spell some word, that i sadly have forgotten, but i've got my own meaning. we have our own meaning. after this week, there's not going to be anymore of this stress. after this week, it's going to be me and you. happy. dai = love. [sister] i have 23 minutes to write this. don't worry about me. i'm always fine. there have been more pressing things. good luck with your boys. good luck with school. [brother] you've always been there for me. in my absence, i hope you make it home carefully. [don't forget me] i've dedicated most of my time to this. one-thousand and four time i have been looked at. one-hundred and ten times i have been talked to. fory-nine times i've been praised. but only twenty-one times have i spoken. i leave tonight, please, tell me when you're going to see me. "i've been bleeding barcodes from my eyes for weeks. i've been vomiting black and white for months" old words made new. i am recycling myself. like the time you grabbed me by the neck i was just a boy. she dreamt she was alone. she awoke and realized the awful truth. i have one true person, she's coming to help me. i love her. i have fifteen minutes. i have fourteen minutes. i am leaving tonight. i have thirteen minutes. i have twelve minutes. she hasn't spoke to me. i have eleven minutes. i have ten minutes. to be alone to her was a dream. i have nine minutes. i have eight minutes. when i wake up to you, that's when i will finally be glad i'm waking up. i have seven minutes. i have six minutes. i have five minutes. i have four minutes. i have three minutes. i have two minutes. i have one minute. i am.

i was supposed to go to fed's house this friday, but i have my prformance friday, saturday and sunday. he invited christian over instead.... i mean.... nevermind. peter will be there, i guess..

a few days ago, i found out that my acting coach, Jay, was really sick and in the hospital. we were going to visit him today, but we had no time. since i was on miami beach anyway, me and my dad walked to the art show, and i bought these adorable sunglasses. the day after, i took down the christmas tree and lights, swept out the three fucking pounds of needles and cleaned the living room. without the help of my family. yeay... today me and my mom had to go to her dentist, and then we ate in coco walk where i saw alex. then i got shoes at dadeland, and my mom had a doctors appointment. i was supposed to go over to fed's house today, but him mom is gay and i dont think she really likes me, and said no. i have a math tutor soon, hes late. i'm really hungry oh, i think hes here.

mehh. fed is still being a jerk about the meinie thing. i mean, its not my fault that meinie is "better" than he is, whatever. i've been trying to dump fed forever, but every time, he gets his way. okay, so sure. i love him. but please! its a flaw, get over it. he INSISTS that i was flirting with meinie. WHAT THE FUCK, HE WAS PUSHING ME! fuck it. i'm so sick of the kid.

okay, so last night me and fed had a long talk about things. he said that he would change for me, but i feel terrible. his friends wouldnt want him to. i feel like such a shallow bitch, its redculous! but you know, what can i say, feds no scene kid, and he hates meinie and jupiter. honestly, meinie is not scene at all, he just can dress well. and is clean. fed is such a dirty fucking kid, i dont understand. maybe he cant help it. or maybe something. but seriously, its really important. so again with the fighting bullshit. it.will.never.end! but honeslty, we're two completely different people, and come on, what more can i say? well i have so much shit due today and i havent done any of it. i'm fucking screwed, and i dont think that batting my pretty eyelashes will make up for a forgotten project. at least not with dr.jonson. anyway, so today's picture is with joana's glasses. YEAY EMO GLASSES! i really want glasses, but i dont need them. w.e. so i have to go be bored now LOVELOVELOVE Catt. . . . . . . . . . . . matthew's best friend hung himself today. now that i think about it you were the perfect candidate, outgoing, happy, everything i never was or am going to be. oh god, how i looked up to you. how i was glad just to be your friend. i mean, you were just a boy why did you have to end? and if i didnt have you around in my times of need when girls came, and left you were there, and you would talk to me and in class today, it was funny, i mean, no one even knew! we thought you were just late, haha, going on one of your adventures to see how far you can get before the bell rings God dammit, it hurts, to think that you would hang yourself over a fucking femme. you wanted to be a cop, with Joel. there's a section on death, why didn't you stick around? i was going to ask you something, but now i have to cup my hands together and cry out to god please let this be a lie, why is it always my hero that has to die? in the movies that good guys die for a reason, god dammit, i hope you had a reason. i called her, a deadly silence on the other line, covered with her shortened breathing and muffled cries. you had alot of questions. i had alot of questions but he won't answer them anymore. my dear, sweet Timmy has gone to sleep. BUT I'M UP LATE VOMITING BECAUSE I CAN'T STOP THINKING HOW BAD IT MUST'VE HURT, HOW THE PRESSURE BUILT UP IN YOUR EYELIDS UNTIL YOUR BRIGHT RED TEARS PEAKED FROM BENEATH. HOW I CAN'T BELIEVE. and when andrew told me, i just yelled at him to shut the fuck up. you wouldn't do that you wouldn't do that oh god, i hope you didn't do that. i'm sorry....

