i'm soo excited i'm officially 17!!!!! omg it's my birthday right now!!!!! but i'm talking to eric on the phone just talking about whatever (as josh says). it's really cool talking to him cuz i like him but idk or i don't really think he likes me but yeah can't get everything.... but yeah i haven't met him yet. i started talking to him on the phone cuz trista ~was~ dating his best friend josh so she hooked me up with eric. but yeah i might him monday woo hoo!!!! gotta go bye!!

i wrote a sonnet for class so i figured i'd put it on here cuz i kind of liked it. tell me what you think k, thanks! fallen tear drops of deceit thoughts inside make you look so sly did not know that you would cheat as your hand slid up her thigh all these emotions i have to hide because you do not seem to understand that you have broken my pride now our love dangles on s strand i hear them say i should not hold on are they right since you dont show you care it is not like the feelings have gone yet you sit saying nothing with a blank stare you need to know i'm not second best now i'll leave this you to digest

hey i'm back and writing but gotta go!!!!

What does it mean when you think you hate someone so much, yet you cant stop thinking about them, -when your thinking of the nicest things to say to him, yet they are way to late, -when you were with him you thought nothing in this world could go wrong, but now your feeling like every thing is turned upside down, What does it mean when your so excited to open your phone and have an unread message, even if its gonna be words of hate, What does it mean, when you liked him so much, but in the end you felt like an idiot to even think he noticed you, What does it mean when you would have done anything for him, and yet even when its over you still feel the same, Finally What does it mean when your so tired, yet you cant fall asleep because every thing you think of turns into being about him, What does it Mean? If you have any idea what this means please tell me

well i know i was kind of raggin on my ex boyfriend but yesterday he totally changed my views of him. i'm really happy about the way i feel towards him but at the same time it kind of sucks, cuz now i don't know what to do. ok yesterday was really perfect in a way. well we went to the movies and saw wedding crashers which was good from what i caught of it. then he took me out to eat at top hat, mmmm so so good. then after that we went and got ice cream at ben n jerry's!!! it was like a real date and i've never really been on dates. which is kind of strange i think. neways i had so much fun yesterday like i was happy the whole day. which is definetly a first for me. but yeah i love him all over again, yeah go me!!! NOT i know this is going to end up bad somehow

When was the last time I felt your touch Never thought you'd be the one I miss so much There's just something I wanted you to know That I feel though I try not to let it show Everytime I sit and think about you I'm always hoping these thing you knew I wish I was the only one you felt for Everytime I relize the truth my heart becomes sore When you say all those great things I think you care But in the end your heart wasn't really there

this is kind of sad when i think about it. well me and my ex still talk and that's totally cool but the sad thing is is that i'm still in love with him. i don't think he knows that or at least i hope he doesn't. neways today my day was going good i was talking to some new friends i met through trista and i was getting to know them and we were hitting it off so i was all excited of course. later on my ex and i were talking just about random shit then later after we got off we started txtin each other. well i was txtin trista at the same time. i ened up txtin him one of her messages and it said "guess who called!!" well when i figured it out i told him i didn't mean to send it to him. but he asked who it was neways and i said it was to trista about a friend, and he got all pissed and said i could've told him neways. well i did and i said the reason i didn't say before is cuz i thought you didn't care or you would get mad and ignore me and that's what he ended up doing. then an hour later he txt me back saying FUCK YOU. i couldn't believe he said that? did i really do something that bad to make him say that? i mean come on? did i deserve that? well i guess i did cuz now i feel bad to even talking to that other person in the first place.... i seriously need help with my love life. that is if that's what you can call it. neways i offcially feel like shit and yeah i don't know what else to say... neone have advice besides telling me to grow up?

hmm well the other night was eventful and lame i must admit! well of course there's nothing to do in Casitas Springs and i'm all sad and lonley so you do stupid stuff when ur like that... neways trista and me hung out and eric called her up so we said she would hang out with him. then we kicked at my house till he came to the store. we went down and kicked it there, then trevor mobed up and then we were kicken it and just talking and shit. he gave trista and me some zan-x and then yeah i went home trista did her slutty thing and then came over to my house again. but the sad thing was is that i took the pill cuz i thought it would take my mind off of joe and yeah that didn't happen. god i'm such a loser i need a life or a bf idk. which ever comes first. but yeah i just ended up thinking about him the whole night and kept wondering what i get out of our friendship. then when i bolied it all down i realized i don't really get anything. he gets the most out of it and that's whenever he wants it. like when he wants to hang out i make it happen, but if i wanna hang out we rarely get to. so idk, i wanna move on but i can't. i just want to let him go cuz i know he';s let me go by now. but there's something that sparks inside everytime i think of him. i know how corny that sounds but it's true. he doesn't even half of what he does to me. well i need to shut up and i have to get off cuz trista wants to have a bon fire in my back yard. so i gotta go set that up. have a nice night

well today was soo much for some reason, but it was hella fun. yeah i know who says hella nemore. but yeah i went to school then i went to the mall and had to wait till my interview!!! i was soo excited but soo nervous. i think it went good. my sister said it did since they gave me a day they would call me so yeah. but then after that i met up with natalie her sis and april. then later on trista came and then so did matt. we hung out in the mall and trista and me had some big drama. we had people looking at us from all over. don't ask what it was about but yeah. then we all headed over to rusty's pizza and was over there for like 2 hours i think. idk but it was forver. we had so much fun. talking shit, screaming and cracking jokes on black people, asians, white people, jews and even ethiopians. but yeah it was soo much fun. i think we were so loud we gave some old people a heart attack!!! hahaha he deserved it, he was a prude! but yeah fun day and now i need sleep so night night! muah kisses

well today was eventful!!! i went to summer school and yeah had loads of fun there.... woohoo pacific rocks me! neways then i went and hung out at the mall and yeah went home with alum.... uh huh you can guess what happened, jk. well after a good 30 mins of cleaning i came down here to her house, went to the video store football game and now we're being emo kids taking pictures for myspace. damn we are lame with no lives!!!

As a brick wall builds around my heart once more, I wonder why I let you knock it to the floor. I opened my arms just sitting and waiting for you, But back then it seemed only my legs would do. The tears fell for a reason you couldn't understand, Wish you could've waited and just held my hand. I'm sure it was hard to listen when you couldn't grasp my reason, But why was not having sex some sort of treason? A big part of me just wants you to try again, This time I know I'll end up doing anything to be more than a friend. Then the little piece that knows better starts to fade away, Next my inhibitions and morals don't want to stay. Why do I want to push myself to do so much, Just for the warmth of your slightest touch? Being good friends should be more than enough, But I'm way too selfish and that's just too tough. I tell myself over and over I don't want to talk anymore, But Everytime I try it's too hard to shut the door. I say I still want you but i can't listen to my heart, I'm starting to realize this because we've been breaking further apart. The brick wall will weakly stand, Always waiting for destruction from your caressing hand.