-The Places you have come to Fear the Most- As for now, I am listening to the saddest songs, I sit along and wonder if she is with another guy. As for now, I am listening to the saddest songs, I sit along and wonder if she is safe and sound at home. As for now, I am listening to the saddest songs, I sit along and wonder if the phone is going to ring. As for now, I am listening to the saddest songs, I sit along and wonder when I am going to stop thinking awful things. As for now, I am listening to the saddest songs, I sit and wonder when all of the drama is going to end. As for now, I am listening to the saddest songs, I sit and wonder when are these long sleepless nights full of tears are going to end. As for now, I am listening to the saddest songs, I sit and wonder and wait until tomorrow, maybe you'll feel better then, maybe we'll be better then. As for now, I am listening to the saddest songs, I sit and wonder how long I can bear these nights of going on without you. As for now, I am listening to the saddest songs, I sit and wonder and hope that this mood of yours is temporary because it seems worth the wait to see you smile again. As for now, I am listening to the saddest songs, I sit and wonder when are we going to end up together again. By: Christian B.

This years love had better last Heaven knows it's high time I've been waiting on my own too long But when you hold me like you do It feels so right ah now I start to forget How my heart gets torn When that hurt gets thrown Feeling like yuh can't go on Turning circles and time again It cut like a knife oh now If you love me got to know for sure 'Cause it takes something more this time Than sweet sweet lies oh now Before I open up my arms and fall Losing all control Every dream inside my soul When you kiss me On that midnight street Sweep me off my feet Singing ain't this life so sweet This years love had better last This years love had better last Cause whose to worry If our hearts get torn When that hurt gets thrown Don't yuh know this life goes on Won't you kiss me On that midnight street Sweep me off my feet Singing ain't this life so sweet This years love had better last This years love had better last This years love had better last This years love had better last This years love had better last Woah ah yea This years love had better last

I'll Be Just Fine!! Pretending I am not!! I thought you would know if I turned around If I go you'll live without All the things I hoped you say by now, never came out Don't say what you mean I'm not ready for that All the things sounded so appropriate at the time Don't say what you mean I'm not ready for that,Not yet I'm sorry now, I hope that you're happy I'm sorry now, I thought you would understand Don't play with me, I'm as hurt as they come Do away with me, I haven't had fun Since we broke up, and now I must grow up you said Change, the only thing I hate more than you

As much as I love the song, I cannt stand the distance between the person I love so much! The Distance What would you do if I came (this fell) through? I love the distance, its that you cant take. How should I feel if you miss the old days? The look on your face said everything's changing so fast. Call anytime you need, I have been waiting alone on the road. Call anytime you need, I have been waiting, I will be waiting.

I know that running away from your problems isnt the solution and isnt the right thing to do, but thats what I want to do! Just running away from everything that is hurting me seems like the right thing to do. I cannot bear to go on like this, miserable and depressed!

I have been thinking and I have concluded that if my girlfriend cheats on me then life should go on, you know. It just wasn't meant to be and college isn't for another, so I guess I will worry about college in a year. But, I mean I love my girlfriend to death and I trust her with all of my heart I just don't trust the people around her sometimes. Peer pressure can come in to play, but anyways if something does happen, then that means that it wasn't meant to be. I mean theres plenty fish in the sea. I love her so much, I truly hope that nothing like that happens. I love you baby!!!

Last night was definitly the worst night of my life. Cobi was very tired and I wanted to talk to her for the entire night, but she has work the next day and I guess I have to respect that. Well, last night since I had nothing to do, and what usually what happens when I have nothing to do is that I start to think about stuff. Usually about stuff like that hurts me or stuff that is going to hurt me in the future. Its kinda of weird. But last night I started to think about my girl friend did to me. I guess I started to think about it because I was on myspace and I went on the kids profile. I guess, I was curious if she had deleted the comment that she left him. I went on his profile and yup, its still there. When I saw it there, I thought to myself, does she not think it hurt me or something? Like don't you think she would delete the comment that she wrote the kid. Especially if she knows that what she wrote hurt me sooo much. Well, that was one of the things that I dwelled on last night. I also started to think about my future. In about a year, I will be leaving for college, either some college in Indiana or Illinois. I am not sure yet, but where ever I go, I know that I want to still be together with my girlfriend. She means so much to me! I know her dream school is in Michigan. I'm thinking the distance that is there. Thats at least a 3 hour drive. I want to be as close to her as possible. Like, right now, I live about 10 minutes away(driving) and and hour away(running). But 3 hours is alot. And what I am afraid is that she is going to meet someone else or some guy is going to make a move on her. That is my worst nightmare. I guess what made me think about this was that, I had a dream a couple of nights ago and the dream was about that she went back to her ex-boyfriend b/c she couldnt deal with my bullshit anymore. She went back with him and one day I showed up to her house and I walked into her house and I saw her and her ex-boyfriend making out on the bed. When I saw that, I felt like someone stabbed me in the back with a thousand knives. I left her house crying, All I wanted to do was leave Illinois and never ever come back. I woke up and I started to cry, I called my g/f to tell her but she was half awake and she had work the next day. She was really tired! I wanted to talk too her and all I wanted to hear from her is that everything is going to be okay. I wanted her to get that dream out of my head. You could say that one of my flaws is that, if something bad is going to happen to me or someone hurts me, I dwell on it and it takes me a long time to recover. And the worst part is that I feel really bad for my girl friend. Every time I get like this, she hates it and I try really hard to get better but it takes a while. She has to put up with this, all of my bull shit. I think one day is going to break up with me for that. Somethimes I think that she hates me so much and she no longer wants to put up with this, and she can just find another boy. Thats one good reason I cant living on with this weakness. To be honest with you, I have no idea to fix this. Like, how would you fix something like this, I have no idea. I guess the only thing that I could do is recovery as fast as possible. Lets just hope I can get over this as quick as possible.

