my brother only 13 was taken away on September 3, 2005. He was involved in a car wreck. the tire blew, the car flipped, it hit a tree, and so on. the driver and one of his sons died and my brother died along with them. the other son survied the only survivor of the 4 and God Bless him for coming out of that wreck alive. My brother i couldnt ask for anyone better. yea we had our arguments and fought alot but everyone does. i lost my older brother to drugs and my dad to a car accident also. honeslty i dont know how to feel anymore my body is numb i mean completly its hard for me to cry its hard for me to be happy my emotions are all messed up. when my brother died i seen his body i went in with my grandma and identified the body i pray no one has to do that ever that is the hardest thing to do in life honestly. i didnt cry when i seen the body i didnt cry at his viewing and i didnt cry at the funeral. you might ask why and honestly i dont know i cant cry i still cant cry about it i have every now and then but its hard to cry and its hard to go day to day without him not here. i come home from school everyday hoping to walk in and him be sitting at the table doing homework like it used to be. i just want to wake up from this horrible nightmare that i fall asleep to everynight but i have to wake up each morning realizing it wasnt a nightmare its reality and i believe thats the hardest thing to do. i love you kyle and i know your happy where you are and i know you would never come back here even if you had a chance too. fly with those angles buddy your with dad now and cass and they're going to keep an eye out for you now its their turn to have time with you. July 10, 1992 until September 3, 2005 Ronald Christopher Kyle Owens

why cant this feeling go away all i see is ur face when i close my eyes at night the image i just want it to go away seeing u lying there cold and motionless i beg for u to open your eyes for this not to be true why you why now this image of you lying there just needs to go away it just hurts to much to see it night after night day after day. Theres not a day that goes by that I don’t look at your picture and cry wishing you were here wishing you would have woke up that day. No one will understand what I felt that day I seen you lying there. Touching your body feeling how cold you were I cant explain it. This is the first time im having feelings and im hurting so much inside knowing your never coming back…I just want to wake up and find it all being a horrible horrible nightmare. I know I can wish and wish for it all to be a bad dream but I have to wake up and face reality. Ive just never hurt this bad before. I loved you so much and I miss you even more.

Keep On Loving You You should've seen by the look in my eyes, baby There was somethin missin You should've known by the tone of my voice, maybe But you didn't listen You played dead But you never bled Instead you lay still in the grass All coiled up and hissin And though I know all about those men Still I don't remember Cause it was us baby, way before then And we're still together And I meant, every word I said When I said that I love you I meant That I love you forever And I'm gonna keep on lovin you Cause it's the only thing I wanna do I don't wanna sleep I just wanna keep on lovin you (solo) And I meant every word I said When I said that I love you I meant That I love you forever (chorus)

just thinking about the word bonkers lol what a funny word.. im bored if u cant tell i dont have anything to do sitting in school in computer class this is so boring.. but atleast it gives me time to update on things. yea i havent wrote in here in a while. uh.. nothing much has really been up just catching up on school and trying to pull my grades up so i can pass the 9th grade. yea sunday i hung out with my uncle he came down from Tallahassee we drove down toward the beach to get someone and we got lost lol but it was ok b/c i got to spend time with him since i never get to see him really i cant wait til summer to go out there and visit it will be my first time out there so yeah. uh.. dont know what else there is... uh yea about that thing that happend to me like 2 3 weeks ago i finally made it to the sherriffs office and stuff but it didnt do much good there was a girl who had almost the same thing happen to her but we had pretty much the same description of the car and stuff so yeah.. um... well i guess thats about it for now ill try to keep posted..

If thou must love me, let it be for nought Elizabeth Barrett Browning If thou must love me, let it be for nought Except for love's sake only. Do not say 'I love her for her smile—her look—her way Of speaking gently,—for a trick of thought That falls in well with mine, and certes brought A sense of pleasant ease on such a day'— For these things in themselves, Beloved, may Be changed, or change for thee,—and love, so wrought, May be unwrought so. Neither love me for Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,— A creature might forget to weep, who bore Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby! But love me for love's sake, that evermore Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity.

yea i guess its been a while.. yea alot has been going on.. some stuff i really dont want to talk about b/c its just to gross and i dont want to think about it im trying to forget about it but some people are just pervs. but then theres school and i have to worry about my grades b/c im not passing im so close but if i dont pass then i want be at school with my friends ill be at a different school and i dont want that so yea thats about whats been going on..

Todays moms b-day, i wonder if she even knows. Probably not,y wud she, shes probably so doped up on crack she dont even know the day of the year. y is she like this, not a care in the world, but her and her crack. do i care, of course i do. do i pretend i dont? yea i do all the time, not wanting others to know the true feeling of what i feel inside. mom and her crack, shes been like this as long as i can remember, i thought or just hoped somewhat that she would change, but was i wrong, really wrong. i can remember clearly the day i started to have the hate i feel for her today, she said only 5 words, hateful words, to me. they were "i dont care about you", she had said other words to me to like "im the one who needs to be happy not u, i dont care what u think" and things like that. what kind of mother would say that to her own daughter only daughter at that, that she hardly ever seen at the time and now she dont even see me at all. a mother who only cares about herself would say that. a mother without a care in the world, a mother on crack.

NO PRIVACY!! y cant i get ne privacy nemore. parents down your back all the time being nosey with everything u do. like now everytime i do something on the computer or nething my grandma will come along behind me and check everything out. all i ask for is privacy. i dont have any at home none at school none whatsoever. i have this here so maybe my family wouldnt see it but NOOO it dont work that way my grandma sees everything i write knows everything i say and knows everything im thinking.. y y y.. I HATE IT... all i ask for is to have my privacy from my family...

everytime we lie awake after every hit we take every feeling that i get but i haven't missed you yet every room-mate kept awake by every silent scream we make all the feelings that i get but i still don't miss you yet only when i stop to think about it i hate everything about you why do i love you i hate everything about you why do i love you everytime we lie awake after every hit we take every feeling that i get but i haven't missed you yet only when i stop to think about it i hate everything about you why do i love you i hate everything about you why do i love you only when i stop to think about you, i know only when you stop to think about me, do you know i hate everything about you why do i love you you hate everything about me why do you love me i hate you hate i hate you love me i hate everything about you why do i love you

i'm bored so i thought i would just tell a little bit about me.. the names Kayla i was born on november 29, 1988 and jax.,fl.(cant wait to get outta here), i live with my grandma and my little brother b/c i cant live with my mom and my dad died when i was like 4 or 5, uh yea i started to start a new relationship with my mom but a couple of years ago that went bye bye and now i want have anything to do with her... my older brother cass died when i was like 12 he was 17 when he had died and i blame my mom and alot of other people but i want go into detail about everything.. but yea i dont know what else to say.. i have really awsome friends and im glad that i had came to the skewl im at now from my other skewl b/c i wudnt know half the people i know now.. so yea thats about it i guess...

y am i feeling so bad.. its not like i've done anything.. i havent gotten yelled at or anything like that.. i know my brothers driving me insane but thats normal he always does and i dont feel that way usually.. i dont know what it is, im feeling bad for so many things.. family problems starting to hit me and its hurting me inside.. all i do these days is cry on the inside i never let my feelings show on the outside until its to late... everything builds up on the inside and i dont know what to do anymore..