so, nothing much going on, but hah- you watch, as soon as i get to my dad's the drama begins. anyway, so i missed half the day at school today because the thyriod guy had to draw my blood and examine me. hah. guess who got a 100% on her vocab quiz? thats right. oh, another thing- okay, on my myspace and my diary, i have a counter. and i KNOW if you read this, so if you do, why not take the 60 seconds to COMMENT!? thats what the little button on the bottom is for. jesus. anyway, so fed thinks i'm being like - mehh to him. i know i am. i dont know what it is, i just dont feel like being bothered today. OMG lol, you should have seen his shoes today. as if the socks werent enough. teehee. so today in science, meinie was giving me shit. mehhhh. i hate looking at him, it drills through me, and i HATE HATE HATE how he makes me feel! its like he knows it, so he loves to do it to me. but who knows, is he even that smart? okay, seriously, i need to talk to fed. i need to start going out again, this is rediculous. i'm going to, period, but he should know. i'm not about to fuck up again, and this is something i really want. i have spanish next. YEAY. i love that class. its my best class >next to drama, of course< lol,but theres only about 6 kids in the class and shes totally chill about listening to music and all. plus, i have it with peter. i have an entire english paper due tomorow, and i havent even started. but i know, i can. AHFUCK! and i have to memorize my fucking drama shit. FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK pluuuuusssssss i have homework for fucking everything else. feds mad at me. i hope we stop fighting. i lied to him a little bit about meinie. i told fed that i didnt talk to him, and i had. i haaaate thiiiiiiiisssss. danmit, i need to talk to fed. i love this fucking kid a bit too much.

