i am not feeling glittery, that is a total lie.

hey b, i miss you :( i was in st.paul last monday. last minute, impuslisive decision i made to get a halloween costume. on the way back me and kiah got off on the riverside exit and called you but you were prolly asleeep. anyway, im hoping to make it down there saturday to see my cousin and his boyfriend. oh and we need to go to the postsecret exhibit. i cant remember the date off the top of my head. also, atmoshpere is going to at first ave novemember 9 and 10th. so things are going really good for me, i had a few set backs but am now feeling really up to par. i have a new boyfriend, and NO he has never been to prison NO hes not ridiculously older than me NO he is not an alcholic or pot head NO he does not play magic cards NO he does not wash dishes or take donations for a living YES he gave me a postsecret book (instead of a bible) YES he is 22 YES he is joining the peace core YES he wears glasses YES he plans on applying for princeton YES he is a white boy :) YES he is amazing his name is david, but we will call him dave so that the creepy factor stays low. its a coincidence really, because he is NOTHING like the latter david. hes got it together but yet understands that it doesnt always work that way. hes had his share of hardships but doenst walk around with a chip on his shoulder. i FINALLY cut the ties between annie and I and THANK GOD> ASWELL as with creepy 34 year old know it all ... it felt so goood to LET GO. :)

um.. so basically i just want to talk to YOU and as in you i mean BRITTA lets hang out, i want to go there for like an ENTIRE weekend and spend more than just an evening with you and your fabulous housemates. i hear you and j have hypothesized a crush on behalf of black boy. ( i dont remember his name but u know what i mean) ;) miss you love you. fill me in and ill do the same FAGGOT

...all i make. i seriously cant believe what happened. he hasnt tried to contact me at all. when i went there last night to get the last of my stuff he didnt even try to apologize for how he treated me. i HAVE NEVER BEEN TALKED TO LIKE THAT. by a boy anyway ..mom, yes. but that was such a long time ago. never again. never again...im in shock. i mean, its not like i thought we were going to be together forever but i didnt think it would end like THIS. what the hell is so impossible to love about me? tell me so i can change it.

Maybe i need to just realize that i am destined for lonliness ...which is really not the most terrible option . ok i just hate this bullshit i keep putting myself through time and time again.... tom: lets move the five year plan to four. ...and a half...ok never mind. lets keep it at five. he wasnt even a rat...hes a super rat disguised as a mouse. im tired.

Maybe i need to just realize that i am destined for lonliness ...which is really not the most terrible option . ok i just hate this bullshit i keep putting myself through time and time again.... tom: lets move the five year plan to four. ...and a half...ok never mind. lets keep it at five. he wasnt even a rat...hes a super rat disguised as a mouse. im tired.

Maybe i need to just realize that i am destined for lonliness ...which is really not the most terrible option . ok i just hate this bullshit i keep putting myself through time and time again.... tom: lets move the five year plan to four. ...and a half...ok never mind. lets keep it at five. he wasnt even a rat...hes a super rat disguised as a mouse. im tired.

i dont like chocolate in the morning I drinks her coffee late at night You can sense that i am guarded But that's alright I'll fall asleep while your still talking With unfinished books beside my bed I'll cancel all of my appointments And go shopping instead And in spite of what is right Far beyond what i'd except When the moon begs the question Will you have the answer yet? Can't you just adore me? Can't you just adore me? i love to watch the sunset But i am partial to the rain With those tears and that umbrella my allure goes unexplained You made dinner in your apartment we both assume that i'll be late i always has the best intentions my goodness is innate And in spite of what is right Far beyond what i'd except When the moon begs the question Will you have the answer yet? Can't you just adore me? Can't you just adore me? I dont like chocolate in the morning I drink my coffee late at night

marcus: i feel like ive been negelecting you and our everlasting friendship because im so caught up in this whole relationship thing. most of the time i would rather be with you, at the park, smoking menthols and feeling happy. but instead i do other things to substitute for the immense feelings i cant help but have towards you. Now i know that these feelings are strictly platonic and filled mostly with nostalgia but they exist nontheless. Maybe subconciously i am distancing myself because the end of summer is creeping around the corner and that is always how its ended-no-paused in the past. anyway, i apologize if i have been distant. but i love you, i really really love you. yours trully, darling, jessica

so i told him that i am not nor will i ever be wife potential. " you cant turn a ho into a house wife" not saying that im a ho but honestly, for those of you who are privelaged to read this-know exactly why a girl like me could never be a girl like that. so i guess its oveR?

i really have nothing to say, i think that i make really poor choices in my life. i also think that i have some sort of complex when it comes to relationships. the only reason i bring this up is because it seems thats what everyone brings up. you should never give your heart to a wild thing. and i am wild. i am free. or soo i like to think... maybe not as much as i used to be, maybe more. oh who knows now adays. (i want my old friends, i want my old face[hair] fuck this time and place) im sick of boys coughing up their time and money like little dolls and expecting me to curl up like a little cat at their feet. im sick of them thinking i belong to them in some sort of way, im sick of them saying that they love me like thats something so rare and unusual. many many many have been in this position before, many i tell you. so shower me with endearing compliments about my "bubbly" personality and my "beautiful" features. like its something ive never heard before. guess what, ive heard it all BEFORE. dont waste your time, im a sure thing.

meh im stupid

i feel like im completly lost inside my mind, like maybe nothing is worth it and i shouldve died a long long time ago everyone tells me i should snap out of it and straighten up but why do i hold on to so many things that no one else can see. what exactly IS WRONG? i really feel like i should just start using again, and not giving a fuck about anyone and what they think i want to leave this fucking town and go somewhere where no one knows my name or my "story" not that many of them know it now but everyone likes to think they fucking do. and i know so many more people have it so much worse and im inconsiderate of how blessed i really am. but that doesnt take away the confusion and the hurt nothing i do is ever good enough no amount of progress is appreciated so whats the fucking point?? why should i stay alive? for what exactly am i breathing for my dreams are unatainable, my hopes have been diminished.

...ummmmm i have a MAN and hes all mine, uhhh i dont know im just happy in dangerous proportions, something is bound to go down

its official, ive got issues. im having those butterfly feelings and its hard to focus on an one thing that doesnt have to do with him. how old is too old? why do i make things so much more difficult than they have to be.

i think im in love with a thirty four year old,divorcee, convicted murderer, now born again christian who lives in a group home and works at good will.

i think it was a mistake to ever say how i really felt about you. the more i think about it, and the more im around you, the more i realize how much it wouldnt work. sometimes i wonder if my feelings are legitamite or if im just using this to get over other things. also, i question wether you regret telling me you had feelings for me. You really dont act like you like me, most of the time i feel like you dont even want to me around me. if that is the case, im ok with it. We had our run of good times/bad times and eventually everything comes to an end. either way you SHOULD stop patronizing me. the ball is in your court, just let me know what your decision is.

im finally here, and i have nothing to say

single serving sugar single serving cream single serving peanut packet single serving coffee maker single hair dye application single single single single single alone whats new?

I hope my smile can distract you I hope my fists can fight for two So it never has to show And you’ll never know I hope my love can blind you I hope my arms can bind you So you’ll never have to see What we’ve grown to be One may think we’re alright But we need pills to sleep at night We need lies to make it through the day We’re not ok One may think we’re doing fine But if I had to lay it on the line We’re losing ground with every passing day We’re not ok But that’s one thing I would never One thing I would never That’s one thing I would never say to you -the perishers. im in love with this band, someday i want to hold the sun and the moon in my hands.