Breakdown. the title is exactly what's happening to me right now.

I haven't cried in a while. I used to cry all the time before, but lately i have been optimistic and preparing myself for the great amount of work i will have to face in a while. I've been going to Psych classes too. My teacher is a genious, and after each class i think to myself : "I can do this!." So Im not crying about my future right now, I know that i can do it. I'm crying about something else.

I hate facebook. reminds me of how much fun people have while im here friendless. Yet i have the urge to look through photos and torture myself. Why do I do this? i dont know.

I used to have two best friends. One was the person who i was the most comfortable with in my life... the other one, like my sister. Thanks to these two people i rarely felt alone, and when i did.. I could get over it really fast.

well, its not like that anymore. I am alone. and this is surreal. Im trying to convince myself that this is a dream and that ill wake up tomorrow and everything will be fine. But everyday i come to face the sour taste i felt the day before. I dont want to be part of the crowd, I dont wanna follow masses, I dont wanna act stupid, I dont wanna be seen as the important/cool one. I want someone to care for me. I want a real friend, someone I could make my stupid comments to, Someone's shoulder to rely on. And not because Im a dependent little weak girl, but because Im a human being. I need a friend.

My heart aches. Literally.

I'm not mad at them for letting me go, Im concious of the reality of the world. Im mad at being pathetic. Im mad for not finding anyone. Im mad for being different. I am different.

I feel like im worthless, if I died tomorrow, noone would care.

shit.

to the max