well we didn't have worship last night...i feel as if it were my fault...i shouldn't have freaked out as bad as i did. i totally just flipped out! i knew something like this would happen. we were trying to practice, heaven had told me that she doesn't know if she is going to play the drums much longer. and i was feeling responsible for every one being upset because i couldn't sing the songs they wanted me to and then i was telling myself that i couldn't do worship because i wasn't good enough, and sarah was turned up too much and i couldn't hear anything except her awful horrible most tone deff voice. and she was throwing me off on the tunes becuase she was singing them wrong and then i couldn't remeber how the song flowed to the next part...we started that song over like 5 times and everytime we'd stop and i just couldn't do it! i forgot! i don't do that! and i know sarah is only up there so she can tell people she is in a band when i actuality we are NOT A BAND!!!! WE ARE A WORSHIP TEAM!!! and it makes me so mad that she keeps saying that! but i can't tell her she can't be on the team becuase she'll hate me. and then i can't tell her sister ruth (who can sing and would do it for the RIGHT reasons) that she needs to be on the team becuase sarah will hate her and me. and then michael needs to sing...he doesn't sing bad but he doesn't always sing right...because it is so hard for me to sing lead...i do fine when we are in the song but starting it is so hard becuase i can't follow the guitar. and he can since he is playing the song. and then when i look at the to tell me if i should go to the chorus or bridge or what they just give me a nod...what the hell does a nod mean???!!! and the dissappointment on michael and donny's faces...well i don't really care about donny's but michael just looked so upset and i'm afraid that all this lame drama is making heaven not want to play drums ever again. and then when we were trying to do that song that i couldn't just flow into the 'holy holy holy' like i should have, the last time we tried i couldn't even sing and i just started balling and ran out of the room and into the hallway. michael ran after me and was like pearl pearl its ok and i'm like no it isn't! i can't do it! i can't sing it! i know how it goes just it doesn't come out and when we get to that part i forget. and they had gotten so frustrated that i was just stopping and not singing it because i forgot. and then sarah had moved her mike stand near heaven because "i sang too high and heaven sings low and sarah can follow her easier" well actually sarah can't follow any one because she can't even sing! SHE SHOULDN'T BE UP THERE!!! and all this stupid crap is making me sick. i feel like throwing up just thinking about all this. ok well i'm going to get dressed and the go make oreo cookie suckers...i said at the beginning of the week i was going to get out of school on thursday. but i didn't expect that it would be so i could cool off and so i would get angry at school. so i guess i will go...pray for me...we are having a meeting mabe saturday so we can talk things out...bye...well morganna i'm sorry if you couldn't get out of school today...but this was all the reason for my nervous breakdown...sorry...bye...