Last night I had a bat-mitzvah party of one of my mom’s friends girls. I didn’t really want to go, because who wants to dance with a bunch of 12 year olds that you have never met before? I went in two polos, a jean skirt, and my new boots. Well I knew one of one of the girls there because my mom’s friends are close, and have kids my age, and I have known her since I was a baby. Anyway, the party was in an actual club on south beach, so naturally, the DJ was amazing and I wanted to dance! Well the 80 12 year olds didn’t, but Sari did, so we fucking danced together for a good 30minutes until the party started. It was great after that, dancing on the tables and the music was FANTASTIC, at one point, they even played Panic! and fall out boy. So by the time that there was only about an hour left in the party, I realized that I hadn’t danced with one fucking boy! and to me, that was a sad problem. so I looked around at the nervous little 6th graders, and grabbed one. DANCE WITH ME! well to say the least, Lawrence danced better than he did, and Lawrence was so fucking stiff. but w.e. anyway, so we were dancing and all, until a fucking security guard broke us up. I was mad because I couldn’t even fucking dance!? but w.e. so I got one other kid to “dance” with me too. I hope fed wont mind…. fuck…. so anyway, my mom took me to my dad’s house after at like 12 and I passed out. this morning, my dad violently shook me awake at around 12:30 and told me that he found out my grades. I had an A in drama >which was the only thing that mattered to me anyway< a B in Spanish. Cs in everything in else, and a D in science and math. now, of course, since my dad has never had a problem in his life before until I was born, he was furious. and that’s to say the fucking least. if it wasn’t like fucking 40 degrees outside, I would have run away. so anyway, I spent the entire day being told that I’m going to get nowhere in life, and my dad is taking me out of palmer next year. and OH, no camp or pretty much any other source of life. well, the day I got ungrounded, I got re-grounded. yeay. and now I only have another few months with fed, and my palmer friends. oh, and now I’ll have to start all over again and make new friends AGAIN. I refused to take my pill today, it hasn’t been doing anything, I still want to kill myself. and I’ve developed some other happy symptoms. but I have to take it tomorrow, or I’ll have a heart attack or something. anyway, this semester has not been the easiest for me, and anyone who knows a lot about me knows just a little about that. I’m not using that as an excuse, but jesus, try living in my shoes for ONE day and tell me that I’m a failure and am a lazy fuck. I’m just am so glad that I have my boyfriend back. I really need a shoulder to cry on that I wont feel guilty about. I still think about running away out of state- to north Carolina or Indiana. okay, laugh. but its that or shooting myself, I swear. but I couldn’t leave fed.. JESUS why me, honestly. what have I DONE to anyone, for this shit to be in shit CONSTANTLY. its everyday, I cant even fucking remember a day when something wasn’t wrong. I cant stand it, really. and all I can do is smile, and you know, get over it, right? but I cant keep doing that. I wont keep pretending that i’m alright. i think that fed thinks I’m mad at him, and I haven’t been able to call him all day, and I doubt that he called me. even if he did, i’m not allowed to call anyone. this is ridiculous, isn’t my pill supposed to make me happier!? but no, it makes me paranoid, nauseous, and sleep deprived. all of which make me look terrible everyday, which forces me to paint my perfect face on every morning. how much longer will I have to keep this up for? I have given up on myself. I don’t know what to do anymore. I know what fed is going to say- listen to your parents, or do your homework, or do something right or something like that. and I know what I’m going to do- I’m going to get a bit upset and tell him he doesn’t get it. because he doesn’t. and JESUS, know that the kid is lucky he doesn’t have to deal with my shit. no one should, but no, I got stuck with it. w.e. I’ve stuck it out this long, right? eric hates me again- by the way. I was walking the dogs with him and heres how our conversation went- me – hey, were we supposed to bring the light or something? eric- I don’t know me- oh.. hey, tomorrow is dress uniform, right? eric – mhmm me – oh, thanks. oh my god, the fucking dean took my sweater! eric – you’ve told me, I don’t care. stop talking. so I did. the entire half hour of it. I don’t understand. even eddie thinks I’m a sell-out. and god, Claudia hates me too. i miss fed so much. maybe because I know that he wont judge me. or tell me that I’m a fuck up and am never going to get anywhere in life. or scream at me until I cry. but, love me and I can love him for not being like everyone else. I need to talk to him about everything. I hope I don’t cry.. I hate myself for what I did to him. I have to go now, I’m getting tired and that’s such a godsend. right now the only people that I can honestly say that I love are me and fed.

well me and fed are back together. i do think that its going to work this time. i told him about meinie. and that must have been the right thing to do, because he told me that he actually did love me, despite what i was led to believe with all of the "i dont love this ariel anymore"s. but oh god, i hate what i did and how i hurt him. truely, i was a bitch. well, CAMIS BACK! AAAAAAAAAACK! i'm fucking THRILLED. that kid is amasing. lol but not more amasing than fed, of course. i've lost so much weight because of these stupid fucking pills. i dont even get hungry anymore, this is rediculous. but w.e., you know, i did it to myself. but come ON, throwing up is NO fun. so anyway, i'm alot happier, now that i have a few things i dont have to worry about anymore. no more drama with fed, and meinie, and danielle. mehh. hah, feds being such a god boyfriend now, but he said i'm being mehh. i cant see how, but i'll do what i can to make him happy. i havent talked to grace in a while, i hope i'll get to see her soon. shes famazing too. ADCK, i think feds parents loathe me. and hey, thats never good. this summer or spring break, i'm going to visit lia and jupiter. i'm so fucking excited! my moms here. LOVE