I haven’t written in the diary in a long time. Its good to be back. Wow, alot has happened over the past few months. Good things and bad! But, this past week has been very depressing for me. Awe! I am so sad. The worst thing has happened to me. It hurt me so much. Like, it was so unexpected, you know. You don't really expect the person you love to do that to you. But, I don't know what to do, there are so many things that I just want to tell her, but I am afraid I am just going to lose my cool and say or do something that I might regret. That’s what I am afraid of happening. But, I love her so much, I can’t hurt her. She is the love of my life. She means everything to me. But, hopefully I can get over this, I want to move on. The bad part is that, the thought of what she did just won’t get out of my head. I try really hard not to think about it, but it just won’t get out. I love her to death; I want everything to go back to normal. I have been trying to do things that keep my mind occupied but it still doesn’t work. I guess, its going to take time for me to get over it. The sooner, the better!

Wow, things have been great. Although, this week has been tough! Every single day was something new. Me and Cobi had a different argument everyday. I was tough, but we got through it. You have no idea, I love her so much. I would do anything for her, she means so much to me. We have been together for 4 months. May 10, 05 is our 5 month annivarsey. Holy, moly- five months. Thats a long time. We have been through some good and bad times. But I treasure the good ones. I haven't been writing in the journal because I have been really busy, and thank goodness, school is almost done. Only 17 more days left. And, guess what, no summer school. AWWWWW! This summer is gonna be awesome. I am going to have to much FUN. Anyways, Im getting sleepy, its almost 11:00pm. My COBZ is going to be taking the ACT tommorow. Im am sure she is going to do fine on it. GOOD LUCK BABY!! Anyways, going to bed, will definitly write later!!

One smile can hide a thousand tears!!!

Sometimes I just wish my girlfriend had maybe just a little patient with me. I say something wrong or stupid or maybe even something that has nothing to do with what were talking about but still. She can at least cut me some slack. She knows that Im LD, but what ever. Thats how she is. But the thing that really bothers me is that when she frusturates me, I dont hang up the phone or tell her that shes annoying the fuck out of me! I honestly don't. I calm myself down. There was this one time, I had raised my voice and yelled at her because we were having an argument. Thats it! I love her to death, but sometimes I honestly think that one of these days she going to dump me. Anyways la8r dudes.

Hey dudes!! Im so sorry, this will be my last entry!. My life has been absolutly amazing right now and yes of course the love of my life, COBI is amazing as well. Things have been awsome. This weekend I pretty much saw her everyday. IT was great. And ya, her birthday is like in 4 days. I gave her two early birthday presents, the spongebob square pants dvd, and the jesse mccartney cd. Im giving her 3rd present on her b-day. I hope she really likes it!! Anyways, its been fun and we had some good times. La8r dudes!! I love you Cobi!!

Thinking and Waiting When I can't bear these nights of thoughts of going on without you This mood of yours is temporary, it seems worth the wait to see your smile again. Out of the corner of my eye. I'll wait until tomorrow, maybe you'll feel better then. maybe we'll be better then, so what's another day I love YOU so much.

I dedicate this to the love of my life. COBI PAIGE HIMMELFARB. You have the key to my heart. Under the silver stars Right where he broke your heart Girl you know, I'd give you anything I wanna hold your hand And say the words he never said I'll make you promises you can believe Let me be the one Telling you it's alright Sharin' the smiles and tears you cry Let me be the one Lovin' you when you're weak For all of the strength you need You can come to me When you're down And you feel so lonely Turn around you can come to me When you're down baby I will be the only come to me You can just be yourself 'Cause I don't want nobody else All of your secrets are safe with me For the kind of love you can trust For more than just a crush Baby, why don't you just come to me? Let me be the one Tellin' you it's alright Sharin' the smiles and tears you cry Let me be the one Lovin' you when you're weak For all of the strength you need You can come to me When I've got you in my arms Say it's where you want to be 'Cause girl I'm down on my knees Promising my heart,oh my heart Let me be the one Tellin' you it's alright Sharin' the smiles and tears you cry Let me be the one Lovin' you when you're weak For all of the strength you need You can come to me Let me be the one Tellin' you it's alright Sharin' the smiles and tears you cry Let me be the one Lovin' you when you're weak For all of the strength you need You can come to me When ever you need me I'll (Always be there) When ever you need me girl When ever you need me I'll (Be right here) Oh, I'll be there When ever you need me I'll (Just reach out) When ever you need me girl When ever you need me I'll Oh I'll be there Just reach out Reach out, Reach out, Reach out to me

