IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME... I WOULD HAVE KISSED YOU. EVEN IF THEY WERE ALL WATCHING. I sit at the park. Atop a hill... on the same bench that has been there since 1989. A little boy walks by and smiles at me. In one hand I am holding my cell phone. In the other, quietly on my belly. I feel little pokes of her legs, trying to kick her way out of my skin. I poke back. We're playing a game. I keep wondering what her name will be, as I look up around the sky. Random words are passing through my mind as suggestions, some words from my head and others from the names being called out. "Mary. Jane. Lara. Cassie. Fran. Sun. Clouds. Moon. Sky." Some things distracted me as I looked into the cloudy sky, interrupting my foggy mind. There was no way I could think of a name alone. A name beautiful enough to be fit for my daughter. I couldn't do anything alone. How would I survive? I looked down. I have stopped poking. Baby keeps poking, then pausing, waiting for me to poke back. When I don't she gets tired and eventually stops. Which is when I begin to cry.