last night i couldnt sleep so i took a movie my mom wouldnt let me watch and sat up watching. it was AMASING! - "dot the i" i put my mattress on the floor because, ehh why not. it was cool waking up on the floor. ehh so i'm so happy that i saw fed again. and he actually kissed me. DO YOU KNOW what that means to me!?! i wanted to fucking cry. so anyway, i brought my camera and peter caught me dancing to metric with chum and 6th graders. so i'm in science now and i might be leaving too early to say goodbye to fed today, so i'll see if i can catch him on the way to our next class. i hope hope hope he liked what i got him. it was the same thing he got me, but different CD and shrit, but le duh. AFTER SCHOOL so fed erm... hugged..... me goodbye, but what can i say, you know? ah, well if i want to fix what i did i have to get punched in the side a few hundred times for it to work. hurrah. well, meinies out of the picture. and considering what he did to me who the fuck cares. ah, but it looks like fed will never be fed again... at school hes fine, but our IMs are fucking prince and peasant. i dont want to do anything to get him upset, you know? but watching everything i do, apologizing for every other word that might seem the least bit sarcastic or cold- is so hard. but god, if he loves me again it will be worth every time my throat burns with acid. and recently, thats been often, unfortunately. mabie its the stress like last year, or mabie its these pills. but either way, people are going to see me lose weight again and wonder. i mean, i dont eat lunch, but thats because i dont get hungry, and i dont fucking WANT to throw up! ah, fuck what people think, right? but whats more important to me, is that it destroys my voice. and how am i supposed to sing on stage like this!?! alright alright, i just need to relax. i did this to myself, and its nothing that my healthy teenage mind cant fix. HOLY SHIT i sound like alex ah... you know what? i'm going to treat you all to the alex i once loved. he had a diary too. this was an entry from before he turned....sour, lets say. here goes- --------------------------------------------- ...but Halloweens in about two months now, and I'm gonna save up my money so I can rent a whole bunch of movies. I'm pretty excited about seeing EVIL DEAD II. Ariel came to school on Friday. I was so mad I couldn't even talk to her. I just kept walking. I figured she'd stay behind me until I calmed down, but with a bitchy "FINE," she trudged off to go see some other friends and teachers. I don't know what's gonna happen with us. It doesn't look too good right now. Her friend in my sixth period is really pissing me off. She won't stop talking to me. When I leave the class, she follows me. After school, I got in line for the pizza sale, and she cut in front of me and kept talking. In an attempt to get her the hell away from me, I asked, "Are you gonna buy some?" "Oh, yeah," she said hastily as she began to fumble through the bottom zipper on her bookbag. She finally came up with a jumble of coins and said it was a dollar. When she went up to pay, they told her to go because she was holding up the line by counting her penies. So when she was kicked out of the line, she waited for me and then came back. I told her I saw and old friend and that I'd talk to her later. Of course, that was a lie. I just pointed into a crowd of students and said I saw somebody I knew. So, I began to walk down the breezeway, when somebody tackles me. I mean litterally TACKLES me. I don't even know who this kid is, but we're tumbling down the slope, falling over eachother and one another's limbs hitting eachother. Finally, I got up, grabbed the fucker by the back of his shirt and threw him into the gate that was pulled back against the wall. It was fucking Kelan....... --------------------------------------------- there will always be two sides to ever story, now wont there? HAHAH- look what i found! this is all from my old diary before SITDIARY- aww i was so cute --------------------------------------------- 12:07pm 23/09/2004 Patrick asked me out last night. I dno if i should date him or not. I mean, sure, i have feeling for him, but i havent seen him twice in two years, and im still all over alex. Tina says she'll talk to alex, or did she. Ugg. i am just not remembehring anything anycmore. My srink says i have insomnia, but w.e. okl, yea , i guetss, but theres nothing he's duing about it that my dad cares about. Hes going to put me ion meazy bdicine. Danm. 01:56am 20/09/2004 its like 2:00 am and ive been staying up till 5 everynight thjis week. Im sitting on my bed eating cheescake and thinking alot. mabie too much. fuck here we go again. im so sick of this whole alex/tina/patrick/ayla/me/chevy/palmer issue. i started it. great. im going to sleep before i something i wont get to regret later. 12:16pm 15/09/2004 THis day has gone by so fast already. I have an early dissmissal for 1:15 so all the cheerleaders can go to the game and practice early. I only have mabie half a class yet, and im really nervous. This ass hole of a kid keeps telling me that in ugly and im like "strange" and shit. I tell him hes a sad excuse for a living person and shit, but he still goes on. I dont know if i want to go back to public school next year. It would be such a horrible change, from being a pamered bitch to a lousy druggie school. I do miss my old friends, but this school is feeling more and more like my home. I miss alex and i may never get him back. I cant stand it. At least Tina is super cool. He deserves her. 11:17pm 20/08/2004 well. today i say alex. if i go on i thik i'll cry. any way, i was reading his blurty and its all abut this chick named christina i wonder if he wrote that to make me jealous. well, it sure worked. i love hum and the fucker wont understand that i dint kiss him (or be around him for that ) was because it was all to much for me, being around someone who i haevnt sen for two months was really hard. fuck! life can go fuck itself. -------------------------------------------- hah. life doesnt much change, does it? well when fed loves me again, thats all i'll need. its just getting there thats repeating itself.

