I know. i know i know i know i know i know i know. I know that you dont like her. i know that you would never leave me for her. i know that the thought of her makes you cringe... and yet... i dont think that it will happen any time soon. the past isnt that long ago for it to happen. what i'm worried about is when we reach that point to where we're ok with her. when we have to see her a lot for lucas. you tried to love her once.. it didnt work...but it could happen. we dont know. i dont know. both of you have told me its never going to happen again and i really really really want to believe that. you have no idea how much i want to believe that. but if its true then why does my subconsiouse tell me its not? i am afraid to sleep because i dont want to see you two together in my dreams. i dont want to wake up crying or pissed off because you left me for her in some horrible dream. i know you love me. i know you want to be with me. but i cant get the image of you two out of my head. i want to tear the memory part of my brain out and not even know who she is but i cant. i just cant. and im sorry. its not that i dont trust you. because i do. i trust you with my life. i dont want you to feel like its your fault because its not. its mine because i cant seem to get myself together. and i love you. but i dont know..