Cobi's birthday is coming up. I know one thing I am getting her(she thinks it the spongebob dvd, but its not) but I need one more thing to get her. I have no idea what I am going to get her. I am stilling browsing over the web, looking around at the mall. Orginally, I was going to get her a jewelery box but she doesnt like that idea. I asked her but she doesn't really wear jewelery. Oh well. All I know is that I am screwed. I am probably going to ask one of her friends to help me with her gift. No worries, I still have about 13 days to get her something. Anyways, I took the ACT. It was okay, I guess. Um then I went to work out. I feel so good and ripped. I called my love Cobi. She is watching a movie with her grandpa. How fukin cute is she? Anyways, Im hungry so I gonna go eat. Later dudes

This sucks. This weekend is gonna suck. I'm gonna get chance to chill with my love, Cobi. Were not even gonna see each other, not even for like 5 minutes. Well, anyways I am goin to be taking the ACT tommorow. How much does that suck! Then I have to write like a five page paper and its due Monday and I haven't even started on it yet. THIS WEEKEND IS GONNA SUCK. This week has been CRAZY. School and have been going threw some tough times with Cobi. But we talked things threw and got it solved. Tonight I am going to workout with my friend Carlos and were gonna "chill" after that. Im not sure if i wanna "chill" because Im gonna take the ACT tommorow and I don't wanna have a hang over the next day. Later dudes

Today, I had planned that I was supposed to go to my aunts house. But, my parents left like an hour ago and I didn't feel like going out, I was watching a great movie-Road Trip. So they left about an hour ago. I am so bored, I'm doing nothing just chilling wondering when Chez is going to leave her house but he's probably not going to leave until really late. What Ever. I am supposed to be doing my homework but I really dont wanna do it right now, I tried to but I dont wanna do it. But I dont know if I should call Cobi or not. Like, she hasn't chilled with him in a LonG ASS time. I don't know what to do!?!? I want to call her but at the same time I dont want to. I dont know what to do. Well, I dont know whether or not they finished the movie, but Im going to wait until she calls me so I can say good nite and say I love u to her. She means so much to me I want to spend every single minute with her. I love her so much. I hope she is having fun. I wonder whats she doing??? Anyways, this is like my seventh entry so I think Im done for the day. Peace out dudes. Love ya Baby.

Cobi picked me up so we were supposed to go to the YMCA, but at first we didn't. We went to Circuit City to check for the 311 cd, if they had. Yup, they did have it. So, then we just chilled out in the parking lot, you know just TALKING and STUFF. It was AWSOME!!! So then we decided to go to the YMCA. So we did. I got into my bathing suit and COBi got into her's. She should of seen her. She looked so FUKIN SEXY. I wanted to rip off her FUKIN bekini off and do her right there in the hot tub. AWW, she looked GORGEOUS. YOu HAVE NO FUKIN IDEA!!! She looked amazing. Anyways so after we finished with the sauna and hot tub we were really hungry. The DUMBASS that I am, I had only 6 six dollars with me. I know, Im an idiot. So she pitched in like a couple bucks for the food. So we ordered to 2 Jr. Whoopers with coke and fries with sweet and sour sauce. It was SCRUMPTIOUS! So, I noticed that the inside of her car was really dirty, so I recommened that we should go clean it. So we did, twice. It was fun. We left her PIMPIN JEEP, spic and span, looking brand new. After that I needed to go home and she dropped me off. I was so glad that I got her see her today. It would of sucked if I didnt. She's going to chill out with her best bud, Chez. There going to Taco Bell for dinner. I hope see has fun. Yummy, I wonder what she's going to order. Probably chalupa or something like that or a gordita. Sounds good to me. I love her so much I have only been a couple hours without her and I already miss her. I love her so much I wanna cut her into little pieces of chicken in a Chipotle burrito, well, actually, HUGE PIECES cause I wanna enjoy her lucious, yummy, taste- then dip her in sour cream, tomatoes, guacamole, rice and beans so I can fart her out. And also burp her out with a EXTRA large DR. Pepper. I love Chipotle, and I REALLY, REALLY, REALLLLY LOOVE HER.

I am so excited. Me and Cobi are actually going to see each other today. Were going to the suana and hot tub today at the YMCA. How exciting is that. I am so happy that Im going to see my baby today. Cya, got to get ready

Oh totally forgot, the song that we were listening too, that wasn't sublime. It was by 311. Its called love song. Check it out on real player, windows media playe or music musicmatch player. Go to the music store on musicmatch player and go to the search on the middle right hand corner and type in 311-love song. Thats the song I was talking about. I love that song. Love ya