school tomorow FUCK FUCK FUCK why!? i just got back from CVS and wanted to see what icy hot felt like so now my hands fucking burning and i have to get all my shit ready for tomorow woo fucking hoo i have soo much shit to do!! FUCK i have to wrap fed's gift here, entertain yourselves with pictures- ILOVEJEFFREESTAR yeay markers!

so i'm spending my new years home alone. MISRABLE. my mom dragged me to one of her friend's parties and i drank two glasses of champagne just to find out the hard way that champagne and prozac arent supposed to mix. this is fucking rediculous. alright you know what? my medication is fucking me up so right now i can vent vent vent. its NEW YEARS! i'm CATT FUCKING TAFT i should be out partying or AT FUCKING LEAST being with someone ANYONE i cant believe this and i havent had a cigarette in GOD KNOWS HOW LONG i cant cant cant drink i'm scared to get stoned again I'M NOT ABOUT TO GET FUCKING LAID my mom keeps keeps keeps fucking checking on me! why the fuck is this happening i'm so upset about everything fuckin- WORSE than before and i have to keep it all in and be happy so me and fed and my friends will have a chance again. this is so so so hard.. but if it works, GOD will it be worth it. shit shit shit all suicidal and angry all searching for a pathetic way out FUCK FUCK FUCK its not me its NOT NOT NOT ME! its these pills! i was fine and now i'm much much much worse! i didnt used to see things! or be SO ocd or just ah i'm SO SO SO different! ah, right now i'm quite quite quite upset. and sleep will help me get over it. i'd like to take a short short walk, but i know that i shouldnt. ah.. well my new years resolution is to watch no more TV. it'll fuck fuck fuck you up, and who wants to be a veggie? also and more important, to MAKE MY LIFE WORK OUT! the right way i still love this kid fed

ah. so tomorow is LAST DAY I'M FUCKING GROUNDED! but i'm sick, and the only person i would consider being with right now is miles away probably bored out of his mind. so anyway, these pills like stopped working. just like that two days ago i was fine and now i'm back to two showers a day, getting upset over everything, yelling about everything and now i'm so paranoid. like BAD BAD BAD. and i still CAN NOT SLEEP oh i almost forgot- my trip was TERRIBLE, but me and eric are alot closer and that means the world to me, so i'm happy about that. and dreams- first night~ me and fed were fine and i was worried that he was being too nice or something second~ i dont really remember, i couldnt really sleep long enough same for the third~ and last night i had a dream about lia. today i got my boots, YEAAAYYY. i put another video from the trip so check out my myspace. LOVE

isnt this girl so pretty? i saw her the other day at dadeland. so anyway, bluestar reunion today- hey, so anyway happy christmas everyone! today was our blue star thing at dave and busters and i saw everyone from my cabin except lia. >who was with us in spirit, anywayI GOT TO HONK THE HORN!here - www.myspace.com/suits_ties_handguns_lies it was so much fucking fun, and sarah made me a mixtape!!! SCENEHXC! then i came home and finished a thrid wall of my room. it looks AMASING!!! check it out~~~ and guess what i got for christmas!>!>!>!>!> so anyway, i'm pretty sure fed left today, but when he comes back, he'll have internet and yeay!tomorow i leave with my dad's side of the family >blehhold school!!

i think that really good dreams are just as horrible as bad ones. when you feel so good for a little bit, just to wake up miserable that nothing was real. the doctor told me that i was supposed to sleep better, and have better dreams, but i dont really like it all that much. i used to not dream so much, and when i did, it would be stupid and short, meaning less. but last night was different, and i can still remember it at 1:23AM the next night. basicaly - i was with a group of people. some i didnt know, others- fed, aleja, martin, people from camp and school. and we were at this place. it was like a museum, but it was HUGE and you could live there. there were SO many people around my age there, and it was sort of like a camp, but i might have been visiting. so i was in a group of about 15 people and we were on this awsome roller coaster, having so much fun, but then we had to get off and go to lunch, but the guy told us we could come back right after. so we went off to eat and all, and i might have been with peter. so during lunch, there was a concert going on in the arena area of this place, and our group went. the croud was HUGE and there were thousands of people. we were waiting for the concert and fed and aleja sat down. aleja next to me, and fed behind me. and i really wanted to sit with fed. but fed told me that we couldnt, because we werent going out, but he still loved me and was sorry. aleja was being such a fucking bitch and at one point i slapped her... she didnt hit back, and i was surprised, but the concert started. so i was more interested in the fed ordeal the concert, and really wasnt paying attention when i remembered that we told the roller coaster guy that we'd come back. so i yelled to everyone to come back with me, and they just ignored me. then it changed a bit, and was that night. there was a dance, or some kind of get together thing, and everyone was getting ready. so i was getting dressed with lia, and we had to go to a hotel to get something before the party. so we were driving in the car on the way there and there was a group of guys loitering around the >get thisfrom bluestar, lol that must have been my idea of a good place for the partyYEAY< and was having a blast with that. i wanted to call fed ALL FUCKING DAY, but last time i called, aleja told me that i had already called 10 times that day, and though i knew that i had only called twice, i'm obviously bothering his family, so i'll just wait and see if he wants to call me. i really hope so, but he might think that i'm at my dad's again. hes going away soon, i wonder if he'll call to say happy christmas and good bye. fuck, i still have to wrap everyone's gifts and christmas is TOMOROW. mehhhhhhh! i got grace, camilo, sarah and lia the same thing, but i think they'll all really like it. I HOPE! anyway, well its 1:38 and i need to sleep. ♥

mood today : good.

lol WELL, camilos rating my entires COOL. next time i'll try for a 9 or 10 aanyway, we had our first exams today. i'm special-ed. so i got extended time > 3 fucking hoursown shit to sort through now, so i dont think we're actualy back together yet but... oh w.e. :)! so tomorow i go last minute christmas shopping lol, i still have like EVERYONE to buy for. ah, well tonight i have to go to my dad's house and that means i have to ditch my computer so my step-bitch cant search it AGAIN. mehhh... so yeah, umm... oh, the weather is super nice out now. that makes me happy. so yeah, i'm going to be really bored for the next two hours, and listen to panic! Oh, and JT, I LOVE YOU!!! lol, sAwah, gwace and weeah TOO p.s. if you havent gotten me anything for december, fuck it. or just like give me one of your shirts. i love that.